A conversation on the fluidity of terms, and how to understand and have a productive conversation with a shifting generational gap in trans terminology.
The easiest way to deal with this is the same as the easiest way to approach all the newer labels and identities:
Part of the problem is the pervasive stigma against asexuality. It was only recognized as distinct from hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published in 2013. Comprehensive education during medical training is needed to combat the stigma and ensure that health care providers have the knowledge, skills and attitudes to properly care for asexual patients.
I’m 25 years old with a doctorate and work in the medical profession. My PCP still tries to force me to get the HPV vaccine and makes comments about how I still “have time to find someone and have kids”. THIS is why we don’t trust doctors. It’s not even an issue of sexual orientation, it’s an overall issue of doctors listening to the patient.
Please don’t suddenly push someone’s wheelchair without their permission. It’s extremely rude and most of us hate it.
Someone in a wheelchair pushing themselves up a slope? Want to be of assistance? Ask if they would like help. Don’t just run up and start pushing. It’s the equivalent of you seeing someone limping up a hill and deciding to suddenly carry them to get them to the top.
Someone in a wheelchair blocking your path? Need to get by? Ask them to move. Do not reach out and push the chair aside. It’s the equivalent of you shoving someone out of the way instead of just saying “excuse me”.
We understand that you have good intentions and just want to help. But having a wheelchair suddenly moved, pushed, grabbed, or touched can feel violating, very uncomfortable, and even frightening. It can also feel like you’re ripping our control away, as there is very little we can do to stop you from pushing us. Unless we pull the hand brakes, which may potentially send us flying out of the chair.
Even for those few who are okay with being randomly moved, you pushing the chair without warning while they’re wheeling themselves can cause their fingers to get caught or crushed in the wheels. It can be pretty painful, trust me.
Unless it is a life or death situation, or you have prior consent to always push that person, please ask for permission before touching or pushing someone’s wheelchair. You wouldn’t like being grabbed or picked up without permission by a total stranger, either.
Just a head’s up, when meat eaters say things like “I’m glad you’re not like most vegans you’re cool about it” what they really mean is “I’m glad you’re silent about animal cruelty so I can eat animals without having to think about it.”
No actually what they likely mean is “I’m glad you’re not like PETA and compare women’s bodies to beef and pork” or “I’m glad you’re not the type of asshole who blames poor people for not being able to afford healthy vegan foods instead of getting upset at the grocery chains who throw out tons and tons of perfectly good produce”
see also: “im glad youre not one of those vegans who compares the meat industry to the holocaust”. anti-semetic, sexist, racist, and classist rhetoric is unfortunately quite common among vegans and it’s disingenuous as hell to act like having an issue with that is silencing vegans.
Also “I’m glad you aren’t one of those vegans who thinks I should put my health on the line”
“I’m glad you don’t harass me over my life choices because you’re a decent fucking human being who realizes that throwing humans under the bus so you can have an ego trip is a shitty thing to do”
Also: I’m glad you’re not one of those vegans who lies about what’s in food they’re feeding me when I ask about my allergens so that I don’t have to risk literally dying
“i’m glad you’re not literally blaming global climate change on me, personally, for liking cheese while corporations dump pollution directly into the ozone by the ton because it saves them a few dollars”
“i’m glad you’re not getting on a moral high horse about animal cruelty while ignoring the human rights abuses that go into farming your vegan faves like quinoa”
Humans had enough trouble seeing other humans as human. We are not even remotely smart enough to know how smart animals are. We would have a huge existential crisis if we realised other creatures are as sentient and aware as we are.
Its also important to recognise that this is not just human ignorance, we all have a vested interest in pretending animal intelligence cannot ever compare to ours. How intelligent an animal is when compared to humans shouldn’t even matter, but it turns out it is much easier to exploit and kill animals if we pretend they are mindless automaton.
This is all true, and important, BUT animals deserve bodily autonomy regardless of their intelligence. Intelligence is not a marker of worth. To suggest otherwise is ableist.
You don’t have to understand asexuality or aromanticism (or bisexuality, pansexuality, being trans, noninary etc.) Just acknowledge it, respect it, and move on. These are real live human people we’re talking about here, just be nice.
if you see someone being interrupted in a conversation, acknowledge them, don’t let them be pushed to the side. if you see someone lagging behind, walk beside them. if someone is being ignored, take the step to include them. always remind people of their worth. it hurts when it feels like you’re being forgotten. that small gesture can mean a lot.
all adults have a responsibility toward the safety+well-being of all children they’re around, irl and online. i can’t believe this #hot take is controversial like. at all
When I go to conventions, my eyes are always open for kids who may have wandered off, because in that environment it’s real easy for parents to lose track.
And if a child wants to involve me in their play, then I will join in. In a manner that’s appropriate. I had a young boy ask to borrow my sonic screwdriver prop at a con. He promptly used it to pretend to kill a Dalek (I don’t know how the operator was not laughing out loud) and then handed it back. I could have been a mean adult and not trusted him.
And if you cosplay, you have a special responsibility to kids who recognize you, especially if you choose a child oriented character such as a Disney princess, a gem from Steven Universe…even a popular superhero. Or if the kid mistakes your Daenerys for Elsa (which has apparently happened to more than one cosplayer).
When you are around children you become part of the village raising that child.
If you see a child alone, look for their parents. If you see a child upset, find their parents.
Let them include you in their play.
Let them be kids. You don’t have to “like” kids or want kids, but do you really want to be written into that kid’s next imaginative play as the Grinch?
Because why should children ever have to learn boundaries or that they arent entitled to a person’s attention because of how they’re dressed? If you want to play with random kids, you go right ahead. But no one owes anyone their time and attention merely because it is demanded, no matter their age. Some people just want to go about their day in peace and they should absolutely get to. Learn to respect this. Dont be judgemental about people simply not being interested in acting like free public babysitters, just minding their own business and not bothering anyone.
As for safety issues or lost children, it’s best reported to security or police to handle. It’s their job and they no doubt have protocol for just such a situation. Seriously. This is what any expert will tell you, too. Dont take the child anywhere, call for help and let the people best equipped handle it.
And parents, parenting is a verb. Do it. Take responsibility for your own children. If you actually care about your kids, act like it.
1. I never said to take the child anywhere. I said to look for the parents. If they aren’t close, then yes, look for security. I don’t call the cops for anything but traffic issues these days. If the kid’s black in America for the love of whatever you call sacred don’t call the cops.
2. No, you don’t have to play with kids, but if you’re dressed as their favorite superhero and are nasty to them? That could put that kid off something they love. It’s not free babysitting, it’s giving that kid a *moment* with something they care about. But then, I’m talking about cosplay specifically, which is generally something people do FOR the attention.
If you want to be left alone, fine. I’m talking more about people who are fine getting attention from adults but react badly to kids like kids aren’t people.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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