Tag: personal

After setting up the backup blogs, I ended up going through comments on my original WP blog that I haven’t used at all for years. Hadn’t even opened the admin dashboard for several years, for that matter.

A bunch of spam that made it through the filters, no surprise. I also ended up deleting some OTT hateful sounding comment that some rando felt a need to leave like 5 years after the post was published. Kind of surprised there was only the one waiting that I saw, even with that blog inactive, but hey.

Not often that I’ve had to shitcan comments, but there is ample fair warning that this will happen if you come into my house and get gratuitously hateful 😒

Things that improved my emotional stability by at least 90%: Not dealing with my crazy-ass family every single day

Things that can apparently trigger me into a major (thankfully temporary) tailspin: Right 😩

Time for a sleep reset soon, with any luck.

clatterbane:

But yeah, reminded with the great parenting example? My mother actually found James Woods’ performance in The Boost extremely triggering when she watched it, with some way too familiar character behavior. Speaking of running with some salesman stereotypes. That was also when she really started wondering if coke might have been a factor earlier.

Combined with the fact that he was basically working for the Sopranos for a while.

(And, I would add in terms of ethics, happy enough to flog equipment to the destructive mining industry on their behalf for years if the pay was good enough. With all the money flowing around the mining industry, it’s hardly surprising there at least used to be a lot of not so secret Mob involvement. I don’t know about anymore, but it’s not like the money has dried up there.)

Again, I don’t know if the details even really matter as to why he did crash pretty spectacularly and his behavior got way more erratic.

But yeah, I am still kind of conflicted about having had no contact with him (by his choice) since like 1986. It’s also hard to separate out some of my mom’s really unbalanced splitting behavior and wanting to blame him for literally everything that ever went wrong–to the point she kept taking it out on me because I reminded her of the man–from his very real lousy behavior. With someone I haven’t seen or talked to since I was 11 years old. When he was several years younger than I am now.

I don’t know if trying to get back in touch as a grown-ass adult would even be good for any closure there. But, I’ve been thinking about it some lately. My mom is also not around to flip completely out on me in response to whatever I might decide to do there.

(Assuming he’s still around, anyway. I know where he was, and he was still there 10 years ago. But he’d be getting up there, and it’s not like he was taking great care of himself before he hared off, way back when. Who knows.)

I ran across this post from like a year and a half ago, while looking for something else.

Now that it turns out that the man is, indeed, still around and also trying to get in touch? I’m still conflicted in pretty much the same ways.

Honestly, if he hadn’t managed to get his shit together at least somewhat compared to when I was last around him? He might not have made it past 70 at all. His behavior was that unstable back then, just going by what I personally witnessed and trying to leave my mother’s takes out of it. And hopefully he has the sense not to pop up out of the blue to try and start shit. Who knows.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this whole situation more than I wanted to tonight, after getting another mail from my uncle earlier. And apparently needed to vent some–with as close to a neutral uninvolved audience as you could hope for.

(I’m also mad again right now, with the reminder that this neutrality description is the exact opposite of the therapy I got forced into when I was younger. Which was…not what I needed, to put it mildly. But, again, parents as the real clients and conflicts of interest :/ My head would not be in some of the specific knots it is now without that. Likely some other types of knots, but not ones installed by professionals.)

I’m trying to get ahead of the game tonight, and cook up some broth for leftover roast chicken ramen tomorrow. (Trying something a little different with it, though there’s no way in hell I am making noodles. Adapted to a GF recipe, or otherwise.)

So, especially after trying roasting the carcass a while for some extra flavor? The smell is driving me crazy. I’m not even hungry now, but still 🙃

I probably get even more disturbed at some of the shit people get up to, as someone who did grow up around guns-as-tools.

When you seem to have gotten much better safety training drilled in by the time you were 10 than too many actual adults who want to carry on a regular basis, there’s something bad wrong. Maybe at least some of them do know better and are “just” ignoring very basic safety precautions, but that really doesn’t make me feel any better about going near them.

Taking your pet abroad if there’s no Brexit deal

Oh my, looks like DEFRA actually has some published guidance on this, since September.

Mr. C came home a while ago pretty late from another drinks after work night: sloshed, showing some worry, and talking about going ahead and getting the cats set up with EU pet passports just in case.

Guessing there was probably some more discussion that got him thinking about it more urgently tonight, but he also said tonight that this political mess has come up in every single one-on-one conversation he’s had pretty much since the referendum vote.

(The Mr. Calm Cool and Collected act kinda breaks down when he’s been drinking, that’s for sure. Sounded like he’s been a lot more worried about the somewhat near future than he’s been letting on normally, which is honestly not that much of a surprise knowing him.)

He also brought up not being sure how best to go about moving the fish. But, by golly, if anyone is urgently hauling ass for Sweden, everyone is going! He apparently felt like this was important to emphasize 😅

So yeah, while I’m pretty concerned about what might happen with this ongoing political clusterfuck, and how I might manage with some practical details as bad as my health situation has been? If he’s feeling a need to emphasize while disinhibited that Nobody In This Household Will Be Left Behind On His Watch, Dammit–explicitly extended to fish he really doesn’t take much interest in other than the fact that I care about them?

I am at least less concerned that he’s gotten quietly fed up with my bullshit to the point that he doesn’t want to live with it anymore.

(Which is totally a product of my own jerkbrain, and nothing to do with anything he has actually said or done. Just to be clear. I am a worrier, what can I say. Though both of us avoiding conflict past the point where it’s necessarily healthy–and for similar reasons AFAICT–doesn’t always help set my mind at ease. Maybe not his either.)

Taking your pet abroad if there’s no Brexit deal

Unfortunately reminded again that, while I was well aware my dad was a hoarder? I didn’t expect that to extend to my stuff too, after I moved with two suitcases 😬 He said he would ship what I had boxed up, but apparently couldn’t let go of that either.

Still a little salty about that, it seems.

I actually had a close encounter of the foxy kind this evening, heading out to the store.

What looked like a fairly young one was trotting down the middle of the side street, right in front of a car which had just turned in. Lucky the driver seemed to be paying decent attention.

Anyway, that went on for about half a block before Foxy decided to take their chances turning into our parking area within a few feet of me standing there. I stayed still and said hello, but they really were not interested in hanging around. (What a surprise.)

Haven’t seen one that close up in a while, at least since that last one came exploring through the back door one night over the summer. And promptly got chased back down the hall and out the door by Feist 😾 The one earlier must have really wanted away from that car to dash into our garden.