my shit brain: i’m so bad at this, i just can’t do it-
me, a learning, growing human being whom believes in her own potential: yet bitch!!!!
you’ve been tricked by the education system into thinking that your worth is based on your ability to do the thing Right Now on the First Try, but here’s the big secret: everyone sucks at shit when they first try it, including the people who then get really good at shit. if little baby you had given up on talking because you fucked up on the first try, you wouldn’t know how to talk. and if your favorite singer/artist/whatever gave up because they fucked up on the first try, they wouldn’t have made that thing you love. so stop shitting on yourself for failing and get excited about learning a new skill instead! be bad at things!! have fun being bad at them!! that’s how you get better!!
There was this episode of Monk where he joined a painting class, drew one line, and then despondently said “I ruined it”, and that show may have had a lot of problems but fuck me if I haven’t been going back to that Mood for ten years solid now
I want other young people to understand that if the extent of your radical action is posting “eat the rich!” on social media and waiting for somebody to tell you a revolution has started, nothing will change and you’ll get arrested in the Third Red Scare and that’ll be it
And most importantly, joinradical groups in your area. Strength is found in numbers and none of us can change the world alone. If you need help finding your local movement, DM me and I’ll look around for you so you can start getting stuff done
Feed the people. People can’t–won’t– strike, protest, go against the bosses, sit in, down, or out, show up for community actions, marches or any other damn thing, and they won’t put thier jobs or homes or freedom or ability to feed and house thier kids in jepoardy unless you can answer the question “How are we going to eat?”
You’ve got to have an alternative. People need to eat and live and meet thier needs and the needs of the people they are responsible for. People have to come together and get each other taken care of and fed. Otherwise the only people who show up are the ones who can afford to. And since the group of people who both have resources-time, emotional, financial, transportation, etc and want to show up and change the system–is fairly small, and not growing fast…. That’s not enough people for a revolution.
Learn consensus. Build community with people. Talk to the humans around you and figure out what they need and how to organize people to meet that need. People aren’t going to show up and be told what they need. If you–if we–want a different system, we have to show up and show–not tell-people how they can meet each other’s needs.
and if your sole contribution is gatekeeping and infighting, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution. turn outward. look for opportunities to help. DO SOME WORK.
When communicating to someone about a sensitive topic, I’ve found it’s helpful to explain why you want to talk about it. If you say you’re worried, or hurt, or just needed to get it off your chest, it can help the other person not get defensive and then more completely process what you’re saying.
Many relationships die by a thousand little cuts. Little problems that on their surface are penny-ante. But the real offense, the hurt, is unresolved. And the little hurts pile up and the resentment builds until things fall apart.
It’s very easy for people to read a bad intent when you’re communicating a problem. Sometimes it’s a natural defense mechanism, if you think someone is just being shitty then you don’t have to really hear them. But it can just as often simply be an incorrect assumption. Communicating your intent can stop that from happening and help the conversation come to a more fruitful resolution.
But if you break it down, your intent is not just a lubricant to keep the conversation productive. Your intent is the point of the conversation. More often than not the problems we have with each other are not the real issue, it’s how those problems make us feel. When you communicate your intent, you’re fully explaining the issue that needs to be resolved.
“I’ve been missing you, could you skip your TV show tonight so we can play a video game together?” works better than “You don’t give me enough attention.” or “you watch too much TV.”
Or “I suspect it’s just my anxiety, but I’m worried that you’re angry with me because you’ve been kind of quiet.” is better than just “Why are you so distant?”
For years I worried that we couldn’t discuss problems because it would cause a fight. That was how the world I lived in as a kid worked. Having a partner who is open to hearing you is huge, but choice of wording helps even when you have a partner who wants to hear you.
very good advice. it really helps when you give the other person something actionable. a request, a suggestion, an offer to brainstorm. don’t complain; troubleshoot.
you don’t have to be emotionless or conciliatory. it’s ok to express anger. just be mature about it, and respect the other person. don’t go on a power trip, don’t leverage your legitimate gripes to make them grovel. keep your eyes on the prize. if you don’t know what the prize is, the next step is to tell them so and invite them to help you figure it out, not to moan until they miraculously do the right thing at random. even when you’re super upset you can still apply these skills.
wrong: “this place is a damn landfill because nobody but me does any housework!”
right: “there is some serious housekeeping fail going on around here. it’s kinda driving me bugfuck. i want to sit down and take a look at how we do the housework, because how we’re doing it right now sucks.”
see how the second one doesn’t blame? blame’s not important. responsibility is important, but that has to be worked out calmly or it’s not going to be functional. the first person is picking a fight; the second person is trying to solve a problem. you’ll notice they’re not smoothing ruffled feathers or acting apologetic, they’re clearly quite annoyed. but they’re aiming their anger at the situation, not the person.
even if they are angry with their housemate, working those feelings out is beyond the scope of the conversation. trying to combine venting with chore planning is, imo, the number one cause of screaming kitchen fights on planet earth.
Your abuser’s trauma does not justifiy them abusing you. Your abuser’s disability does not justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s gender does not justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s illness does not justify them abusing you.
For everyone that needs to hear this: there is nothing you could ever do that’s punishable by abuse, and there is NOTHING anyone could ever say to justify the abuse you experience(d).
you know what’s wild is that all these crazy standards we hold ourselves to are things that we don’t even value in another person? like i’ve never been like “wow I love that this friend of mine is too proud to ask for help and never complains about their feelings” or “my favorite quality about this friend is that they get straight A’s and never get overwhelmed and has never told me about a problem” or “i love that this friend has never been wrong about anything or slipped up and said something embarrassing once in their life” and yet here we are, pushing ourselves past our limits for and beating ourselves up over slipups of things that our friends probably wouldn’t even rank in the top 50 reasons they like us
I am not stupid for not being aware of something. I have to find out first and how exactly am I supposed to find out for the first time when no one informs me. And I am not stupid for believing false information that I had no way of knowing was false. I am allowed to make mistakes, being wrong isn’t bad. Forbidding someone from accessing information because you think they should already know it is bad.
I see a lot of people (especially disabled people) hate themselves for struggling with things that they think of as easy, often along these lines:
Person: I need to do this thing.
Person: It’s not hard. This is so easy. Why don’t I just do it?
Person: I know I need to do the thing. It’s been weeks. What’s wrong with me? This isn’t hard. I need to just do it already.
If you’re having trouble doing something, the thing you’re struggling to do is not actually easy. There is no objective difficulty scale. Tasks aren’t inherently easy or difficult — it depends on the person and the situation. Different people find different things easy and hard. Sometimes you will struggle with things that other people find easy. That doesn’t mean you’re failing to do an easy thing. It means that for you, the task is hard.
Sometimes things that are hard at first become easier with practice, or become easier when you learn new skills. Sometimes things never get any easier. Sometimes solutions that work for people who can do the thing without much trouble will work for you too; sometimes you might need support that other people don’t need.
Sometimes you might need to find an alternative to doing the thing. Sometimes the only solution is to have someone else help you do the thing or do the thing for you. It doesn’t matter if you think it ’should’ be hard or easy, if you’re having trouble doing something, that means the thing you’re trying to do is hard. (And sometimes, it might mean that the thing is impossible.)
Calling something easy does not make it easy, and you can’t make hard things easy by hating yourself. Hard things become much more possible when you accept that they are hard, stop trying to overcome the difficulty through sheer force of will, and seek out solutions that will work for you.
Tl;dr: If you’re saying to yourself “Why haven’t I done this easy thing?!”, the thing is probably not actually easy.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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