But like at the same time, Christians who have certain jobs need to throttle back at work because for real it gives me hives being told “Have a blessed day!” by someone like a receptionist at a doctor’s office. It happened today and while she was super-sweet and very obviously genuine (in context, I think she was actually trying to make me feel safe) it was still one of those “…welp…” moments. I’d just told her two minutes before that my girlfriend would be coming to the appointment with me. My cat was out of the bag, no takesie-backsies.
Christians have a very nasty track record with violence and obstruction against LGBT people like me, so I suddenly am aware that there are people around who might hate people like me, and they have the ability to make my getting medical care difficult or even impossible.
I get that even if they didn’t SAY it, they would still have the same biases, but I don’t have much choice in who I see, so I’d be stuck with them regardless, and I’d rather not have the anxiety of worrying about it. My other choice is not disclosing that I’m queer if it comes up, and even when not saying anything about it is an option, which it often isn’t, it’s not one I’m willing to take. I have to choose between being safe and being honest, and that’s shitty.
It can be hard to imagine, I think, for Christian people, what it’s like to be afraid like that, because to Christians, Christianity is a great thing and Christians are great people.
But like the first psych doctor they wanted to send me to for my disability reevaluation worked out of a Christian therapy office (okay) and their clinic policy was “gay people are against God.” (Not okay at all.)
My disability eval was going to be performed by a dude who was comfortable telling children they are wrong to be gay.
I called up the disability office the day I got the letter and got another doctor to do the eval. Thank goodness they were willing to reassign my case after I told them there was “a potential conflict of interest that might threaten the doctor’s impartiality.” Thank goodness I had the spoons to make the call and the presence of mind to phrase my issue the way I did instead of just yelling “MOVE I’M GAY.”
I mean, y’all understand, I could have gotten my benefits yanked if I’d gone in there and they’d taken a dislike to me based on the fact that I’m not cishet. Legal protections aside, there is no impartial third party monitoring that appointment, and they have total control over what goes on their paperwork. There is literally nothing keeping them from recommending I be denied. For disabled people, legal protections are only effective to the extent we can afford to enforce the law with our own money. Money that, if you are on disability, you obviously do not have.
Without my benefits, especially medical coverage, I cannot survive. So like.
Yeah.
A lot is riding on the goodwill of people who have been shown to historically have very little goodwill for people like me. I don’t like being reminded of it.
Y’all are cool, I love y’all so so so much, but y’all are also really fucking scary in large groups, and when one of y’all has power over me, I never know whether I can trust you and that shit is scary.
Fucking police your own, thanks.
Yeah I don’t think many Christians realize that most LGBTQIA+ people have had someone be all “have a blessed day!” and be super nice when they didn’t know that the person wasn’t cishet (or, heck, even Christian) and then turn into something completely different upon finding out.
Like. I get the whole “they will know we are Christian by our love” thing but having seen people turn from super-nice into “OMG you’re not a Pure individual and I MUST SAVE/SHUN/CHANGE YOU!” It is fuckin’ scary. So yeah people have every reason to be cautious when they find someone is not only Christian but the type who says blatantly Christian things to people. Because saying that so openly gives an implicit assumption that the person you are speaking to is also part of that group.
Or something. I am having a rough day and I don’t think I’m wording well.
You’re getting at something though. The implicit assumption that the person you just told to have a blessed day is also Christian. (Or at the very least, theist of some kind.)
Like, that’s part of what’s so disturbing. The other person is in this bubble of “Of course this is welcome because this is obviously a Good Christian Person like me!” and then, when you bust that bubble, they damn well could be nasty as hell about it – even nastier because they had tried to be nice, but you just had the gall to be rude to them by being super-gay.
And it’s also just … awkward … to have people assume I’m Christian, when I’m a member of a group that is explicitly shit upon by mainstream Christianity. Under most circumstances it doesn’t bother me and I take it as it’s usually intended: kindly. But in situations where my utter queerness is GOING to come up, and these people have the potential to be obstructive in some way, it makes me uncomfortable. Like with the doctor’s office the other day. I’m going to go into that same office in a couple of weeks for some really personal shit, and I’m bringing my GF with me, and now I’m worried that there will be an issue.
I’m like 90% sure there won’t be, because frankly two women together are not nearly as threatening as two dudes, and people’s ability to gals-being-pals us is frankly astonishing, but the thought is now in my head and because I have a for-real anxiety disorder, it’s not going to leave.
I know that receptionist absolutely did not intend for it to cause that reaction, I’m not even angry. I just wish people thought about what they say, and how it comes across.
Tag: assumptions
A disabled person being able to do something does not mean:
- They can always do it under any circumstances.
- They’re not really disabled.
- Anyone else with the same disability can also do it.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 