they got mad
Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. At his father’s funeral, Billie cried, ran home and locked himself in his room. When his mother got home and knocked on the door to Billie’s room, Billie simply said, “Wake me up when September ends.”
So I’d be angry too if people kept this shit up every single year.
i am going to reblog this until i die
…oh
Seriously its just not funny and I wish people would stop
I reblog this every fucking year. Leave them alone.
Tag: respect
Wheelchairs aren’t furniture.
• Don’t move them unless the wheelchair user in question says you can. Even if we’re not in them at the time! Shout-out to the nurse who, during my last hospital trip, tried to put my wheelchair in the nurse’s station, thus effectively stopping me from going TO THE TOILET without asking someone. And, of course, various shout-outs to people who thought *I* was furniture and moved my chair while I was in it.
• Don’t lean on them unless you have permission from the wheelchair user in question. Again, they aren’t FURNITURE. They’re part of us. Lean on stuff that’s stuff, not stuff that’s people.
• If you walk into someone’s wheelchair, while someone is in that wheelchair, you’re walking into a person. You’re jolting us, shaking us, and potentially causing us pain (I have chronic conditions, and YOU ARE HURTING ME). Do what you do anytime you walk into someone, and apologise. It doesn’t need to be any more than, “Oop, sorry,” it doesn’t have to be a big thing (please don’t make it a big thing) but ACKNOWLEDGE US jesus christ this is so alienating. I get walked into all the time and excepting my loved ones I can’t even remember the last time I got an apology.
Wheelchairs are not furniture. They’re assistive devices. They are, for all intents and purposes, part of us and it is frankly incredibly rude not to treat them as such.
But make sure you define “backtalk” reasonably. Don’t discipline it out of someone to be loud about what they prefer or dislike, even if they are raucous and you are quiet.
I’ve never understood this “talking back” thing. (I speak Russian with my parents so this isn’t a phrase I’ve seen used in real life, I’ve only seen it in books and gotten confused… like, you’re not supposed to respond to your parents when you disagree with them?? what??)
Can someone explain this please?
As I understand it, it means responding to someone’s reasonable demand by saying something bratty or surly.
So, like
“If you want to live in this house, you have to keep your living space clean. We’re starting to have vermin problems.”
“Fuck you and your stupid rules, man!”
But authoritarian types use it to mean any defiance of an order, which I think is bad.
As someone who got in a lot of trouble for talking back as a kid, it includes things like “asking questions judged to be unnecessary”, “making rude comments or complaining”, “verbally refusing a direct or indirect order”, or even “politely correct an adult about factual matters.”
I actually thought this was some kind of conservative parenting meme at first because of the use of the word backtalk.
I’m not sure what I think would be a good, healthy parenting approach to “backtalk” because I’ve seen permissively raised children being outright verbally abusive to their parents or telling them off in ways that would count as incitement if between adults. It’s also just not the way that you want your kids to behave in general, or be in the habit of behaving in their closest relationships.
There’s definitely such a thing as being too permissive, but I have mostly seen parents punishing children for not following orders with an appearance of a “good attitude” and performance of happiness, not just demanding compliance in action, but in emotion.
“I’m not sure what I think would be a good, healthy parenting approach to “backtalk” because I’ve seen permissively raised children being outright verbally abusive to their parents or telling them off in ways that would count as incitement if between adults.”
Yes, this. This is why I’m uncomfortable with the idea that backtalk is never a thing.
Some people actually do behave badly toward authority figures, either to test them or to express “I don’t respect you.” Think of like, the stories where a young, perky, well meaning Nice White Lady goes to a poverty-stricken school and the kids humiliate her as a way of showing “we don’t trust you.”
I do think intentionally bad behavior is a thing and is a thing that some people do. (G1 Starscream, anyone?) But I think it usually happens for a reason that’s more complicated than just someone being mean.
Usually it has to do with the kid not being listened to or not being respected. “If you don’t respect me, I won’t respect you.”
Please please please
I saw a post about “Please stop hitting on women while they’re at work” and I 100% agree with it, which is why I’m making a separate post to say please don’t hit on people in general when they’re at work.
I work at a bakery and we have this sweet 16 about to turn 17 year old boy who works up front of our store. He used to work at the place next door to us and, while he was there, a girl he was working with developed a bit of a crush on him and asked him out.
He said no, that he has a girlfriend (which she already knew) and thought they could just continue on being friends and coworkers.
Since beginning work at our bakery she stops in every single day and talks to him for the entirety of her 30 minute long break. He has told her multiple times that he’s at work and can’t stand around and talk and when I asked him if he was uncomfortable his response was a very relieved “Oh, God, yes.”
He’s tried to talk to one of the owners about it and his response was “You can talk to her after work” not realizing this poor boy is being made incredibly uncomfortable on a daily basis in the work place.
When we told him he could come into the back to find something to do if he needed to he was so incredibly thankful and relieved. This girl spent twenty minutes standing up front waiting for him to come back after he said he had to go do something. Twenty minutes in the front of the store ever after being told he can’t talk to her. He doesn’t know what would happen if he says that he doesn’t want to talk to her and is genuinely nervous every time she walks in.
The only reprieve he gets is from the bakers in the back saying “I get it. Come back here” because the Owners don’t understand that he, a male coworker, can be made uncomfortable by these unwanted advancements being made toward him.
Please.
This post isn’t made to undersell not hitting on women while they’re at work. I get that and that’s why this separate post exists.
Please.
Don’t hit on people when they’re at work.
Don’t hit on people when they can’t tell you no.
DON’T HIT ON PEOPLE WHEN THEY CAN’T TELL YOU NO.
A good rule of thumb i heard on MBMBaM: “Don’t ask anybody out if they can’t immediately turn around and run away if they need to”
‘Kids are gross’: on feminists and agency
this is a good read
“For my friends without children (which is most of my friends), parenting is very ‘other’ as an idea and an experience, and Oscar can consequently become a phenomenon to observe and comment on and laugh at, rather than an individual person with feelings. Many of the discussions I have about parenting with other young people, especially with other women, are about the role of motherhood and the ways it disadvantages me in terms of my career, my studies, my social life. These are important discussions. But while obviously intrinsically connected to the fact that I am a mother, my child is a separate person in his own right and not simply a by-product of my motherhood.
“
This is a VERY good read
I love how performative wokeness on the internet has taken the concept of cultural appropriation from being about exploiting, harming, and/or misrepresenting societies, and bastardized it into this white nationalist style bullshit about “culture is about tradition and heritage and family n and is never ever ever ever to be shared or mixed in any way, even respectfully, because mixing muddies and destroys pristine cultures, which are only truly authentic if they are quarantined away from any outside influence or people.” Seriously, Richard Spencer himself has said that he likes this shit, because it’s “racial consciousnesses" for sjw cucks. Also, this bastardization of the concept does fuck all to actually, you know, help communities who are affected by actual appropriation.
But hey, as long as you win that sweet sweet #woke cred for screeching up and down on Twitter and Tumblr because some teenager wore a yukata that their host family in Japan gave them as a gift, or getting into slapfights about whether or not flower crowns are cultural appropriation (and if so, then from which culture!?) then it’s totally worth it!
“Seriously, Richard Spencer himself has said that he likes this shit, because it’s “racial consciousnesses” for sjw cucks.“
I will reblog this every fucking time I see it on my dash.
Seriously, guys, it’s disrespectful to refuse to participate in someone else’s cultural activities due to fear that some other person who isn’t a member of their culture is going to come along and yell about appropriation.
Yes, you can wear that yukata or sari that your friend gave you or urged you to buy, at appropriate times, and yes you can take selfies if photos are not forbidden at the event. No, you do not have to show up to events in
jeansinappropriate western clothing just to avoid offending a complete stranger on the internet who isn’t part of the culture you’re visiting.Yes, you can buy jewelry and accessories made by individuals in their traditional styles that they make and sell in order to support themselves and their communities. And you can talk them up to your friends, too. People literally need to make a living, and this is way better than corporations stealing their designs and works for mass cheap production. Members of the community generally won’t sell you anything that’s truly sacred and not meant for outsiders.
Yes, you can learn the theater, dance, and other arts of a culture if you are invited to do so. Refusing a personal invitation is rude. Yes, the person inviting you knows you have no idea what you’re doing. (A school program is an invitation, by virtue of it being offered.)
Yes, you can accept thank you gifts that are from the culture of the giver and display them to show your appreciation. To expect thank you gifts to be limited to your own cultural heritage is inappropriate. Depending on the culture, hiding gifts away in a box may be rude as well.
Yes, you can learn languages. Please do.
Yes, you can eat food that is served to you, and if someone offers to teach you to cook it, you can learn that.
Yes, you can watch movies or tv, listen to music, and generally enjoy the arts that a culture has developed, while recognizing that this doesn’t make you an expert on that culture.
Be respectful, be polite, be humble. You’re not an authority because you did something once or watched some tv, so don’t claim that. But also don’t let people shame you for being curious about the world and accepting and open to the people in it.
There is a world of difference between “Yes, I will happily join you in this, since you offered” and “This is mine now.”
The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.
(Some. Some people will get upset because they did not know your boundary was there and they thought they were being good and they were actually violating your boundaries the whole time and they didn’t know and they are sad. And hurting someone you care about is upsetting. )
The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.
Here’s What Not to Say to Someone With Cancer
Every time I see a kid wearing ear defenders, I wonder whether that kid has the ability to consent to other people knowing that they’re autistic.
Like, you see a kid wearing ear defenders, you know that they’re autistic.
I, a complete stranger, now know this personal piece of information about that kid.
But did that kid have the ability to consent to whether or not I knew that information?
Like, ear defenders are a good strategy to stop kids from having meltdowns.
So are noise cancelling headphones.
So is not going to the shops when it’s busy.
Like, I’m not talking about kids wearing them to the park, I mean seeing kids being dragged around busy department stores on a Saturday morning.
The kid’s not there because they want to be, they’re there because the parents wanted to go to John Lewis instead of Amazon.
Was the kid given an option? Besides “ear defenders or meltdown and get shouted at for not wearing the ear defenders”, I mean?
And like, yeah, sure, kids shouldn’t be told to hide their autism and they shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of it, but it’s still personal information. It should still be their choice whether or not I – a stranger on the street – know that about them.
Idk, I’ve been seeing it more and more often when I go shopping on the weekends and I can’t help but wonder…
Shopping is kinda a necessity. And not all parents have the ability to find/afford someone who can watch their kid while they go shopping. While parents should aim for a time where shops are not busy, again, it’s not always possible. Shops are busy because Saturday/Sunday is a time where many ppl do not have to go to work.
I also think that while you and I would know that the kid was probably autistic, this is because we are autistic. Kid could also have SPD, or just be sensitive to noise. Unless the stranger was familiar with autism, I’m not sure they would know for sure. And the only way to completely hide a child’s disability would be not to take them out imho. As long as the child isn’t uncomfortable, and the parents reasonable (not some ungodly long shopping trip/takes breaks/knows when to stop), I’m not sure why it would be bad. Especially if parents try to make the trip enjoyable.
I agree autonomy is totally important, so forcing your kid to go out unnecessarily. esp when it’s causing pain is a no-go.
I guess my main problem is “why not headphones”?
And I must stress, I mostly see this in very obviously middle class families and I live in a big city with access to any number of cheap “we’ll deliver whatever you want to your house for you” services.
I live right on the edge of town and am broke and I can still get pretty much anything I want delivered to my house within 24 hours. Like, it’s literally cheaper than the bus fare to get into town and I can’t afford a car. Shopping, in this city, really isn’t a necessity unless you want some really boutique stuff.
When looking at those really middle class parents, I can practically hear “Oh well, we don’t want little Montague listening to music when we’re out because we don’t want him to have any electronics that might rot his brain, like an mp3 player or mobile phone. He’s going to be exposed to nothing but paper books and The Outdoors.”
Like, we can talk about expense all we like, but autism is mostly* diagnosed in middle class kids with the “I only feed my child organic” yummy mummys who think giving kids electronics is EEEVIIIIILLL.
So, yeah, I realise “John Lewis” is a local reference, but put it this way, I have never bought anything from there in my life because the price tags give me headaches, so when I see a mother with a “can I speak to the manager” haircut dragging around a kid with ear defenders on through there, it doesn’t exactly paint a picture of “poor woman didn’t have another option”.
*I do mean “mostly”, not “all the time” and again, it’s the middle class parents I’m seeing this with
(Where “middle class” in British terms would correspond to “upper middle class” some other places. Which might be obvious from some of the rest of the description, but yeah.)
As came up in a reply too, with this particular example I’m not sure that very many members of the general public would have the knowledge to associate a kid wearing ear protectors with autism. Unless they were autistic too, or close to someone who is. Possibly more likely to assume it is just some type of wireless headphones, otherwise.
Given how easy it is to avoid trips to places like John Lewis, as you say, I am even more concerned about the levels of consideration for the child’s needs, getting dragged around shops while obviously uncomfortable for the parents’ convenience. Headphones or ear protectors aren’t likely to make the whole experience entirely non-stressful. Even if that’s enough to prevent full-on meltdowns in the store, that doesn’t mean the child isn’t still stressed.
That was one thing my family got mostly right, way back when, without knowing exactly what was behind the problem. At least before I got old enough to be expected to have learned better, they tried to keep shopping trips with The Meltdown Kid along necessary and to the point. Everybody was happier that way. That was also mostly doable (for working class people) even before it was nearly as easy to get so many things delivered at little or no extra cost.
If they had known to try noise reducing aids, and were maybe operating under the impression that this totally solves the problem? (I.e., usually prevents total meltdown behavior as the main perceived issue.) Who knows.
That said, while I’m not sure if in this particular example, people would see ear protectors and immediately think autism? This does raise some interesting points around children and privacy.
I mean, I grew up with very little reasonable expectation of having any say whatsoever over who was given access to what information, especially where health/disability issues were concerned. No matter how heavily stigmatized the thing might be, that did not get treated as my own personal info that I should have any say over whatsoever. (And still probably wouldn’t, after too many years as an adult.)
This is a way more common approach to respect for privacy than it should be. Especially where children and/or disability and medical stuff are concerned–even before they’re combined. It’s really not good.
So, I am usually even more inclined to err on the side of assuming a very limited need to know, dealing with another person’s privacy. And I can understand why this scenario might not sit totally right, from that standpoint. Complicated.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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