Señor F. R. and his wife thank Saint Patrick with this retablo because they finally managed to save enough money for a giant bath in which they can make love since the two of them are pretty fat.
It’s called The Pearl Royale,
and its appearance suggests it’s fit for a queen. Created by Australian
jeweler Colin Burn, the made-to-order piece is composed of solid
platinum and bejeweled with pink and white diamonds, blue sapphires, and
South Sea pearls. Stylistically, its crown-shaped top connotes royalty
– or, say, something that would be perfect for the paramour of a
Russian oligarch. The South Sea pearl at the top of the device functions
as a key to operate it or can be detached and worn as a necklace. If
you want all your friends to know just how fancy you like your bespoke
love, the custom tool comes in a wall-mountable display box.
Love too surf the internet at 2 in the morning.
They also have a £138,000 king cobra-shaped platinum cock ring (“Thought to be the most exclusive cock ring in the world”), but I hear the silver one works nearly as well in terms of ostentatiously preserving your vile tumescence.
Granted, I’m only 40% certain they’ve ever actually sold a single product.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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