So freaking interesting and detailed and all-around useful and informative!
The title made me Nervous As Fuck, but it’s actually a very interesting read.
Here are the main parts:
In the author’s experience, the 1-2-3 fingers ‘preparation’ thing that we all know and love (and happens in 99% of fics) isn’t done by gay men. It’s important to be relaxed and go slow, then take a minute to adjust – but the idea of ‘stretching’ with fingers isn’t recognised. (According to the author. There’s some fighting in the comments. He adds that written fingering is hot – it shouldn’t be wiped from fanfiction by any means – but it should instead be embraced as a pleasurable sex act of its own, rather than a mandatory stage of all anal sex ever.)
Anal sex without preparation and lube isn’t actually going to cripple you. It’s commonly done, especially by long term partners, and frankly it can be part of the appeal.
I’m so guilty of this. I’m sorry, End Game Myc, I didn’t know. Continuing sex after the bottom has come is generally very unpleasant and uncomfortable. It’s also seen as bad etiquette and very selfish.
Cock rings don’t stop you coming. They prolong an erection, sometimes even after coming.
The prostate isn’t a ‘press for pleasure’ button. It doesn’t produce an immediate shower of stars. Like all sexual pleasure, it builds gradually and needs sustained stimulation.
Coming after two or three tugs of the cock shouldn’t be written as ‘standard’, even if the character has been on the edge for a while. It generally takes longer. Ten seconds is given as a ‘minimum’.
Male orgasm isn’t really heat – it’s pressure – and it’s located more in the groin than in the belly.
The slit at the end of a man’s cock isn’t that sensitive. The frenulum (underneath the head) is the sensitive bit. There’s also no large vein on the underside of a penis, and it certainly doesn’t swell up.
Apparently we can make more of a thing out of pre-come. It’s normal for there to be loads of it. (Hurray?)
There’s more discussion, personal experiences and arguing in the comments.
I’d love to pioneer the “fingering isn’t necessary” campaign – but I know that the first fic I post without dutiful fingering will get at least twenty comments explaining to me how anuses work (i.e., they’re elastic and need to be stretched.)
I’m a cis woman, but I’ve had my share of anal sex and I’ve been campaigning that fingering isn’t necessary for years. Lube up, start slow, relax, and you can insert a penis without any prior prep.
Anuses don’t so much “stretch” as “dilate.” And if you’re experienced, you have some control over the muscle. I’ve even had anal sex without lube, and while I wouldn’t necessarily recommended that, it was not particularly painful and I certainly didn’t bleed or anything. There’s such a thing as rectal mucous. It’s not at all like vaginal lubrication, but a rectum isn’t totally dry. It definitely helped that my partner was uncircumcised (which will be true of most UK/European characters) and we weren’t using condoms. Foreskins reduce friction and condoms add it, so, I wouldn’t recommend unlubricated anal sex except in those circumstances.
The “one finger, two finger, three finger fuck” trope annoys me and I never write it. My characters usually just get down to the anal intercourse if that’s what’s on the menu. Or, if I do write prep, it usually involves butt plugs or rimming, since I like those things and I dislike fingering. I’ve never had anyone lecture me in the comments about how anuses work (and if they did I’d tell them where to stick it, literally).
My friend @ellainflight, who I just dragged onto Tumblr and who is exploring how she is autistic, was asking me:
“What’s the difference between being nerdy/geek and on the spectrum? I mean, all those characteristics– being literal, direct, punny, into “weird” stuff– that’s what being a nerd/geek is!“
I said, “IMHO, most of the stuff we label nerdy or weird is another way of labeling someone autistic bc those Venn diagrams are practically a circle”
But I also promised to throw the question out to Tumblr for her.
She also said: “Because those are terms that identify someone as “not normal”. And I wonder… I know I was a really weird kid, and didn’t follow social cues and was totally shunned and unpopular. And also had emotional issues because of abuse. So… was I weird because of abuse and fucked up inadequate parenting? Or was my brain actually wired differently? Or both?
“And now that I have learned to compensate and how to make small talk… even though it is exhausting and hard sometimes… like yesterday OMG I had to be out in the sun all day and talk to people and I didn’t want to… does that mean I’m autistic, on the spectrum, wired differently, or just didnt’ want to be working on a Sunday?
"You know I don’t want to claim the label partly because I have worked so hard to be normal – or look normal– and learned how to manage social interaction so that I’m surface-level acceptable to most.
"But I do have good relationships, counter to most of the descriptions I’ve read about autistic people, and relationships really matter to me. And, like you!, I’m an extrovert who also needs downtime. And I have a fucked-up depressive brain which tells me untrue things like "being at home watching TV is all I want to do”. and I know that is a LIE, but I didn’t used to.“
Personally I would say that yeah, emotional abuse while you’re growing up can make it really hard to interact with people. But it’s not because you don’t learn to make small talk. It’s because you learn to be terrified to trust even casual acquaintances.
From what I’ve heard, allistic emotional abuse survivors are more likely to use small talk as a wall protecting themselves from emotional intimacy. As opposed to having small talk be a huge drain on them and incredibly hard to learn.
That’s a generalization of course – the part about using it as a wall. But not the part about having it be really hard to learn and hugely draining.
I guess a good rule of thumb would be, if it’s draining because you’re constantly low-level triggered, it’s an abuse thing.
If it’s draining because you are constantly analyzing what the subtext of someone’s small talk is, and what they are really asking of you, and what the rules for replying to this person are in terms of what you should say and how you should say it, it’s an autistic thing.
and yep, you can have both of those at once and a lot of us have intense social anxiety both because of that, and also just because, as autistic people, most of us have been emotionally abused at home or at school or both and that can cause a ton of anxiety around people.
So it all can be very confusing, because it’s a fucking vicious cycle where people abuse us for being "weird” and then we’re coming off as “weird” even more because of their abuse, which attracts even more abuse, which…
and yes, those of us who are both autistic and abuse survivors are often “weird” because of both things!
well, this was a really interesting post because tbh I’ve been trying to figure the same thing out for like two years but like, my issue is that, so your description of small talk as an autism thing is like 100% correct.
but like, for me at least it is also I constantly over analyse subtext and what I’m supposed to say/do in response because I know I’m weird and I’m low-key terrified if I say the wrong thing people will be awful to me and also because I just generally do not trust my gut instinct with responses because anxiety/I’m convinced I’ll do it wrong because I do everything wrong (thanks brain) so I second guess everything like five times before I say or do it and like……
Autism thing or “I was bullied for like a decade thing”???????????????? Because I sure as shit don’t know………
(Although I don’t really use small talk to avoid emotional connections, I mean I do avoid emotional connections but not really through small talk because I don’t really small talk with anyone I’m friends with (avoiding emotional connections with people I’m close with mostly takes the form of not talking about negative feelings like ever but I don’t really class screeching about TV shows and catching up as small talk which is mostly what I talk to my friends about so???) if I want to avoid an emotional connection with someone for the most part I just, will not talk to them. Small talk for me is functional and usually mandatory it’s for colleagues, classmates, clients and acquaintances basically and I hate it because I have no fucking clue what I’m doing….)
From the translation-Mr. Ye of New Taipei, Taiwan on 1 October 2014
sitting at home playing some video games when you begin to get sweaty from the strenuous button mashing. Like anyone would, you change into a pair of Speedos to cool down a bit. Then, feeling a little peckish after some more gaming, you decide to cook up some ramen.
Wanting to enjoy some tasty ramen, Mr. Ye brought a portable stove to the room in which he was playing games.
However, as he fired up his stove, its heat came into contact with a box of fireworks lying nearby and set them off. In total 20 rockets were fired, all of which hit Mr. Ye square in the crotch. The impromptu fireworks show also generated loud bangs on four separate occasions.
It was these sounds that alerted neighbors to call the fire department. When the emergency workers opened the door to Mr. Ye’s room they could vaguely see him through a cloud of smoke, wearing a Speedo, on all fours, legs spread, and yelling “Owwwww!!!”
Mr. Ye was swiftly treated and released from hospital having only received minor bruises and burns to his crotch region. Although one could argue there’s no such thing as a “minor” bruise to such a sensitive area.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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