Not that surprised by now that ongoing circumstances have really got the OCD crap kicking into overdrive too. It doesn’t always take that much, and I was already pretty deep in a burnout.
Glad I do also have enough perspective by now, though, to step back from it a little and try not to engage with the looping bullshit. Or so I try to tell myself đ
One ridiculous side effect of my legs skinnying up enough that my thighs don’t meet even sitting with my knees clamped together: dropping stuff!
As I was just reminded again, I had better not try to set anything smallish on my lap temporarily, or it’s liable to make a floor escape through the Lap Crack. Including paperbacks thinner than The Stand and my phone, often as not. One other favorite: scissors you want to use again very shortly!
Bonus: when it hurts to pick the crap back up out of the floor.
Yet I keep forgetting and automatically doing this anyway đ Because of course I do.
this isnât a cult lmao please read up on how cults function before you call any group of people that have sex with more than one person a cult
âPolyamory is basically like a cultâ wow fuck you too
a poly man: iâm in a relationship with a bunch of people and if other people want to join this relationship the process is kind of selective because i donât want to date just anyone i want to date people who i click with and thereâs a lot of people involved who also get a say because i want my partners to like each other
Woke monogamous ppl on tumblr dot edu: This is LITERALLY a cult? this Literally describes a Cult?
Op just admit you are mad you could never get more than one person to put up with you hshshdjjdjsjsj
Like, no duh itâs kind of selective? Dating is selective. Polyamorous dating isnât less selective than monogamous dating. Donât call things cults unless they meet the actual definition of a cult because words actually mean things, OP. Demonizing queer people isnât cute.
Yeah, unlike what some people might believe, we donât just fuck anyone. Nothing cult-like about, you know, wanting to choose your partners based on certain standards, likeâŠyou knowâŠeveryone else.
This is⊠a really weird uncharitable description of a poly relationship by someone who has never listened to a damn word the person in that relationship said about it.
(I say this as a n obligate mono person who doesnât really get it either, fwiw. But WOW. The framing here is justâŠ. y i k e s)
Is the way the dude phrased things a little weird? Yeah. But if Jeff Goldblum got up there and said he felt like heâd married his wife 25 lifetimes ago the moment they met, y’all be calling it #goals
This, btw, is what polyam people are talking about when we say âsometimes we face bigotry or oppression for being polyam.â Because OPâs attitude isnât unusual. Framing a polycule as a âsex cultâ is the go-to #1 way even vaguely socially conservative people see us. This is the exact shit that makes us very careful about who we let know about our situations, because shit like this gets you out of a job, or CPSâd, etc.
And god help you if you happen to be a man in a polycule thatâs primarily women or that includes at least one lesbian. (Fun fact: Everyone in the polycule isnât necessarily fucking everyone else in the polycule) Because no matter when you came in or what your position is, you WILL be assumed to be the âleaderâ of the thing and absolutely will be assumed predatory by assholes like OP. Even in queer spaces, people will be checking on your partners, trying to convince them that they donât âhaveâ to stay with you.
And while the sentiment behind it is good (trying to make sure people arenât in situations they donât want, trying to keep an eye out for possible creepos), itâs also goddamn exhausting.
Since my brain apparently just won’t let this go, a little more about that dig from my uncle that I talked around some a few days ago.
Relevant snippet from his message:
(Sounds pretty mild out of context, right? There’s plenty of not-so-nice context, however, and this is him trying hard to be pleasant dealing with me. Which actually makes it more exasperating, in a way.)
Almost the first thing my grandmother said, right in front of me, when my mother and I arrived at their house to move in after the split:
“I knew you were impossible to live with, but what did you do to make him leave?!”
(*proceed into histrionics with more insults along the same lines, until my grandfather yells at my mom some more for making her mother so upset*)
Why Bill wanted out, AFAICT: Whatever money they had was gone, the house was getting foreclosed on through his own doing, and he had a girlfriend set up to move in with.
I guess that is understandable, as to why he might be ready to leave. But, not in the way my uncle probably means.
How Bill handled it: Turned full-on “Divorce-Related Fetid Fathering Syndrome” stalker even though he was the one who left (with more details through the link; I don’t have the spoons to repeat right now). Link since the upload keeps choking when I try to add it properly: http://clatterbane.tumblr.com/post/53326481418/divorce-related-fetid-fathering-syndrome
See also: the last handful of reblogs here, which I decided to just bring back in case someone else might benefit. It was not a good situation at all.
By the time he took off, he was acting unhinged to the point that he had decided my grandfather and this uncle were both out to get him, AFAICT mostly because they were not accepting his bullshit. And he was threatening to kill them too, in front of me. In retrospect, it was probably lucky that he did take off rather than go on some kind of rampage.
They were not getting along very well at all, for years that I witnessed. I was there. And that was with people other than him trying to put on a good front and not make things harder on a kid who was stuck in the middle. I could still tell that they didn’t think much of his behavior, and no damned wonder. He started showing open contempt for people other than the Family Scapegoat. My uncle is hardly stupid. He noticed this and didn’t much like it.
Anyway, what my uncle said (and carefully left unsaid, knowing him) does not make any sense whatsoever outside the kind of terrible scapegoating family dynamics which produced “I knew you were impossible to live with, but what did you do to make him leave?!”
Everybody knows my mother was an impossible-to-live-with Crazy Bitch, and surely whatever bad behavior she wasn’t exaggerating/just making up she must have provoked in some way.
(Never mind the less slick abusive behavior you saw later, when Bill wasn’t even trying to get you on his side anymore. That can be safely edited out.)
That is also a neat setup if you’re behaving in abusive ways, and targeting said already scapegoated Crazy Bitch. Who basically married you to get out of a family situation like that in the first place.
Which is indeed kinda why I suspect she felt like she had to put up with abusive behavior in a marriage for that long.
Some unfortunately classic dynamics, yeah. Which I could only really start looking at more once I wasn’t buried in it all the time. And I was never the kind of family scapegoat she was, to bear the brunt.
It still makes me mad that my uncle is just continuing to echo this BS without any kind of critical thought. And that seems to extend to realizing he’s even doing it, as I commented more on before.
Not much is likely to change some behavior there. I realize this. I still have a right to get angry.
Including at that urge to minimize the whole earlier situation also kinda throwing me under the bus. As the other party in the middle most affected by some horrible behavior. That’s not even the main reason this went all over me the way it did, but it certainly didn’t help.
I’ve had more than enough of people trying to edit reality for others around them by now. That pisses me off Besides continuing to scapegoat a dead person, that’s probably what gets me the worst about this relatively small example of some fucked-up family dynamics.
Another nitpicky thing showing up repeatedly on my dash. Decent overall point, but:
iâm mixed race and the very concept of my existence wouldâve been illegal in the us when my parents were born.
“Degenerate” and “shouldn’t be allowed to breed more defective mutts to corrupt decent Anglo-Saxons” are not the same thing as “illegal”, however. Even in that time and place.
After setting up the backup blogs, I ended up going through comments on my original WP blog that I haven’t used at all for years. Hadn’t even opened the admin dashboard for several years, for that matter.
A bunch of spam that made it through the filters, no surprise. I also ended up deleting some OTT hateful sounding comment that some rando felt a need to leave like 5 years after the post was published. Kind of surprised there was only the one waiting that I saw, even with that blog inactive, but hey.
Not often that I’ve had to shitcan comments, but there is ample fair warning that this will happen if you come into my house and get gratuitously hateful đ
âHe fails at the simplest gestures of courtesy, from walking in front of the queen of England to his refusal to fly the flag at half-staff after John McCainâs death. At a listening session with survivors of a school shooting, he needed a note card saying âI hear youâ to remind himself to pretend to listen to them. Curiously, Trumpâs social autism is the source of his appeal. A Pew survey found that what Trumpâs supporters like most about him is his personality, not his policies. They like his personality more than his policies for the same reason that men like the sex scenes in pornography more than the plots: Vulgarity is the point.â
Exclusionists who complain about âcishet apologistsâ, âcishet lapdogsâ, etc. and then turn around and mock âmogai hellâ identities because apparently we need to make our community palatable to cis straight people so badly its important to shut down identities that they might not take seriously enough be quiet challenge.
âqueerâ is such a useless term. if i tell someone im bisexual, they know i am attracted to men and women. if a man tells me he is gay, i know he is a man exclusively attracted to other men. if someone tells me they are queer, it tells me nothing about them. it doesnt tell me who they attracted to. it tells me nothing about that person.
It tells me theyâre trying to be a extra lil bitch and that I shouldnât be friends with them
No, you probably shouldnât, for their sake.
yall realise thats exactly the point, right
queer covers everyone who is noncis or nonstraight
it covers the identities you want to erase or disallow from the community
it doesnât immediately tell you private information about someoneâs sexuality or gender that you arenât entitled to
and the person in question may not even know themselves, but queer is what they know they can always use if theyâre not sure except they know theyre definitely not cis/straight
you hate it because itâs too inclusive and too broad. Itâs supposed to be inclusive and broad. If someone tells you theyâre queer then all you need to know is that they are in some way not cis or straight and other than that it aint your business. If being told someoneâs identity is none of your business pisses you off, thats a you problem
Imagine saying you wont be friends with someone unless they disclose all details of their gender and orientation immediately upon meeting you and still feeling that youâre morally superiorÂ
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
You must be logged in to post a comment.