fuck absolutely everything about the royal family every time i see a magazine cover thats like “adorable! prince george just shit his fucking diaper and it made me love imperialism again” i lose 10% of the cells in my body out of rage
ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum
[Katie Wojciechowski (@katiesays_) tweeted at 8:49 PM on Thu, Dec 21, 2017: My cousin’s grandma Grand Maggie recently told my aunt “I think there’s an opossum in our owl house” and Aunt Molly said “what makes you think that?” and Grand Maggie sent her this picture]
i hate everyone and everything and have not one ounce of patience for speaking or being spoken to and i cannot imagine ever feeling different than this so just accustom yourself to New Horrible Me
ATTENTION: since making this post i ate nine (9) chicken nuggets and i’m happy to announce i am no longer Apocalyptic Horrible Me, i’m just Regular Bad Me again
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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