You know what I really missed in my life growing up? Autistic rolemodels.
When I was a kid, I often heard adults say things like ‘kids need a rolemodel’, and as I grew older, I read more and more articles about how rolemodels are extremely important in the development of a child. I always found this ridiculous, after all, I had no positive rolemodel growing up, and I did just fine, right?
Lately, however, I’ve begun to realize that a lot of my internalized ableism is grounded in having no positive rolemodel. I have never once believed that I would be able to hold a job in the long term, or that I’d even be able to get one. After all, nobody in my family managed to hold any kind of salary job, and I don’t have what it takes to start my own business, so why would I be able to?
When your family isn’t a proper rolemodel, most kids would turn to celebrities instead. The reason I don’t is simply because I can’t relate to any celebrities or successful people. They are always so charismatic, so social, and when I look at them, I don’t see something I could become, but an impossible dream for everyone who is better at playing the system than I am.
What would really have helped me believe in myself (even if it turns out later that I, in fact, actually can’t hold a job) would have been positive autistic rolemodels. People I could relate to. People who could, metaphorically, look down at me and say: “I’m like you, and here’s what you could become”.
Of course, you do have the odd successful autistic person. However, almost all of them are in the IT/science field, and as someone who is bad at both of these things, that only added to my anxiety (”You can succeed as an autistic, but not you, because you aren’t the kind of autistic we want”). If they are successful in other areas, you often year the narrative of ‘despite their autism’, which only made me more intent on pushing away all of my symptoms. Or better yet, they have their autism completely erased by the media, so that I never even knew they were autistic.
And the fact that I saw no one like me who was grown up and doing well hurt me. It lead me to fear adulthood from a very young age, and it lead me to believe that I was incapable of becoming happy in the future. Hell, I still believe that. I’m still working through the effects of this thought process, figuring out what worries were justified and which ones were caused by internalized ableism. Having no autistic rolemodels hurt me, and it’s still hurting me.
We need autistic rolemodels. We need to give autistic people a fair chance to become successful, and we need to stop erasing or discrediting their autism when they do. Autistic adults can be successful, autistic adults can be happy, and we need to let autistic kids know exactly that.
we also need to rethink ideas of success and doing well, alongside this. autistic people should be able to aspire to anything anyone else does, but we also have the responsibility to question these ideas.
autistic people (or anyone) who can’t work or can’t get a job aren’t worth any less. we don’t have to be good at science or IT or anything in particular. we are already enough.
i think we end internalized ableism by saying “yes, you can aspire to whatever you want. and you are already enough, now, as you are.” both parts of this message are important.
y’all didn’t even add a tutorial of how to do this so imma put one right here
1. type in cmd.exe into your windows search and right click on Command Promt search result and select “Run as Administator”. 2. Type/Copypase in
net.exe stop “Windows Search” and make sure Windows Search is in quotations. It should then respond saying “The Windows Search service is stopping” and then tell you it’s stopped.
This is only a temp fix though, if you want it switched off permanently then do THIS:
1. Press the Windows key + R at the same time and type in services.msc.
2. Scroll until you find Windows Search and double click it to enter its Properties window.
3. Change the Startup type to Disabled. Apply this change and you can exit out.
Some people can speak, but at a cost that’s not worth it.
Some people are better off communicating in other ways.
Some people speak sometimes, and type other times.
Some people have words all the time; some don’t.
Some people can speak fluidly, but only on certain topics. (Just like how one can be fluent in some topics in a foreign language, but be unable to read the news).
Some people lose speech at certain levels of stress.
Some people rely on hand movements and stimming in order to find words.
Some people have a monotone and convey tone through motion.
Some people make a lot of mistakes with words, and rely heavily on tone to make themselves understood.
Some people rely heavily on scripts, and only sound normal when they stay on-script.
Some people say a lot of words they don’t understand, and are perceived as having meant them.
Some people substitute one word for another a lot, and don’t always realize it.
Some people can answer questions even when they’re having trouble initiating speech.
Some people who find speech easy sound odd.
Some people who find speech difficult sound normal.
You don’t really know how someone communicates until you’ve communicated with them substantially, and even then, you only know in the context you’ve communicated in. Appearances can be deceiving.
And it’s important to be aware that all of these things exist.
This made me cry. You have no idea how bad I needed this
I hate glamorizing over-working. It’s not healthy. The fact that there are so many people going without sleep, food, personal hygiene (not to mention time for relaxation, personal time, and socialization, which are very necessary for mental health) just to stay afloat is not something to be celebrated or applauded. It’s a problem, not a goal that all good employees should aspire to, or a norm everyone should be expected to perform.
Yoooooooo. This is lit. Like, actually really lit. Thank you for sharing this news.
If I didn’t it doesn’t look like anyone was going to lol
I didn’t hear a thing about it (but again, I’m NOT up to date with really anything nowadays it seems). Again though, thank you so much for sharing this.
Getting an Autistic d/Deaf or HoH Person’s Attention
One of the most common things I see the Deaf community explain is that you need to tap, not shout, to get a deaf/Hard of hearing person’s attention.
As someone who uses ASL because of severe auditory processing disorder and wears hearing protection for sensory issues almost 24/7, I want to shed light on the fact that, due to sensory issues and whatever else, many autistic people don’t like being touched.
I’m in that boat. My touch aversion is so severe that just the presence of people and the possibility of being touched accidentally can set off a panic attack for me.
That all said, I really need people to know that touching me to get my attention is a definite no go. As such, here are some alternatives:
GET MY ATTENTION VISUALLY: The best alternative is to use your hand as though you are tapping a surface (a subtle up and down movement) in my peripheral vision. DO NOT wave your hands obnoxiously in my direct line of sight. Seriously. It’s the sign language equivalent to shouting in my ear.
TAP OR KNOCK ON A SURFACE I AM TOUCHING: The second best alternative is to tap or knock the surface of a table or whatever that I am in contact with. The only discrepancy here is that if there is already a lot of movement/vibration (i.e. multiple people at a table), I may be tuning said vibrations out already. If you use this method, make sure it is distinct and rhythmic enough that I can recognise it apart from other peoples’ movements. It’s also important to make sure that you are tapping/knocking hard enough to be felt but not too loudly — that defeats the whole purpose.
MAKE USE OF TECHNOLOGY: The final option, especially if we are in a situation where doing one of the above has the potential to startle me (i.e. if I am in a quiet, solitaty environment and you wish to approach me when I am not tuned in to the environment or expecting you – like if I’m listening to music and stimming), is to send me a message on my phone. This is more for people I am familiar with and who have my contact info, but I do have a card on my key ring to notify people when I am nonverbal or having a meltdown in public that has my phone number on it. For the most part, if I am listening to music or engrossed in something on my tablet/phone, I will be more aware of incoming messages than any other time, and this method is gentler than the previous two if I am zoned out, tuned in, or hyperfocused. The main point here is to be sensitive to the fact that I can be easily startled.
And there you have it. Even though I wrote this about my specific preferences, a lot of the information is transferrable. Feel free to use/adjust/add to this list for your own personal needs, if it is useful to you.
An important fourth option that’s often used in the Deaf community when the above won’t work because you’re too far or don’t have a person’s phone number to text them: Get the attention of someone near the person you need to talk to and then tell them to do one of the first two things (important, because their first idea will probably be to tap them on the shoulder) and then point to you.
Also, to any men reading my posts who are horrified and want to know how they can help—offer to go with your female friends and relatives to appointments. Explain to them you’ve been reading about medical neglect towards women and let them know that if they ever want emotional support, you are there for them.
No, really, you have no idea how differently doctors react when there is a man in the room. Some female doctors will give ETD the side-eye and try to find ways to ask if I am okay (which, bless them) but once they are made aware that he is there at my request for emotional support, they are perfectly happy to have him there, and don’t talk to him unless I need them to.
Male doctors? Whole other ball game. They spot him sitting there and their whole demeanor shifts, and if they do talk over me to him, he quickly sets them right and doesn’t engage in their misogynistic comments, he just stares them down and steps in if he thinks I am being gaslighted, words and phrases like “is this the usual treatment for symptoms like this?” forces the doctor to explain usually what they’d do for him, at which point I am able to ask “so why am I not being sent for XYZ testing/why am I not being prescribed pain treatment?”
But also remember, you are there to be my ally, not to tell the doctor what you think is wrong with me, but to make them pay attention to me. Direct the conversation back to me, and if it’s not working, repeat exactly what I am saying and make them listen.
It’s entirely fucked up, but your mere presence could mean the difference between misdiagnosis and proper medical treatment.
And just because I am seeing it in the tags “#this shit doesn’t happen with female doctors” oh it absolutely fucking does.
Misogyny in the medical world is fucking ingrained. It’s in the very teachings of modern medicine.
Some of my worst gynecological experiences were at the hands of other women who thought I was bullshitting my pain levels when it comes to certain procedures and illnesses.
I’ve been told to “stop making a fuss” while I have screamed on the table from a speculum insertion (by the way, HUGE warning sign there is something majorly wrong with your muscle walls, pain upon insertion is not “normal” do not accept it if they tell you agony is normal upon insertion of anything) for a “routine” exam. And to give you some idea of my pain tolerance levels, I’ve had two root canals without anesthesia (cause
anesthesia doesn’t work for me) and I breathed deeply through them. I left nail marks in the chair and had to tap out a few times for a rest, but I’ve never screamed and shot out the chair like I was being murdered.
I’ve had female doctors tisk at my medical file and tell me I want to “get myself together”, like I’m having an autoimmune collapse for funsies. I’ve had female doctors tell me I “just need to have a baby” because that will “calm me down” and also “what does your husband thing of all this?”
Which speaking of, I’ve also had female doctors turn to my husband and say “wow you sure are good to be coping well with this” like eXCUSE YOU, HE’S NOT THE ONE WHOSE BODY IS EATING ITSELF ALIVE???!! BUT OKAY, SURE, I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO “BE MORE POSITIVE AND TAKE A TYLENOL”. OKAY THEN. (also as an aside: if they do ask your male friend/loved one to leave the room to ensure your safety and you aren’t being controlled, remember to ask for him to be brought back in. Sometimes they “forget” and you’re left on your own again)
And all of this? All those things I posted up there? Those apply to white women as well.
Women of color and women with disabilities, are more likely to be neglected and gaslighted than cis white able bodied women are—and we (I use the term losely when it comes to able bodied re: myself, heh) already get the short end of the stick when it comes to appropriate medical care. Be aware of your fellow women (all your sisters, not just your cisters) and if you are in a position to offer help and go to appointments and sit in on exams, know that it would be greatly appreciated.
And again, remember, it is not your place to talk over your friend, this is not about you or what you think is wrong.
This is about you using your privilege by your mere presence alone, to make sure your friend is going to get adequate medical care, whether it’s pain management or diagnosis.
Be a witness and hold those in the medical industry accountable for their neglect and actions against the vulnerable. Because by gods no one else will.
@thebibliosphere, are you aware most doctors won’t allow someone else in the exam room? Sometimes even spouses? Even if the patient specifically and verbally allows it? At least, that’s how it works where I live, in the south-east USA.
Besides that, though, good advice.
Oh they can tell you they’re not Allowed but they’ve no legal leg to stand on. If you want someone in there with you, you are absolutely legally allowed to do so. If you explain why you want your spouse in the room with you (you don’t need to say “I don’t trust you” just “I want someone else here to remember things/I get nervous”) and they downright refuse to let your partner in with you? That’s a huge red flag to me.
The only doctors who downright refused to let ETD in the room with me were the ones who ended up being dangerous and abusive in their behavior and I stopped the exams to demand someone else be allowed in the room with me as is my legal right. They might not be behind the curtain with me but they are absolutely allowed to be in the room by US law, regardless of state.
Don’t invalidate people’s struggles because you’ve been through worse. If someone is tired after working for 5 hours and you worked for 7, it doesn’t mean that they’re not allowed to be tired. It doesn’t mean they can’t feel what they’re feeling just because you’ve had it worse.
It’s completely, 100% natural and should always be acceptable to change your opinions.
It shouldn’t be embarrassing.
You shouldn’t have to pretend you were never wrong about anything and that you’ve always felt the same way about everything.
You didn’t catch someone being a “hypocrite” when some older post of theirs conflicts with a new one. The simplest explanation is that they learned or reconsidered something.
The ability to evolve your understanding of things should be something to celebrate and respect. How did we end up with this shitty fucking culture where a change of perspective is treated like a shameful flaw.
I wasn’t asked to a single dance in high school and didn’t have a serious romantic relationship until I was 22. And like, yeah that shit hurt when I was younger. I had a lot of fears that I was unlovable and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. And every time I would try to talk to anyone about it, the conversation became, “you’ll find someone”, when it should have been, “you don’t need a relationship or a date, you’re lovable & complete & beautiful on your own”.
So yeah, please normalize young people not dating, and please stop shaming them for it. There’s more to life than romance, despite what the media wants us to think.
THIS
Some of y’all need to read this shit and understand it fully
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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