so last night I was tabling with Nicole of #StillBisexual at a bi art event, which was in a performance space that hosts LGBTQ artists and their work.
Nicole and I are sitting at the table with all sorts of #StillBisexual swag when this guy walks up, looks at the table and says to us, “Yeah, I don’t know about those bisexual people, like, can you ever really trust them?”
…at a bi booth.
In an LGBTQ performance space.
Before a performance about bisexuality and stigma.
Nicole didn’t miss a beat and said, “Sounds like someone needs a brochure.” But the guy continued to tell me about how you can’t trust a bisexual to not cheat on you because they’ll always be craving “the other half.” I tried to stay polite while attempting to check him but the whole time in my head I was like ???!!!!??!!
Later in the night he interrogated a THIRD bi person about the same thing, (and mentioned how he wouldn’t date a bi man). Turns out this dude is the artistic director of the space.
This is what bi people mean when we say sometimes we don’t feel safe in LGBTQ spaces. The fact that people feel totally fine with voicing their prejudices about bi people – TO bi people – in spaces that are supposedly for us as well?
Pride Month is nearly upon us & i created this handy flowchart to help anyone who’s still confused
thats some tasty biphobia
How is this biphobia when to be bi you have to be attracted both to the opposite gender and the same gender? Did you think before posting?
The bi community tends to use “attraction to two or more genders” or “attraction to more than one gender” as its definition, not the one given here. @garlicsister please listen to bi people defining their own orientation, not others defining it for us.
I’m pretty sure the reason @inclusionistpropaganda posted about nonbinary and genderqueer people right after saying “thats some tasty biphobia” is because many people don’t feel that they have a same/similar gender to be attracted too?
i was simplifying for the sake of the limited space allowed for commenting on a post. here’s an example of what i was trying to say with my comments and the organization of the chart.
first, a man who is attracted to women and nonbinary people is simply transphobic. he is looking at nonbinary people and either seeing different flavors of women, or he’s seeing something to fetishize. if he’s attracted to women, nonbinary people, and men, there’s still a possibility that his attraction to nonbinary people is rooted in transphobia, but we now have a guarantee of attraction to at least two genders.
second, lesbian, gay, and bi people (i leave trans people out of this particular point because it’s not the place for those particular nuances) are oppressed for the attraction we feel. gay men are oppressed because we are attracted to men. lesbians are punished for attraction to women and their inherent unavailability to men. bi men and women are oppressed because they experience some attraction to their own gender, and are not correctly performing their expected role of “exclusive heterosexual attraction” (nonbinary bi people are oppressed on two axes here: not conforming to their birth assigned gender and not correctly performing their expected role of “heterosexual member of their birth assigned gender class”).
third, “are you cisgender” was my first node by design. nonbinary people can see that question and say “no, i am not cis” and follow it to the termination point that says “yes, you are lgbt” without ever having to consider their attraction. nonbinary people are lgbt regardless of their answer to “are you attracted to your own gender?” i am aware that the question can be irrelevant and at times even impossible to answer, so i placed it second, so that it would be a determining factor only for cis people, who are necessarily men or women
finally, a bit of self-defense. by brief time identifying as bisexual came to an end when i realized that the identity bore no relevance to my reality. the fact that i have seen nonbinary people to whom i am attracted and with whom i would consider a relationship does not change the fact that i will likely always be perceived and situated as a gay man, facing the material consequences of being a gay man. by either of our definitions, i could again identify as bi. i simply choose not to, because “gay” is a better fit for my economic and political ideology and for the actual way i live my life
1. I’m not nonbinary so I’m not going to comment on whether nonbinary people feel like they’re being fetishized but I will say that doubting bi people’s orientation is nothing new. You don’t need a “guarantee” that they’re bi – just listen to what they say.
2. Are you saying bi people are only oppressed if they have “"same gender attraction”“? Because “bi people are sluts!”, “bi people are more likely to cheat!” and other biphobic beliefs target bi people for beingbi, not “part gay” or whatever. Not to mention, some studies have found that bi people experience higher rates of sexual assault than gay men and lesbians, which doesn’t make sense if bi people only face homophobia, and not biphobia.
3. Again, I’m not nonbinary.
4. I’m glad you found a label that works for you. But just because you don’t think bi describes your experiences doesn’t mean you should limit how someone else describes themself. And if you don’t identify as bi, you shouldn’t be telling people who can use the bi label. (Tbh I don’t think anyone should tell anyone else which label to use.)
considering the # of people who don’t understand what lgbt means, i think it’s useful to remind people what labels mean and what they don’t
yes, that’s exactly what i’m saying. if a cis person doesn’t experience any attraction to their own gender, they aren’t oppressed for their attraction. there’s no structural oppression against straight transphobes who fetishize nonbinary people
But you aren’t reminding people what bi means…. since you aren’t using the right definition, you’re just misinforming others.
And biphobia applies to all bi people, not just ones that experience “same gender attraction” (like me). If a person says they’re bi, straight biphobes (the ones with the power to oppress non-straight people) aren’t going to ask “oh?? Are you same gender attracted??”
Also, how do you know that these bi people are fetishizing their nonbinary partners, as opposed to simply…. liking them? It seems like calling bi people straight without any reason.
If you want to call yourself gay and not bi, that’s great! But you can’t call bi people “straight”. Other people get to choose their own labels.
you can’t be cis & bi without attraction to your own gender. the lgbt community was built by and for trans people & (cis) people who experience attraction to their own gender (please attempt to read anything further in good faith & assume i’m not trying to force nonbinary bi/pan people to define their attraction as “to their own gender” when that might be impossible). like i’m sorry if the historical context of the lgbt community bothers you but like that’s just how it is
every (cis) person who says “i’m bi” experiences biphobia because people assume it means that the person in question is attracted to their own gender. Joe Blow isn’t gonna say “i’m bi” and have Hetty Betty ask “but wait, are you ‘bi’ as in ‘into dudes’ or…” because like… attraction to one’s own gender is necessary & sufficient for a cis person to be lgbt.
maybe they’re not! it’s also entirely possible that Joe Blow sees the nonbinary person he’s dating the way he sees, say, Diet Pepsi or Cherry Coke. even in the off-chance that he is sincere, being lgbt isn’t about ~deviating from heteronormativity~ or whatever. it’s about being trans and/or experiencing same-gender attraction. they still have access to privilege over real lgbt people, because the axes of oppression here are, as i’ve said, “trans” and “same-gender attraction”
Oh, look, the “Straights hurt us for fighting, guess it’s time to quietly assimilate” guy is also the author of this shitty chart.
And a biantagonistic, exorsexist asshole who thinks that it’s his G-d-Given Right as a Gay Man to minimize our struggles, redefine our attractions and our fucking identity, and tell us that we’re fundamentally unlovable, should we be politically inconvenient to him. Gee, I wonder why he thinks we should just quietly melt away into heteronormative society.
SIT YOUR BINARY MONOSEXUAL ASS DOWN.
We are not your possessions. You don’t get to define us, our struggles, our attractions, or our identities. You do not control this community you don’t even seem to fucking want.
I don’t know when the rule became “listen to marginalized people unless they’re inconvenient,” but it’s been a fucking bad idea every time.
aren’t you a pedophile or a pedo apologist or something? anyway, “monosexual” isn’t a coherent class and you should be ashamed of yourself for letting it pass from your brain and onto your fingertips to type
… Jesus, you really are a train wreck of a biphobe and nbphobe, aren’t you? Not just that but you bring up the fully-debunked pedo shit as a derail attempt.
You need help and many history lessons, but you think you know it all already, so, fuuuuuck this, i’m out. You’re a fucking dumpster fire of Nope.
Fact: The rate of relationship violence against bisexual people, particularly bisexual women, is much higher than for people of other orientations. Your sexuality does not make you less trustworthy or less desirable as a partner, and it should never be used against you or seen as a “problem” in your relationship.
a terf called me a homophobe,,,,,,me,,a bisexual queer. a homophobe. that reach lol
The lack of self-awareness here is… fascinating
“Bisexual queer”
“a queer”
do you even think before u type
there is nothing wrong with identifying as queer, which you’d know if your brain had more than one lonely molecule floating in the dark
why do bisexuals think their attraction to both sexes means they can’t be homophobic? it means you can team up with heterosexuals against those of us who don’t experience opposite sex attraction.
there is nothing straight about a bisexual person’s attraction. that’s like saying that straight men and lesbians are in the same category, which is obviously ridiculous. I’m queer, I’m bisexual, I’m part of the LGBT+, I’m not “teaming up with the heterosexuals” holy shit. nice biphobia there buddy
I am consistently baffled by this “bi women don’t deal with homophobia” thing that’s on the rise lately.
I mostly date women. At any given time it is far more likely that I’d be answering “tell us all about your booooooyfriiiiiend~” with “actually, she…” than “sure, he…”
I’ve never understood this idea that because I’m not penis-repulsed, everyone around me instantly accepts my girlfriends.
What even in the shit hell?
This strain of biphobia is so weird. That’s not how bisexuality works. That’s not how heterosexuality works. That’s not how ANY of this works.
Agree.
The whole “let’s be mean to straight people now” thing is weird to me too actually.
I get maybe wanting a closed off space or group or club some of the time, I like those too sometimes.
But leaving those spaces and STILL being mean?
Yeah I… what? Why?
Wasn’t chilling in gay space supposed to make you feel *better?!*
‘Ultimately, bisexual men themselves will continue to be the most powerful force for changing hearts and minds. I asked each bisexual man I interviewed what he would want the world to know about his sexual orientation. Some wanted to clear up specific misconceptions but so many of them simply wanted people to acknowledge that male bisexuality is not fake.
“It’s important that bisexuality be acknowledged as real,” said Martyn, 30, adding that “there’s only so long someone can hold on to a part of themselves that seems invisible before it starts to make them doubt their own sense of self.”
“I am happy being bisexual and I’m not looking for an answer,” said Dan, 19. “I’m not trying things out, I’m not using this as a placeholder to discover my identity. This is who I am. And I love it.”’
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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