Accomplishing the day-to-day things other people accomplish is ideal.
Living your life without depending on the assistance and kindness of other people is ideal
Walking is not the ideal.
If having an ideal life means moving about the world in an unconventional way, then fucking do it.
I am sick and tired of hearing about people battling with their doctors, parents, and themselves when it comes to the “wheelchair” issue.
And I am sick and tired of seeing people suffer, strain, and struggle to walk for the sake of “goals”, “health”, or “not giving up”.
Fuck. That. Shit.
Get your ass in a good chair. Save ya’ walkin’ bits for the shit that really matters like once-in-a-lifetime travel opportunities, emergency situations, or sudden sexy-times.
It makes me so fucking mad when I read about people who have friends or family members that discourage wheelchair use. Oh, you’re worried about their health? Cool story. Buy them a fucking gym membership with a pool or some shit and the wheelchair.
It’s all just a bunch of MOVE like me! LOOK like me! SELL YOUR LABOR LIKE I DO! bullshit.
“In his deposition, Byrd also acknowledged that he and his manager…forged signatures on the disabled men’s paychecks and cashed them, then paid the men weekly allowances of $50 to $80 each.”
hatred of disabled people doesn’t have to be blatant:
complaining about “people who walk slowly”
calling people with specific dietary restrictions needy/fakers/high-maintenance/etc.
insinuating someone isn’t responsible if they’re “living in their parents’ basement”/some variation thereof
insinuating that students with disabilities are actually “cashing in on special treatment”
praising what are basically snuff films about disabled characters
defending the casting of abled people for disabled roles
defending paying us lower wages
*swoons at the accuracy*
i used to complain about slow walkers because i was a selfish prick, now i walk with a cane and i’m on the receiving end of that shit
*raises hand* I used to complain about people who took the elevator to the second floor when I had to get to the 9th, now I’ve learned to consider it’s definitely a lot faster to run up to the 2nd floor, if someone is using the elevator to the second floor, it is probably because they need to.
And omg your slow walker story reminds me of how I used to zig zag at high speeds to get through crowds pre-disability, as well as reminds me how shitty it feels when I’m in my chair and trying to push myself towards the elevator and even though I’m closer, someone runs past me, into the elevator and closes it because I’m “too slow”. Yup, its happened a couple of times.
I will press the automatic door button for myself, and so many abled folk will rush in front of me because I’m slow that it’ll be closing as I go through. This happens at my university campus where there are literally four doors in a row, they could go through any of the three, but the fact that it is open (BY ME, FOR ME) makes that the quickest path, even though them darting through means I can’t get through any door lmao god damn
That’s another great situation to bring up! Prior to my experience with disability, I thought it seemed silly when I saw someone who appeared to be able bodied, push the automatic door button, now I know more about invisible disabilities, many people risk dislocation trying to pull those doors open, they NEED the automatic door or they need assistance. When my arm joints flare up, I can’t pull doors open either, at that point, I can barely pick up my phone or cut my own food
Also! People always talk about “manspreading,” but able-bodied people take up SO MUCH space. As far as I’ve experienced, this phenomenon isn’t limited to masculinity, it has so much to do with people subconsciously feeling that they have physical power over me. Able-bodied women may feel invaded and humiliated because people expect them to move out of the way; but as a disabled person, this has an impact on my everyday ability to get around. Able-bodied people move like fucking bulldozers.
When I see someone heading straight toward me, I can’t just step off the sidewalk to get out of the way. I’m trapped. If I’m in my wheelchair, sometimes people will literally grab my chair and move me without my consent. I have to constantly stop in the middle of the path and hope I don’t get run over. On multiple occasions I’ve been walking around with crutches and people have crashed into me, and they always keep walking without bothering to help me off the ground. When I try to get onto public transit, people never make space for me even if there’s a designated area for wheelchairs. Don’t even get me started on moving through crowdeds (hint: I can’t). Trying to join a conversation is difficult because people will stand in these little huddles and never think to scoot over, expecting me to peek into the group between their elbows.
It makes me feel like I’m completely invisible. People who limp or use mobility aids can’t move around the same way as everyone else not only because of our conditions but because we’re perceived as small, weak, and insignificant.
“not only because of our conditions but because we’re perceived as small, weak, and insignificant” ^^^^ yes. I am more disabled from doing thing by other people making actions inaccessible than I am by my own body impairing me from performing certain tasks.
My stubborn ass has had multiple injuries because I refuse to alter my path when able bodied come barreling through. They don’t give a single fuck.
My favourite is when I’m moving through a moderate crowd and people kick my walking stick from out under me. I’m just wobbling there like “Oh yeah, that’s cool. It’s not like I needed that to be upright anyway.” Or when they expect me to move over so far that my walking stick is off the kerb and is therefore useless. Seriously, sometimes I just want to be like…
… just so people realise that mobility aids are fucking important.
I have purposely stuck to using a folding aluminum cane, instead of getting something sturdier. Because I’m that much less likely to do some shovy asshole serious damage with it if I do snap one of these days. Know thyself 😒
Maybe my favorite so far was this one older woman maybe half my size who I swear brought both her hands up to push me right in the chest, so she could get on an already crowded bus before me. Almost fell over that time, it was so unexpected. There were also a bunch of people waiting who couldn’t have missed it, and nobody said a word.
i know u all dont mean any harm with it but… i feel like a lot of people act like ableism is exclusively about nd abled people.. and while not everyone might believe that disabled people don’t face any form of oppression… a lot of people tend to act like it.
for example people say stuff like “you wouldn’t say a disabled person doesn’t need their cane/wheelchair, so why would you say an nd person doesn’t need so and so?” and it’s like.. people say stuff like that. people poke people’s hearing aid, ask intrusive questions to blind people like “how do you know when to stop wiping?”..
and often people do tell disabled people to just get over it, that they don’t have it that bad, that they just are exaggerating about pain or incapability to do something… or they demand too much of us physically… and this is all unfortunately a thing.
people will say that if you can stand at all, you don’t need a wheelchair.. people will say that you don’t need a cane if you’re capable of walking any distance without it.. or people say if you can hear anything at all you don’t need hearing aid.. and people will try to dismiss a lot of conditions as not being severe enough, or people will say someone’s symptoms aren’t serious enough..
and while i get people don’t mean to be dismissive.. they way too often do act like neurotic abled people are the only people ever to face invalidating struggles from nt abled people.. and that “people would never say this to a disabled/blind/deaf person!”..
because people do actually say these things to us.. and it often leads to not getting help, accommodation, support, and medication we need… it leads to actual material disadvantage to have our disabilities challenged.
Look, just any time you say, “No one would ever say [bigoted thing] to [oppressed group]” you’re wrong. 100% wrong.
Just straightup change your phrasing. “The SAME WAY it would be wrong to say [bigoted thing] to [oppressed group], it’s ALSO wrong to say [other bigoted thing] to [other oppressed group]”
Look! One tiny change in phrasing, and you’ve gone from totally invalidating another group’s struggle to supporting and showing solidarity for them as well!
Okay, but can we not with the “neurodivergent abled vs. disabled” thing? It’s all disability.
Just say ND vs. able-bodied or something. I know it’s semantic but I can’t go back to the days of terrible marauders4ever comics mocking people who call out ableist language and insisting that mentally ill/developmentally disabled/intellectually disabled people are privileged over wheelchair users please
Also like… there are probably more people who are BOTH then just one?
Ableism against mentally ill people means doctors think ever symptom you have is psychosomatic, often delaying care for years causing permanent damage.
Ableism against physically disabled people means constantly dealing with a significantly worse mental experience then people like to give doctors sympathy and credit for where you are constantly fighting barriers to exist. Constantly having to worry about medical problems being mismanaged. You usually can’t come out of it without PTSD.
Basically what I am saying is, the “temporarily abled” thing probably applies 10x harder to people who are only physically disabled or only mentally disabled then it does normal abled people because as soon as you have one your risk of the other skyrockets because ableism and the health care system will gradually do more and more damage until you break.
i know u all dont mean any harm with it but… i feel like a lot of people act like ableism is exclusively about nd abled people.. and while not everyone might believe that disabled people don’t face any form of oppression… a lot of people tend to act like it.
for example people say stuff like “you wouldn’t say a disabled person doesn’t need their cane/wheelchair, so why would you say an nd person doesn’t need so and so?” and it’s like.. people say stuff like that. people poke people’s hearing aid, ask intrusive questions to blind people like “how do you know when to stop wiping?”..
and often people do tell disabled people to just get over it, that they don’t have it that bad, that they just are exaggerating about pain or incapability to do something… or they demand too much of us physically… and this is all unfortunately a thing.
people will say that if you can stand at all, you don’t need a wheelchair.. people will say that you don’t need a cane if you’re capable of walking any distance without it.. or people say if you can hear anything at all you don’t need hearing aid.. and people will try to dismiss a lot of conditions as not being severe enough, or people will say someone’s symptoms aren’t serious enough..
and while i get people don’t mean to be dismissive.. they way too often do act like neurotic abled people are the only people ever to face invalidating struggles from nt abled people.. and that “people would never say this to a disabled/blind/deaf person!”..
because people do actually say these things to us.. and it often leads to not getting help, accommodation, support, and medication we need… it leads to actual material disadvantage to have our disabilities challenged.
Look, just any time you say, “No one would ever say [bigoted thing] to [oppressed group]” you’re wrong. 100% wrong.
Just straightup change your phrasing. “The SAME WAY it would be wrong to say [bigoted thing] to [oppressed group], it’s ALSO wrong to say [other bigoted thing] to [other oppressed group]”
Look! One tiny change in phrasing, and you’ve gone from totally invalidating another group’s struggle to supporting and showing solidarity for them as well!
Okay, but can we not with the “neurodivergent abled vs. disabled” thing? It’s all disability.
Just say ND vs. able-bodied or something. I know it’s semantic but I can’t go back to the days of terrible marauders4ever comics mocking people who call out ableist language and insisting that mentally ill/developmentally disabled/intellectually disabled people are privileged over wheelchair users please
Needing to remind myself again that I’m probably not managing too badly, all things considered.
Especially when “all things” starts from a baseline of gimping around on a badly healing celiac-related pelvic fracture for too many years now. And yes, that really really hurts for just about anybody. Phrases like “severe decrease in functional ability and quality of life” keep coming up, too. How about that? 😩
And that’s before factoring in anything else that might be going on, just that type of injury. There’s also no way I’m just imagining it’s an ongoing problem, as well trained as the jerkbrain may be to keep circling back around to that idea. You can clearly feel the fracture line, and it would take some truly special mental powers to somehow make it keep swelling up.
As you might be able to gather there, I was feeling like my coping ability was running on fumes in 2013. But, here I am, plugging along with that “severe decrease in functional ability and quality of life”. With other stuff continuing to pile up. With that just one thing it’s easy to point to as a legitimate problem anyone would struggle with. What else are you going to do? You get on with things the best you can.
But, of course it wouldn’t be easy for anyone. And I would (rightly) feel like a mean-spirited jackass if I heaped even a fraction of the criticism on anyone else.
Looking at it rationally, it’s kind of surprising it did take as much piling up as it did to send me into meltdowns. Talk about overwhelming stimuli you can’t get away from, when it’s your own body doing terrible shit. No amount of fucked-up stoicism is going to change that, and it’s also just plain mean to lay that on any person.
But yeah, it can also be hard to tell when you are doing your best when that hasn’t tended to get much credit. And when you’ve been pushed most of your life to toughen up in ways that you just can’t, because disability. Major complications for too many people.
Shout out to the disabled people making progress that no one recognizes because it’s not what society considers to be “impressive” or “commendable”
Shoutout to all the disabled people who are managing to get out of bed for the first time in months.
Shoutout to the disabled people who made their own meals today.
Shoutout to the disabled people who are going back to school/ work.
Shoutout to the disabled people who went grocery shopping.
Shoutout to the disabled people who drove themselves around.
Shoutout to the disabled people who managed public transport.
Shoutout to the disabled people who accomplished any or all of the things they wanted to today.
And a big shoutout to the disabled people who didn’t do any of these things bc they finally gathered the strength to say no and listen to their limits.
Your accomplishments are worthy. Your life is worthy. YOU are worthy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because you aren’t “productive” according to society’s standards.
The physician who was hired to make the decision on my LTD benefit appeal denied me based on “facts” like this one. The twitter account he referred to as evidence that I’m lying about my illness is hardly active. Also, the majority of the posts are:
• Photos of pets • Photos from Timehop (aka from years ago) • Photos of things around my house
The few photos that “appear to be a young woman who is engaged in life activities” and “awake, smiling and alert” are FAKE. People always use social media to show the BEST moments from their lives, even if they aren’t the whole truth. I’ve had some great experiences in New York, so of course I am going to brag about them! What I don’t share on social media are the consequences of being happy for a day. I don’t share the three days I have to sleep to recover from one stand-up comedy set. I don’t share the intense pain my body is in after walking around in Central Park for a day.
They’re called invisible illnesses for a reason. People with chronic illnesses can look completely normal. They are hidden in plain sight.
This sickens me though, because like
“appear to be a young woman who is engaged in life activities” and “awake, smiling and alert”
The disability system (which is built to make it difficult and often impossible to get benefits), doctors, and yeah, a hell of a lot of people, believe that functional moments mean that disabled people have functional lives.
Maybe I only want my social media to reflect the good times I have. Maybe that’s the only form of control I have. Maybe I want to reinforce the positive. You know, the way people are always telling me to? To focus on the things I can do? Not to dwell on it. Not wallow in it or rub it in people’s faces.
But the instant I behave like the person our culture is always telling me to be, I stop being disabled.
“Be disabled, but act normal,” they say. Then they turn around and say “You act normal, you can’t be disabled.”
We are expected to fit the narrative. We are not allowed to “engage in life activities”. (What does that even MEAN? WHAT?) We are not supposed to be “awake, smiling, and alert.” I am forced to conclude that they expect disabled people to be bedridden and miserable at all times. As close to dead as possible.
This is so disgusting.
Forcing people to constantly appear “disabled enough” turns disability, our lives, into a performance for other people. It’s sick. We should be allowed to live our lives and be happy to the extent that we can do either of those things. We should be allowed to exist without harassment or gatekeeping. And the doctors that evaluate people for disability need to be ruthlessly vetted for bigotry of all kinds. (Of course they won’t be, the disability system WANTS doctors who will throw out cases at the drop of a hat.)
I cannot stress this enough: ALLIES, CALL OUT THIS BEHAVIOR WHEN YOU SEE IT.
THIS.
And the belief that you have to always look miserable/sick because of an invisible disability is pervasive.
When I was at Planned Parenthood – fucking Planned Parenthood – explaining to the doctor why I need an HBC implant, I mentioned that I have diagnosed chronic depression that seems linked to my period as that was when I’d have my absolute worst days, despite meds. The doctor blurted out in amazement, “But you’re so bright.”
Right.
Because God forbid I have an actual GOOD day, when I DON’T feel like shit. Thank you, person who’s only met me once, for thinking that I must be lying because I don’t meet your expectations for someone who’s chronically depressed. Swear to God it took effort to not just reach out and slap her.
You can totally complain to the office manager about that.
You know, if you wanted to.
I normally wouldn’t suggest this because I know firsthand how upsetting it is to have to lodge a complaint, even if it’s as simple as writing a letter, but given that disabled people are likely to be poor, and poor people rely heavily on clinics like Planned Parenthood, this kind of thing needs to be ruthlessly extinguished at those clinics. They MUST be held to a very high standard, because attitudes like this harm the people they are most likely to be dealing with.
@plannedparenthood, maybe some education is in order among your staff. This kind of thing, while probably not intended to come across as offensive, is offensive, and it is oppressive. You need to be better than that.
Some days when I don’t need extra help, I am forced to tote around a really heavy cane (which screws with my back and arms) in order to look –disabled enough– for parking (without getting disgusted looks), for disabled services at cons, etc. Sometimes I have to bring it with me to use the scooter at the grocery store, because otherwise I get whispered comments about fat people using the scooter because of their weight.
Never mind that I am fat because of my disability. Even if it mattered.
As someone that lives with more than one of the “invisible” illnesses, I sympathize and understand the double standard that exists. Sure, I smile in my FB photos and whatnot, but that’s in between the excruciating pain of ligaments and tendons that are constantly tearing (Elhers Danis Syndrome), depression that can be sometimes be overwhelming, and chronic migraines. I’ve heard “Well You look fine”. Great, that doesn’t mean I AM fine. Illnesses go beneath the surface. People need to change their mindset that in order to be sick, you need to show it
I would just like to thank everyone for your support in this difficult time. I’m preparing my final appeal and completely overwhelmed and feeling quite hopeless. This company has almost a year of back checks they are refusing to send me unless I prove that I am too sick to teach in a classroom again. I feel that I have already proven that, so what else can I do?
All of your kind words and cries of outrage about this horrible situation are really the only things holding me together right now. Wish me luck in preparing the appeal to end all appeals!
It’s sickening that these kind of things happen. Seems like we always have to prove that we’re sick or disabled and everyone else is always trying to prove that we’re not. I’m too tired to write much but I do wish you the best of luck!
“Be disabled, but act normal,” they say. Then they turn around and say “You act normal, you can’t be disabled.”
THIS JUST IN: IF YOU ARE DISABLED YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A GOOD MOMENT EVER, OR YOU DON’T COUNT AS DISABLED
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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