Tag: respect

calleo:

mintedpotters:

karzougtheclaimer:

thepunksink:

thatvegancosplayer:

ruffleshaveridges:

I fucking hate how the lives of small pets are totally devalued. Like, it’s a totally normal thing for someone to talk about how their fish keep dying or how they dropped their hamster and it’s played off as “Haha silly me,” as if you didn’t just snuff out the life of an intelligent being you promised to take care of. If someone leaves a dog in a hot car, though, they’re publicly shamed all over the news and may even face actual charges.

Make small pet abuse socially unacceptable 2k17.

This this this this this THIS THIIIIIIISSSS

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And reptiles too please.
I’ve endured too many dead snake and lizard stories it’s horrible……

Seriously. Pets are lifetime commitments, not just some funny little anecdote. When my bird died, the entire family was devastated, because he was important to us. Laughing about how you mistreat or neglect your small pets is a shitty thing to do. Treat your animals with some fucking respect. Their lives are LITERALLY in your hands.

Bonus addition: Having to listen to people ask why you’re “wasting money on an animal that cost under $20?” or something similarly shitty.

Years ago, when we still had budgies, one of ours developed an RI so we took her to the vet (obviously) and had around a $90 bill for the exam, tests, and meds and my mom’s reaction when I mentioned it was, “It’s cheaper just to snap its neck, why did you waste money on an animal you got for free?”

One time somebody felt the need to tell me that instead of taking a sick hamster to the vet, I should have just flushed it down the toilet.

I don’t trust people like this around kids, much less any kind of other animals.

I was just reminded again of one example by a reblog, after thinking of it with one incidental line in another post the other day.

(It’s not common, the only time I’ve personally ever heard of it happening is with eye drops where one woman found the branded ones stung when she put them in, but the generic didn’t. That’s individual.)

Anyway, speaking of people often having very different needs and experiences, even when they’re dealing with very similar problems.

Mt mom and I both had pretty bad allergies. It kinda runs in the family. And particularly when certain types of pollen are in season, that often involves eye bullshit.

She was a big fan of OTC eyedrops for that, and felt like they helped a lot. To the point of trying to push them on me too whenever she needed to use them.

Nor only did I not find them helpful for allergy irritation, the type she liked (I don’t even remember the brand now) also stung my eyes like a sonofabitch.

She was apparently not sensitive to whatever was in there herself, so it was all “Stop being ridiculous! Look at your eyes! You need drops!” (More than once, cue her trying to put them in my eyes against my will, over further protest. After I was way too old for that to be remotely appropriate behavior.)

Sure, extra stinging and burning on top of the original problem will make everything better 😬

Not to mention that if you are already sensitized to some ingredient, further exposure is liable to cause worse reactions. When we’re talking about everyone involved being allergic to quite the variety of stuff, to begin with.

But yeah, she evidently didn’t think about any of that. Whatever works for her must work for other people. And it’s liable to be taken as criticism of what she’s doing if someone else says it’s not helpful/actively harmful to them.

That’s one way a lousy sense of boundaries and perspective taking dealing with other people can look. And there does seem to be a lot of that going around, to varying degrees.

musashi:

pokemonprofessor:

creechuur:

eglanteria:

The original post was actually pretty good and talked about how reliable of commissioners the furry community were for a struggling artist.

But aight lmao

for anyone who chose not to read the post:

  • artist needed money for college, people from tumblr/dA told them their prices were too expensive and that no one would commission them.
  • artist was desperate and logged on to their old Furaffinity account to take commissions
  • artist got a shitton of commissions and everyone was supportive and encouraging
  • people ended up tipping the artist 10-20$ per commission because they thought the artist was undercharging

tl;dr – furries supported artist and treated them better than the “pro-artist” sides of dA and tumblr.

so when’s cringe culture gonna wake up and realize that this weird baseless hatred of furries is largely rooted in the fact that it’s a community of 95% openly queer & sex-positive folk…

butterflyinthewell:

Dear parents who post their autistic / disabled child’s embarrassing moments online…

I found all your most embarrassing diary pages from your teen angst days. 

I found all the embarrassing notes you wrote and never gave to your childhood crush. 

I found that humiliatingly awful fanfic you wrote in a notebook when you were 11. 

I found very unflattering photos of you playing naked beer pong in college.

I found a really gross video of you plucking your armpit hairs and checking your ass out in the mirror.

I also found someone’s cell phone recording of you wearing pissed-in pants while screaming and crying in your dorm room because you were too stoned to figure out how the toilet works.

I’m going to publish it all for the world to see without your consent.

Wait, what? You’re angry now? I’m treating you how you’re treating your autistic / disabled child when you share their meltdowns and toileting stuff on the internet. 

That’s how they will feel if they find all the stuff you posted about them.

Don’t use the excuse that they won’t understand or will never use a computer. You’re just layering on more ableism by assuming your child isn’t competent.

Stop embarrassing them online. They’re not pets, they’re tiny humans who will grow up into big humans and they don’t need their childhood days embarrassing them for the rest of their lives.

No, I don’t actually have anyone’s private stuff or n00dz to publish.

People’s invisible illnesses are not a joke

fromchaostocosmos:

vanemuine:

 My mother suffers from migraines that are often triggered by scent. This can range anywhere from cleaning products, scented garbage bags, cologne/perfume and so on. As such, she’s had to ask for accommodations in the facility she works. This has included wearing surgical masks, industrial respirators, and having a perfume/cologne free work environment.

Here’s the thing, since receiving the accommodations, my mother has gone to the hospital more than six times for perfume exposure. Why? Because her co-workers deliberately wear excess amounts of perfume or cologne to trigger her migraines because they believe their right to wear perfume outweighs her right to live. This is not an exaggeration, my mother’s doctors have repeatedly stated that any one of these incidents could actually kill her.

Oh, and let me be clear, these are deliberate incidents. These are documented grievances with witnesses. Witnesses who saw co-workers put on perfume before interacting with my mother or workers deliberately crossing in my mother’s work area despite not even working in the area. Workers who have admitted to exposing her on purpose.  Even worse, some of those who’ve exposed her are supervisors.

People don’t believe my mother when she says her migraines are triggered by scent. Because they can’t see it, they don’t think it can possibly be that bad. It has taken her literally being hauled off in ambulance for some people to understand the severity of her condition.

Illnesses or disabilities, whether visible or not, are not jokes. Don’t play with someone else’s health or well being. It’s fucked up.

I was diagnosed with Asthma when I was a baby and I have lived with all my life. Chronic Asthma for many people can be cyclical in nature at times where you have groupings of years where it takes almost nothing to trigger it and periods of time where it takes a lot more to trigger it.

When I was in 9th grade at the start of the school year my grade had a weekend retreat where we went to upstate New York and the place we were at during the summer is a sleep away camp for children with disabilities. So it as one building and the rooms are carpeted with two single beds and two bunk beds per room with a bathroom.

My father despite being a pediatrician and allergist claimed that I was not asthmatic and that my mother made it up, without going into much detail here he was wrong and was abusive to me and medical abuse was one of those methods.

I had been having wheezing problems for a bit, but when I got to the place we were staying it was exacerbated by the dust because it was clear the a deep cleaning of the building was only done before the camp opened in the summer. 

Over the course of my stay my breathing got worse and worse to a point on Saturday afternoon that I could barely breathe at all. My friends brought this to the attention of the teachers and finally Hatzalah was called. 

By this point I was very out of it, but two of my friends who were with me at this point told my that my face was grey and my lips were blue. 

When the Hatzalah crew listened to my breathing with the stethoscope they could not hear any wheezing. After some determination they called an EMT squad and was told to put me on oxygen tank. 

When the EMTs arrived they were shocked at the incompetence and my lack of proper care. I was immediately put on heavy duty medication and taken to the closest hospital. 

An alumni who was in nursing school and came to the weekend event came with me to the hospital. 

I was put in a bed and put on more medication. It was later explained to me by the doctors that I was very lucky because I could have died. What I was experiencing was called “Silent Chest” 

Determine whether the patient has a severe asthma exacerbation without wheezing (ie, the silent chest). Such patients may have such severe airway obstruction or be so fatigued that they are unable to generate enough airflow to wheeze. This is an ominous sign of impending respiratory failure.

Finally once Sabbath was over the alumni who came with me and I were picked up and brought back to the school event.

I was excused from the Motzei Shabbat (Sat night) activities that where planned. I was totally drained and wiped and took a shower and went to bed with an alarm set because I was prescribed an inhaler to use every 6 six hours that night and the next day. 

At one point later in the night around midnight I was in the hallway with other people who were up as I waited for the one of the six hour marks and I was talking with one my friends who was keeping me company, we were in the hallway so as to not wake other people in the room up, and she told me about all that I had missed since I was in the hospital.

I was told that many people believed that I had lied and done it for attention which honestly was very upsetting and I told her all about being told about “Silent Chest” and how about now my father finally admitted that I do have asthma when I spoke to him on the phone earlier because he found out I had landed up in the hospital. 

As we were talking a classmate came right up to me and sprayed some perfume right into my face knowing full well that could trigger my asthma because she thought I had been faking it all.

Chronic Asthma is an example of a Silent Illness and much of the time it is not taken seriously but those who do not suffer from it. Especially since it can have cycles of being very active and less reactive. 

Whether you think someone is faking or not does not matter. Don’t “test” people to see if they are faking because you severely harm a person. 

Also people do not need to disclose their entire medically history for your determination. 

Respect others and have consideration for their illnesses regardless of how visible said illness is to you.

clatterbane:

Oh my. Just reminded of an actually kind of funny thing that happened 5 or 6 years ago.

I got a call one day from a hair shop I hadn’t been to for a long time, because I had been letting my hair grow out for at least a year by that point. But, they called to inform me that I had missed an appointment that afternoon, and would I like to reschedule?

Somebody must have just made a mistake and grabbed an old appointment book. That’s the best I could figure.

But, my first thought there? Jfc, my mother has done it AGAIN. I had mentioned at some point that one stylist there had done a really good job with my hair, so this time she actually made a goddamned international call because she decided I needed something done with my hair. And didn’t even tell me about the appointment she made. It figures.

Wait a minute, she’s dead. Probably not, though I wouldn’t put it past her to figure out how to…

But yeah, that really was my immediate thought there.

While of course I could do anything I wanted to with my hair, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to hear about it incessantly if she didn’t like the cut. Not so much the color, for some odd reason, but the cut.

And she did indeed take it upon herself to schedule appointments for me without asking, besides bugging me to do it. Because my hair looked AWFUL.

The last time was when I was back home for months, and well into my 30s. I just didn’t go that time, and left her to explain it to them. You can maybe imagine how well that went over. I knew how it would go, and did it anyway.

But yeah, terrible boundaries.

At least I got a dark laugh out of that particular incident, though.

Reminded of this again, with one post that came across my dash.

There are about as many ways to act controlling and overly concerned about how other people’s appearances might reflect on you, as there are people. And the more covert ones aren’t necessarily much fun to deal with either.

Not too surprisingly, mine took pretty much the same approach to clothes. While I could wear anything I wanted, by golly would I keep getting nagged about it if she didn’t like the style or didn’t think it was “flattering” enough 😩

That pattern stood out even more after I moved out from under other daily influence there–and that crap went into overdrive whenever she saw me. It wasn’t nearly that intense when I was in my teens. Which made too much sense, in a rather sad way.

That same trip where (in my 30s) I just didn’t go to the hair appointment she made without consulting me, I finally said fuck it and gave myself a haircut. Partly because I was just that exasperated, and partly because I didn’t want to (a) face that hairdresser after the awkwardness or (b) try to find another one who wouldn’t butcher it. (Especially with curly hair. Might end up like Larry, Moe, AND Curly on different parts of my head from the same cut. Wouldn’t be the first time.)

Getting pushed into acting like a rebellious kid when you’re getting treated like one (more than when you were an actual kid) may have had something to do with it, too 🙄 I obviously cared a lot less what it looked like than she did, by that point. It’s my head.

Anyway, I didn’t expect that to shut her up. At all. But, I also didn’t expect the mental health concern trolling rant she went off on 😵 “Are you on drugs?! Well, it looks like you badly need to be on more!”–with variations for at least half an hour straight. She knew very well that she did not have the same power to sic mental health professionals on me anymore, and have them automatically side with her. Especially over something that plain ridiculous. (And, thankfully, so did I by then.)

But, she felt a need to threaten it at length. Over a haircut she didn’t like, when I was over 30. (!) And somehow expected me not to just go home and leave her to it. (That took a while longer, because they did still need help looking after my grandmother. But, that behavior did help the decision. Wasn’t really accomplishing much beyond getting driven crazy.)

Anyway, I guess I am still harboring some anger over that garbage. Besides its just seeming surreal.

But, I’m really glad to be living with somebody who doesn’t really care if I have any hair, much less what the details might be. There are also reasons I tend to err on the side of just not saying anything about people’s appearances, particularly unsolicited–and no matter who they are. That’s up to them. It’s really not my concern.

fierceawakening:

pansexualfaithlehane:

erenexe:

poedamerontrashcaneron:

intj-confessions:

auditorycheesecakes:

onyxjuniper:

frecklesandsky:

I just read this super sad post about this girl who’s asexual and married and everyone is basically telling her that she doesn’t deserve her husband/she’s just a prude/she should just do it anyway.
So I want to tell you all right now that if people tell you this, or if they tell you you’ll never have a relationship, it is BULLSHIT.
My husband is asexual and I’m not. He’s sex repulsed, we don’t have sex, we never have.
And it doesn’t matter to me. You know what does? He does. His mental health and wellbeing matter to me. Because he is my best friend and he’s one of the smartest, kindest, funniest people I’ve ever met. And he’s had people tel him that he’s broken and it makes me SO ANGRY because they are WRONG.
Being different doesnt mean you’re broken.
If you don’t like sex/don’t want it/etc. Do not let anyone tell you that you’re inferior because you’re not.
Do not let anyone convice you that you’ll never have a relationship because they’re wrong(if you want one).
You are not broken, and it will be okay.

This made me feel really good. Remember this, for all my ace spectrum friends out there

#it’s really reassuring to hear from the partner #the one who’s not ace #but is totally cool with having no sex #loves her husband anyway #is in a stable and happy relationship #it’s such a relief when you discover that asexuality is a thing #that you’re okay #but then you start to wonder if it means your only chance at not ending up alone is finding someone else who’s also ace #but no #turns out it’s not #that’s really good to hear #so #thanks #so ace #so space

I hope you don’t mind me reblogging your tags but these are my feelings EXACTLY

I’m always a little nervous that I’m not “good enough” for a “real relationship” because sex isn’t on the table. So yeah, these stories are reassuring

The amount of pressure from society to have sex is incredible. We’re told it’s linked to relationship health and if you’re not willing to do every damn thing you’re labeled a prude. It’s incredibly disheartening, especially considering how one’s libido can change over the years even if you’re not ace. Nice to see a supportive piece from a partner.

OK, kids, buckle up it’s story time.

When I got married, I hadn’t had sex yet.  Waiting until marriage was important to me, so that’s what I did.  My wedding night was the first time I had sex.

It sucked.

I figured, ok, this is new for both of us, it’s probably going to take some practice.

A year later?  It still sucked  We tried a lot of different stuff.  A lot  of different stuff. 

It sucked so bad, we even bought a copy of “Sex for Dummies”.

(it didn’t help)

I started working late so I didn’t go to bed at the same time as my husband.  Every time he would travel for work, I’d be grateful that I didn’t have to go through the awkwardness of avoiding his advances when I went to bed.

He didn’t think it was healthy for a newlywed couple to have sex less than once a week.  So we scheduled it.  Repeat, scheduled intimacy.  I thought I was putting on a brave face and doing what I needed to do to maintain a good relationship.

Because I had no idea that asexuality was a thing.

I talked to my husband, told him I didn’t like sex.  He didn’t understand.  I lost track of how many times I said: “It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you.  I don’t want to have sex with anyone.”

So it was established, Amber doesn’t like sex.

But we still did it.  Because I wanted my husband to be happy.  Sometimes halfway through, I’d start crying.

And he’d always be supportive, and apologize.

After he finished.

So when I found out about asexuality, and told him how I felt, he suggested I go to a doctor.  Because obviously there was something wrong with me.

So I went to a doctor.

(surprise, surprise, I’m perfectly healthy)

Then I told my mom.  When she suggested meds to improve my sex drive, I broke down in tears.  I told her there was nothing wrong with me.  And my mom has been 100% supportive of my orientation ever since.  When people ask if I’m a lesbian, she teaches them about asexuality.  

But anyway back to my journey of self-discovery

So I tell my husband, I’m asexual, I don’t want to have sex.  You are not asexual, you do want to have sex.  One of us is going to be miserable in this relationship, and I’m tired of it being me.  I love you too much to make you miserable for the rest of your life, but I love myself too much to be miserable for the rest of my life.  We might have to face the fact that we’re not right for each other.

So his immediate response is “no, I can change, I’ll do anything, divorce is not an option, etc”

But I can’t exactly ask him to stop wanting to have sex.  Because that’s not how allosexual people work.  And he can’t seduce me into wanting to have sex, because that’s not how asexual people work.

Anyway.  He cries, I cry, we decide on marriage counseling to help our comunication.

Because we’d been married for almost 6 years by this point, and had been together for 3 years before that, and we still can’t really talk about what we want (or don’t want) in regards to sex.

So we go to counselling for 6 weeks.  The first 3 sessions individually, and the last 3 together.  During the together sessions, the therapist would prompt us with a question, and we’d talk to each other, being completely honest about things.

During (what turned out to be) our last session, I’d finally had enough.  I’d had enough of being embarrassed about what anyone else would think.  Enough of the gender roles I was being forced into.  Enough of paying someone to watch me talk to my husband.  Enough of pretending to salvage a relationship that I had been increasingly avoiding over the past 2 years, and I said:

“Josh, I love you.  We have communication problems, but we’ve been together almost ten years and I’m willing to work through those if you think we can make it work.  But I am never having sex with you again.”

(At this point, the therapist who’d been trying to get us to communicate put down her notebook and said, ok I think we’re done.)

Then and only then, did he agree to file for divorce.

—————–

I say all that to say this:

Don’t you dare fucking tell me that asexual representation doesn’t matter.  I would have six years of my life back if I had known.

And if you’re in a relationship, talk to each other oh my God.  About everything.  What dream you had last night.  That song from scout camp that randomly gets stuck in your head.  The reason you don’t like sweet potato.  That embarrassing thing you did in third grade that still makes you mad when you think about it.  If you and your partner can share these tiny, intimate details, talking about sex is no big deal.  And it takes practice, so practice.

————–

On a happy note, now, 3 years after the divorce, I am in a happy, stable relationship with another ace.  And if you happen to ask my mom how I’m doing, she’ll tell you “I’ve never seen my baby girl happier.”

It gets better.  But it’s up to you to make it that way.

@theonetheonlyjordanelizabeth please read this ❤️ I may be sex repulsed but I know that I love you and thats what matters ✨

I know this is already really long and really informative, but I also wanted to add a partner’s perspective. I too, have an ace fiancee. I knew about it before our relationship. I didn’t know it was a thing until I met her, and that was huge to me because I learned something new and also came to understand an old friend a little better. 

I, on the other hand, am not ace. I am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I am pansexual, and she has a hard time I think coming to terms with the fact that I don’t want to make her have sex.

Like, ‘Really?’ you might ask me. Like really is my only reply. I have loved her for a long time now, and being we met over Tumblr and we knew one another before the relationship, sex isn’t a big deal in our relationship. and I can think of at least ten of my friends who would feel the same way right now. 

ASEXUALITY IS A REAL THING, LOVING, SWEET ACE RELATIONSHIPS ARE REAL! Just because your partner wants sex doesn’t make you broken. Just because you don’t want sex doesn’t mean you should have to force yourself to do so. 

Just be honest with one another, love one another. If a relationship can’t survive a healthy, honest conversation, then it wasn’t a very strong relationship to begin with. 

TL;DR People who can’t see past sex as a ‘core’ in a relationship with someone ace/sex repulsed is an asshole.

It is okay to need sex in a relationship. It is also okay to be sexual and not need sex in a relationship.

Mind your own relationships, not other people’s.

losethehours:

kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls:

zerohouronyavin4:

thememacat:

marauderice:

bogleech:

MOM OF THE YEAR. WHERE WAS THIS ATTITUDE WHEN I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL.

There’s a difference between not sharing and refusing to be bullied.

I lost count of the number of times I was forced to share my toys as a kid, only to have them disappear into the neighbours’ houses and never be seen again.

Not only the kids’ stuff, either. We loaned a neighbor a drill once and two weeks later, they moved.

Two sides. Yes, children should learn to share. Don’t hog all the pencils for example, if they’re classroom supplies and not personal supplies.

Yes, children are allowed to say no, especially when it’s their own stuff.

And yes, children are still allowed to say no when it’s their turn to use something, e.g. a toy in the classroom like blocks or a doll or a book. It’s a lesson in patience for the child that was told no. And a lesson of emotionally learning to deal with being told no.

I don’t believe in the whole “don’t tell children no” bull crap some of the newer teaching strategies insist upon. They won’t learn anything if they’re not told no now and then.

Two words are used in the first story. “Demanded”. “Required”. Once those two words are evident in a situation the situation is no longer about “Sharing”.

It’s about “Extortion”. How can I make you give me what is not mine to have?

The kids ran to tattle to his mother. Nasty little fuckers decided to add “Manipulation” to the mix.

You know what’s next? Name calling. The kid will get a reputation as being “Selfish”. Always watch out for that word.

Calling another person “Selfish” means “They will not give me their stuff when I demanded and required it be handed over so now I am going to slander their name.”

Can you tell I have no tolerance for this shit at all?

Good.

Source: bogleech