Being a good person is a choice. Don’t let people fool you into believing that truly good people never have bad thoughts, are never tempted by the easier path, by the low road, never mess up or act out selfishly. Never believe a person can be good without making a conscious effort.
Every single time you do something good, you’ve made a decision to make the world a little brighter.
Goodness is not an inherent trait, it is a choice. Keep making it! I see you, I’m proud of you, and I’m rooting for you!
OP is behaving cruelly. No one should brag about treating another person like this. The third reblogger is spot on that conversations aren’t battlefields – you don’t “win” by shaming or rebuking your interlocutor into silence.
That said, I’m really not fond of statements like “kindness is free”, or “it costs zero dollars to be nice”, or any other permutation. Kindness isn’t free. No person has a limitless capacity for patience and understanding. To ignore that is to ignore the huge amount of work – yes, work – that humans put into cultivating compassion for others. And it not-so-implicitly shames people for whom that work isn’t easy.
Listening to someone infodump is not effortless. As an avid infodumper myself, I am always mindful that people willing to listen to me ramble are doing me a kindness. Hanging onto a topic that doesn’t interest you in the slightest, especially when the infodumper is speaking quickly or making leaps that don’t make sense to you, takes effort. That doesn’t make it ~emotional labor~, and it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to rudeness or to bragging about making someone “visibly uncomfortable”, but it’s not free. It’s a competing access need.
Responding with eye rolls or stony silence when I ramble about historical clothing is disrespectful, but so is expecting limitless attention. “Just listen! It’s not hard!” elides that. And it ignores the fact that the neurodivergences that make people prone to infodumping are often the same ones that make it hard to listen intently.
how to compliment someone without seeming like a fucking creep. an easy how to guide:
a) compliment them on something that they can change. don’t say ‘nice tits janice’, say something like ‘your shoes are rad’ or ‘your hair looks great’.
b) don’t be a fucking creep. if it’d weird you out if it was said to you, then it’s likely too creepy to say to someone else.
EASY.
also this pic is super strawmanny and gross. it is not hard to not be a creep.
My most favorite compliment I’ve ever gotten I got from a man who was a complete stranger who drove up next to me while I was walking home at 9pm in the night:
I guess he saw me speed walk, overtake, then completely outpace some really tall business man in front of me (who had also increased his speed to overtake me back but failed).
Anyway this complete stranger doing the exact stereotype of what a man shouldn’t ever do drove up next to me, rolled down the window and said:
“That is the fastest damn walking I’ve ever seen. Ma’am, you…have the soul…of a bicycle.”
Then rolled up his window and drove away.
He didn’t creepily drive behind me, he drove regular speed and came to a rolling stop. He didn’t roll down his window all the way or stick his head out, he said his piece quickly and with a great amount of awe and respect, then he didn’t act like he needed a response from me or expect anything from the compliment. And then he left as quickly as he came. The compliment was so good and politely delivered that I’ve thought about it with amusement for over a year.
It is NOT HARD to not be threatening to women. Those who can’t manage it are sus as hell.
You don’t have to understand asexuality or aromanticism (or bisexuality, pansexuality, being trans, noninary etc.) Just acknowledge it, respect it, and move on. These are real live human people we’re talking about here, just be nice.
Another thing I’m not adding to the educator post, but is relevant:
We need to deal with the homophobia, transphobia, and racism toward students and staff in our schools.
This crap is unacceptable. I talked to HR about a classroom teacher I was a long term sub for. He regularly belittled his students for being LGBTQ kids.
He used a lot of ‘dogwhistle’ racism that the Black, Latino, and Native American kids picked up. Multiple students said they were afraid of him.
I was told that he resigned. People like him should not be teachers.
He was working with vulnerable kids and was doing this crap. Don’t be this guy. Also: I’m not closeted at workplaces if I know I’m going to be treated all right. I stayed in the closet here. I was notified that he would not be rehired.
I’m a queer of color. I’m a school employee. I didn’t realize I’d be a refuge for students. I AM. I’m a magnet for kids looking for a positive adult in their lives.
Do you know how important that is? We need staff that reflect our student population. I went to these schools. I grew up in the district. I get where some of them come from. That’s A BIG DEAL.
Don’t be the teacher, school, or school district that drive away great staff because you tolerate ridiculous crap like racism/homophobia/transphobia. Even if you don’t ‘‘get’‘ your students of color or your queer students or your queer students of color, make an effort. If you don’t understand, it’s OK to say “I don’t understand, but I’ll do my best to support you.”
Same deal with your staff. “Hey, I don’t understand (insert issue here), but I’m happy to learn about it.”
Long story short: Don’t be that guy.
Friendly reminder: Your after school gardening enrichment teacher is a queer woman of color. And I’m AWESOME. 😀
Regarding Don’t Be That Guy in the above thing:
Don’t misgender your trans students. It’s not that hard to use their pronouns.
They/Them? Awesome.
She/Her? Cool beans
He/Him? Neato
Other pronouns? Also neat!
They want to be addressed as Mx. (last name)? Go for it!
They want to use a different name from their given name? Right on!
It takes 0 time to make these quick changes. Also: Your students will trust you!
One of my coworkers is given gendered activities to work with. She says Boys Here, Girls Here, and Everyone Else Here. Some kids join the 3rd team because their friends are on it. It’s not seen as a big deal.
I now see why I struggled with showing my interests to my parents when I was a kid.
I’m listening to my cousin going on about Fortnite. The kid adores the game and is talking about the battle pass and he how hopes to get it later on today.
My mum just flatly says she doesn’t know what that means and has told him to hurry up as they go through the door, not giving my cousin any wiggle room to explain what it means. Fortnite is special to him, he wants to talk about it, he wants to engage but how can he when at that moment, the adult he’s talking to shuts him down?
Why can’t some people just take a damn minute to listen, REALLY listen to what kids are saying? He’ll now sit in the car in complete silence because his aunt isn’t interested in what he likes.
I’m not saying everyone has to be a fountain of knowledge for things like that. Hell, you don’t have to like what another person’s into but for the love of god, at least TRY and give it a go in understanding why it’s so important to that person.
“Oooh, that sounds neat! Tell me about it?” Is one of the best things you can say to a kid. (Or an author.) It matters less that you understand it than it does that they are allowed- are *encouraged*- to explain it
Redemption has to be possible and very obviously a real and tangible option for bad people, or else things can only get worse for everybody involved in any dispute, including large scale political and societal disputes.
If the only options given to a bigot are “remain a bigot and be treated like a bigot, or find a way to be a better person and change your mind but still be treated like a bigot,” they will fight violently like they are cornered, because socially speaking, they are.
Leftists are getting better at this then we have sometimes been, but we can still be better at this. I can be better at this. It is strategically advantageous and just the right thing to do that the door to redemption is made obvious and wide open.
I feel like 90% of what gets called “allyship” is just, like, being a loving person and listening to people’s needs
like, my boyfriend is unequivocally not the type of person to reblog “10 ways to support autistics” types of posts. he would probably make fun of that, actually. but he sure did get me out of that restaurant in five seconds flat when I went into sensory overload. and held me in a compression hug as we walked. I am still nonverbal and he is just lying here next to me and texting me that he loves me.
and it all makes me think of that one Mel Baggs post – how sometimes the people who save your life are the same people purity-minded activists would have you discard. my boyfriend is Problematic as fuck and he is also so loving and caring and gentle I could weep. this is not a contradiction because he is a person and people are allowed to contain multitudes
Upon further reflection, I think this is one of the reasons – possibly the main reason – so many disabled and neurodivergent people have Issues with social justice dictums. Our advocacy needs tend to be more personal than political. There’s an intimacy there that doesn’t necessarily translate to lists of ways to support X. As such, we are often in a better position to engage with our allies as *human beings* rather than as avatars of social change. If you trust someone enough to ask them to lie on top of you when you go nonverbal, or to help you into your wheelchair, or to change your catheter, there’s an inherent engagement with shared humanity there.
At that point, I can’t bring myself to care if they’re “challenging media portrayals of disabled people” or any of the other things such lists contain. They are caring for me in a far more direct and personally salient way. And I think a lot of nondisabled activists, having never relied on other people for such care, underestimate the importance of that. Their idea of advocacy is more abstract.
Also there is the problem a lot of the people who are supposed to be allies… are really not good at accommodations outside of established norms. Like I would be uncomfortable telling strange allies my needs because they might label it “maladaptive coping” even if what they have decided “health coping” happens to be triggering to me.
I have been more at home in the presence of edgy troll types that happened to actually consider me a friend then allies who consider themself basically a chaperone or something. Accessiblity and purity don’t really mix well.
I got extra aggravated at that bit of Amazon strike commentary, as another demonstration of how much more value too often gets placed on using the right words than on actually behaving decently.
Like I said in tags, I learned about this stuff (in age-appropriate ways) before I started school, with another round of mining strikes going on then not far from home. The folks I learned about this from were not that big on rattling on about “powerful acts of class solidarity”, in those terms. They were probably too busy not freaking scabbing.
Reminder: Do not buy from Amazon or even open the website on 10 July 2018, in solidarity with the transnational strike.
Amazon workers in Spain have called for a transnational strike because Amazon has been avoiding accountability for its labour rights violations by merely shifting the work (and the human rights abuses Amazon inflicts on their workers) to non-striking countries, each time a strike occurs. If there is widespread striking transnationally, Amazon will have no choice but to recognize the strikers’ demands in order to keep their facilities functioning.
Our job as allies is to support the strike by avoiding using the Amazon website or purchasing anything from Amazon for as long as the strike continues. A mass boycott of the site, coinciding with the strike, will strengthen the workers’ bargaining position and could be crucial to Amazon workers gaining back basic rights in a variety of countries.
Please remember this includes subsidiaries like Twitch and Audible.
This is tomorrow!
Please do not shop on Amazon tomorrow.
Please do not stream Amazon music or video tomorrow
Please do not order from sites using Amazon Payments tomorrow.
For one day, please, avoid it.
As a worker-for-rent who’s worked during strikes or demonstrations – PLEASE, if there’s a strike DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH THAT COMPANY ON THAT DAY IF THERE’S ANY WAY TO AVOID IT. Not only do folks like me get an easy day, it’s also a powerful act of class solidarity.
Also, if you’re a social media type of person, please tweet and comment at the company that you’re choosing not to use their services, in solidarity of the strike. Make sure they know.
HAVE YOU TRIED NOT BEING A SCAB? Don’t preach class consciousness to me if you don’t practice it. Fucking worm.
Seriously though.
There are actual reasons that scabbing has historically been very very bad for people’s health. Doesn’t matter how hard up you are for money, you just don’t do that. If these workers weren’t facing a lousy situation themselves, they wouldn’t need to go on strike.
Another case of if you’re not going to help, at least don’t directly hinder strike action–much less talk about any “act of class solidarity” while you’re doing it 🤔
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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