It’s 2 in the gotdamn morning, there’s a ruckus. Friend. Friend what are you doing? This is not your beautiful house.
Update: We left a trail of kibble toward the door to lure it back outside, hoping to just let it leave on its own, since we know they scare easily and didn’t want to cause it any additional stress. However then the cat wouldn’t get out of the way (as if he needs to compete for food?). So eventually we had to remove the cat and personally escort the opossum back outside as gently as possible. Which was no easy task because every few feet it would startle itself anew and hide under the nearest object.
We gave it a lovely Brussels sprout in apology for its troubles.