Omg omg I got a bulbasaur at build a bear and I was kinda embarrassed about buying it for myself and stuff but there weren’t any other kids in the store or shoppers for that matter and the girl helping me said she was glad to here it was for me as she collects some plushies and has her own bulbasaur.
Well she was almost done stuffing him and then I noticed that you can put scents in your bear and fucking love cotton candy and the girl basically car salesmen style sold me on the scent pad and asked where I wanted the scent to go
And I didn’t know where it should go but she herself being quite the plushie enthusiast was like “you’re gonna hug him a lot right? may I reccomend right here” and pointed to his forehead
So I was like “awe cute yeah that sounds good” (my bulbasaur is totally stuffed mind you and I even had her make him extra firm )
and then the girl rolls up her sleeves and was like “alright bulbasaur! Here we go! I apologize in advance but this is gonna look very inappropriate!”
And she fisted my super full bulbasaur all the way to her elbow saying sorry to him and to me over and over again. It took her several tries to get the scent pad in place since my bulbasaur was so stuffed and she looked like she was straining and saying “I don’t know why they didn’t think about this design more, so many parents are gonna complain about this one day, I know it”
So all in all this was the best build a bear experience I’ve had since I was a little kid and I love my fat, cotton candy scented, anally inclined bulbasaur to pieces
I WORK AT BUILD A BEAR AND EVERY TIME I HAVE TO STUFF ONE OF THESE BASTARDS I HAVE TO ALSO PREPARE MYSELF FOR TWO THINGS: FIRST, I HAVE TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR PUTTING THE STUFFING TUBE INSIDE OF ITS ASS. RAWING BULBASAUR. “RAWING BULBASAUR” IS NOT A SENTENCE I THOUGHT I’D WRITE ON THIS LOVELY CHRISTMAS EVE NIGHT BUT HERE WE ARE.
SECOND: I HAVE TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE CHILD PURCHASING THE ANALLY INCLINED POKEMON ASKING ME, “why is it in it’s butt?”
LIKE I DON’T K N O W BUT IT ISN’T MY FAULT AND I CAN’T VERY WELL SAY I’M “RAWING BULBASAUR” IN FRONT OF A CHILD AND PARENT COMBO BUT EVERY TIME I LAUGH AND SAY, “that’s just the way it is” WHILE I FORCE STUFFING INTO THE POOR TOY’S ASSHOLE AND ASK MYSELF HOW MY LIFE CAME TO THIS
when we got bulbasaur my manager looked at me, looked at its anus, and said she was sorry.
this is the life I, and build a bear employees everywhere, must lead.
If I go to Build-a-Bear I’m getting a bulbasaur
I have one and I suggest getting a voice thing in it as well because it sounds like it is protesting the prostate exam it’s going through the whole time.
Hello, my name is Alex Andreyev. I’m an artist living in Saint –
Petersburg. I’ve been drawing, painting and doing graphic design over
last 20 years. My last project is an animated film “Koo! Kin-Dza-Dza”
(senior concept artist), the winner of the Asia Pacific Screen Awards
2013 (best animated film). You can buy all my pictures in a high resolution for print on my site – alexandreev.com/
I wish people would stop equating that person who willingly mailed their amputated toe to a friend to use in jewelry to that ghoul who literally stole the bones of poor people from a cemetery. They’re not nearly on the same level, one is just weird and the other is evil.
wait that wasnt the same person
nah the toe people weren’t witches just heavily into psychedelics and it was an expression of love iirc
so about 10x worse in their own way
live and let live i say it’s their toesies they can do what they want
the toe was amputated years ago for medical reasons and had been kept in formaldehyde since, it’s not particularly ghoulish or horrifying once you get past the initial shock
still kinda ghoulish to keep a toe
if i had my toe amputated and the doctors asked me if i wanted to keep it i’d definitely say yes on impulse, and once you have a toe you’re stuck with it because what are you going to do? just chuck your own toe in the garbage pail next to a used coffee filter and some onion skins? mailing it to a friend honestly sounds like the sensible option to me i empathize with these people
St Lucy is the patron saint of anyone with eye problems, primarily because her Latin name Lucia means “light”. Some stories suggest she was martyred by having something nasty done to her eyes, but this seems have been a later invention, since early accounts have her being stabbed in the neck. Anyway, medieval and Renaissance artists liked to identify her in paintings by making her carry around two eyeballs on a plate. Or in a bowl. Or even in a wine glass. Other artists preferred to show the eyeballs growing on a stalk or on a cocktail stick like a really weird canapé, but those serving suggestions are somehow less amusing than tableware.
Meanwhile, the eyes in Lucy’s head can sometimes be seen casting a sideways glance at the receptacle in her hands, probably because it often resembles some sort of bemused Muppet.
I definitely like how some of them are legitimately detached eyeballs, some are disembodied floating eyes complete with shady eyelids, and some give the effect of the artist anthropomorphizing the Object of Proffering by giving it googly eyes. Like, it’s obvious that some artists know that eyeballs are balls, and some people thought that was a figure of speech and obviously eyes have Flesh Curtains on them at all times. Medieval artists are so wild! the way they’re like “ehhhhhh THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH,” it never stops being funny.
It also reminds me of a job interview I had one time where the professor was like “so do you have a problem with eyes” and I was like “I am not… sure…?” and he was like “here take and find out” and I looked at the object in my hand and was like “so this is a… it’s a detached human eyeball, is it?” and he was like “yeah” and I was like “Fresh?” because you have to say SOMETHING, and he was like, “well, Yeah,” and I was like “oh lovely”
but MENTALLY I was like “I … don’t THINK i have a problem with eyes, but I … THINK … that I have a problem with THIS. whatever this is. I mean, it’s fine, but I think i’m,, I think I’m okay not working for you” but it was still an interview so I said “Hmm,” supportively, holding the eyeball (it was cold)
and he held out a dish LIKE SAINT LUCIA, NOW I SEE IT, and I put the eyeball on it and he turned and put it away behind him, anyway I decided I didn’t want that job, but yeah, YEAH, you definitely want to carry an eyeball on a dish, that’s definitely how you want to do that, you don’t want to improvise any more than that.
Elodie
Elodie listen
I am gonna need you to explain what sort of job that was because otherwise I will become distraught trying to figure it out and yet Never Knowing
It made perfect sense in context, it was a perfectly ordinary seeming lab gig, the prof seemed normal, he just unexpectedly had a dish with two human eyeballs on it, and in order to see if I had a “problem with eyes” he took a dish and tipped a human eyeball into my hand and looked at me to see if I had a problem with it. Which is fair because the job did really involve that sort of thing. I think it probably was better to get it out of the way before it got weird.
And I still think about the dish, and how it looked quite funny with the eyeballs on it. Somebody probably Donated Them to Science thinking that they were going to really advance the discourse… well, I guess they probably did cos there were 12 other people who wanted the job
But yeah it kind of divides your life into two parts, the part before a guy hands you an eyeball and the part after
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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