Tag: reminder

clatterbane:

karynchaotic:

if you see someone active on social media or something, and you message them, and they don’t reply, they don’t have to. just because they are awake and alive does not mean they have to engage with you whenever you want them to. you are not entitled to someone else’s time. 

in the past, an abuser would see me post online and then hound me on aim until i answered. i felt like i had to hide. they also lived in my building and would pound on my door if they saw me online and i wasn’t responding to them. i had to completely ditch a screenname, lie about having skype, and turn off my phone to hide. if i saw they were online i couldn’t post on facebook or interact with anyone without them demanding to interact with me. the only legitimate excuse not to talk to them was being asleep. in their eyes, if i were really their friend, i would always want to engage no matter what, even if i had a migraine or work to do or wasn’t feeling very social. it didn’t matter. 

please do not do this. if someone doesn’t write you back, don’t guilt them about where they are or what they’re doing. if you see someone posting on tumblr or facebook and they aren’t signed into aim or google or skype or whatever, that’s their business. if they are signed on but don’t write you back, it’s okay. sometimes people can’t talk to everyone all the time every time. some people can only talk to one person at a time without getting overloaded. some people are signed on in case someone needs to contact them with something important and not to be social. they’re not always hiding from you, and you shouldn’t make them feel like they HAVE to hide from you.

this is probably jumbled and i’m probably missing a lot here, but pressuring people to always be available to you every hour of the day and always answer the phone or text or chat or pm or whatever…if you require that of someone, you might need to take a step back.

Reminder: There are also actual reasons that some of us may have serious trouble responding to messages at all. And it’s unlikely to be about you unless you are acting like that.

I really don’t want to come across as some kind of antisocial asshole, but notifications popping up still freak me out every time. It goes way beyond “I don’t like IMs”. Seeing that it’s from someone I would want to talk to if I weren’t having a PTSD reaction doesn’t actually make it easier to respond, unfortunately.

No worries for anyone who hasn’t been aware of the problem. I’m still not entirely comfortable talking about it. And I feel bad about just leaving people hanging.

(To add to the OP’s excellent points.)

pro-autistic:

It’s okay to need explanations for things that other people don’t. It’s okay to ask questions with “obvious” answers. It’s okay to need instructions present in a way that’s different from the norm.

Your needs aren’t obnoxious or “asking for too much”. You deserve to get the help you need and you deserve to get it in a way that you can understand it.

labradorduck:

vampireapologist:

I think the most healing thing my therapist has said to me was that I’m allowed to be angry and bitter about slipping through the cracks my whole life. I was so obviously and desperately in need of help from kindergarten to 12th grade, and only once did anyone respond, when I was 12, and then I went to middle school and fell through the cracks again. I got detentions for talking out daily in elementary and middle school. I broke down crying multiple times in class as a 17 year old in HS, which is, you know, not normal. I never did my homework, failed multiple classes every year and did summer school, all while ranking in the 99th percentile in state testing.

And nobody said “this isn’t right. someone pay attention to this girl.”

instead most of my teacher’s and a lot of my friends’ parents labeled me a problem child and couldn’t wait for me to be gone.

and I’ve spent all this time thinking “well, I’m getting the help I need and deserve NOW! It’s time to move on! Don’t focus on how, if someone had paid attention, I may be attending a college with a full ride scholarship right now, maybe have my dream job already, wouldn’t have spent so long suffering and suicidal.”

But my therapist told me, not only was it okay for me to be angry that literally all of the adults in my life but my mom and friend’s mom failed me, but she was also angry FOR me. And that I was allowed to be angry at everyone who let young Molly Anne slip through crack after crack. And that being angry and accepting that I was failed would help me move on.

And it has.

You’re allowed to be pissed off about the bad things that happened to you as a kid. You’re allowed to ask life “hey, what the fuck?” It’s part of healing.

When I got my brain tumour I sought therapy and unfortunately she wasn’t very good.

And I was pissed. Where was my therapist who understood brain tumours? Where was my social worker helping me file for disability since I couldn’t work? Where were the group’s helping me figure out being disabled and getting accommodations? Where was my help? I asked her these questions and she didn’t have an answer. I told her I spent all my school years falling through the cracks in the system, why was it happening again? Why am I the only person preventing it from happening?

She told me I shouldn’t focus on my angry but in what I can do about the situation. But I had been working on the situation and I shouldn’t have been the only one.

You’re allowed to be angry when it happened in the past and you’re allowed to be angry if it’s happening now. You shouldn’t be responsible for making sure you don’t fall through the cracks.

thearcalian:

deanpleasepassthegravy:

forestbeneathme:

keepmywhiskeyneat:

wyvernchild:

lavender-ice:

please.

That is the exact spot my parents found a stray kitten. Nice little addition to the family, but would have been a terrible addition to the pavement had she not been very vocal OTL

No joke, the place where that cat is resting in this picture is called a “dead cat hole” it’s an automotive term.  Don’t believe me, look it up.

This is also where I found a stray cat, she was up in there during a thunderstorm and I begged my dad to let me being her inside and that’s the story of how I got my first cat.

Please don’t skip over this without reading it and making a mental note. Even if you don’t have a car, tell your parents or whoever, and make sure to do this. You think that’ll never happen but that’s what everyone thought who had this happen and didn’t check, and that poor cold cat met with a terribly sad end.

@mostlycatsmostly

Source: under-dark-stars