Tag: internalized ableism

crypt–kid:

paranoidpeonies:

I far too often hear from able-bodied people, this notion and expectation that disabled people can, somehow, “switch off” their disability when needed.

Example: I’m moving tomorrow and the help I was offered to move my boxes and furniture was withdrawn because I was told to “toughen up”, and that it’s “for your own good”. All because I don’t “look disabled” (an incredibly ableist notion in itself). 

Last time I moved, the same thing happened: I had to move everything to  another town, with no help, and the fatigue that ensued caused me to crash for months (despite doing the task as slowly as possible to try and conserve energy). I was in bed for weeks before I could function and even think properly, and was feeling the effects for a long time after. 

And to a lot of people, that probably sounds unrealistic and “dramatic”. But, to those people I say, you have no idea the reality of how hard it is living with invisible illnesses, and being constantly expected to “keep up” with abled people, constantly being patronised when you’re truly trying your best and being told that you’re not. 

Able-bodied people need to realise that when we say we can’t do something, we mean it, and we know our bodies and limitations well. It’s not code for you to spout some “it’s time to push yourself to the limits” nonsense. I honestly just want to be heard, and not doubted at every. single. turn. 

This. Fucking this. As a physically disabled person (Brown Sequard Syndrome, to be exact, along with Hashimoto’s Disease and an unresolved heart condition that attribute physical symptoms as well along with mental illnesses such as Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), I’m made to feel guilty all the time by able-bodied, mentally stable people that just don’t get it. Plus, those notions start to pervade your OWN thoughts, so then you also get this feeling of, “Just fucking do it already. Like, it’s not that hard, people do this so regularly they hardly even think about it, so just do it already.” But you can’t, and then you feel even worse. And when you try to force yourself out of frustration or literally having no other option because you can’t get help from others or you’re tired of feeling like a burden, then you do serious harm to your body. Then, you’re bogged down even more than normally and the cycle continues. Perpetually exacerbated by the last attempt. And people think you’re lazy. And you start to believe them. And it deteriorates your mental state as well, and if you’re like me and already mentally ill, it just piles on and makes life hell. Moral of the story, if you don’t share someone’s illness, regardless of what it is, don’t pretend like you know what it’s like or that you know it’s limitations, and fucking believe disabled people when they tell you they’re literally incapable or risking severe pain. Quit approaching disabled people with a tough love attitude thinking we’re lazy underachievers that just need a push to do things. We. Know. What. We’re. Fucking. Talking. About.

New concept: Stop trying to pass for an ablebodied person.

aegipan-omnicorn:

aegipan-omnicorn:

It’s perfectly okay if you Can pass, of course.

No Shame in Having an Invisible Disability, But:

  • If you’re worried that you’re not passing,
  • If you spend your thoughts and your energy trying to pass,
  • If you blame yourself when you fail to pass,
  • If you don’t speak up when something is bothering you, because you’re afraid of looking weak, or pitiful,
  • If trying to pass hurts,

Stop Trying to Pass for an ablebodied person.

This is one of my early posts. I figure I don’t say it enough.

(Originally posted 26 March, 2016)

I still have some problems with getting stuck in “If you were too sick for school, you’re too sick to do Enjoyable Thing!” mode. Not to mention “just” running through all the available spoons trying (and often failing) to keep up with some basic responsibilities, so I just don’t have the resources left to do much else. A big ongoing issue these days, tbqh.

But, sometimes you just need to play a game. Even if you couldn’t, say, get out to the store earlier. And sometimes there are sufficently different things involved to make one thing way more doable than another, anyway.

Still trying to remind myself of this. Nobody should ever be expected to turn just plain grim because some things are hard enough for them to do already. Talk about beating your head against a wall. That’s just not reasonable, and it applies to everyone. There are enough mean people out there, and you don’t need to do that job for them.