Tag: respect

floattoowithwolfstar:

xx-thedarklord-xx:

starrypawz:

optometrictzedek:

fuchsimeon:

marina-pepsi:

attentiondeficitstarscream:

ithelpstodream:

don’t do this, this is fucked up

not to mention someone who’s on a primarily vegan or vegetarian diet and has been that way for a long time has a body unused to eating meat, especially red meat like beef. if your body isn’t used to red meat it can do a SERIOUS NUMBER to your digestive system. it is not fun, it’s hurtful and painful, it can make them REALLY sick even if they aren’t vegan or vegetarian for allergy-related reasons.

don’t do this. do not feed people food without them knowing 100% of what’s in it. it’s uncool and you are a complete and total asshole if you do.

Ain’t even a vegan but this is fucked up

I have heard of people sneaking pork into tje dishes of muslims or jews do NOT feed people food they do not want to eat for whatever reason. Even if you don’t harm their body you might cause a serious psychological issue! You are literally harming someone’s body autonomy it doesn’t matter if you think vegans are annoying or whatever. Don’t fucking do this.

I have been a pescetarian since I was 10 years old. I’m now 27. When I was in college about 5 years ago, I decided I could eat pizza that had pepperoni on it if I removed the pepperoni (Dominos screwed up our order, we were supposed to get 1 plain pizza I could eat but they gave us 2 pepperoni instead and me being the socially anxious person I am, I didn’t wanna make a fuss about it).

I got so sick. SO SICK. So much for not making a fuss, my friends almost took me to the hospital, I had to convince them not to. Just from the oils of the pepperoni seeping into the pizza. I didn’t even eat the meat itself, but I learned that day that cross contamination is a bitch. And I still eat fish, unlike a vegan, just not red meat or poultry/fowl. I knew already that I had bad reactions to meat by that point in time, like from the time the Chinese restaurant gave me an egg roll instead of a spring roll by mistake and after only 2 bites I realized the issue and I still got ridiculously sick (from 2 bites of an egg roll containing pork), but I didn’t think I’d get sick from pizza that had no meat on it at all. And yet I did.

So imagine if someone gave me a real hamburger. One bite would be enough to create hours of agony for me. Now imagine if someone gave a long-time vegan, who does not eat fish, a hamburger. And that vegan ate the whole hamburger.

Vegan culture pisses me the fuck off too but holy shit that can literally put someone in the hospital you sick motherfuckers.

Honestly this. Like leave people’s food alone? You don’t know why someone doesn’t want to eat something and you don’t need to know that just respect people’s food wishes. 

Oh hell no. In four months I will have been a vegetarian for a full decade. 10 years. If someone was to give me meat, I would notice, but that’s beside the point, it would make me so unbelievably sick. 

Restaurants aren’t the best with cross contamination or even cooking on the same grill with meat, and when they do that, I still get sick. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. 

But those were accidents on their part. To have someone do it on purpose? Fuck that. I would lose my mind. 

It shouldn’t even be about coming up with a reason why someone can’t eat meat like religious or health reasons. The person doesn’t want to eat that? Don’t fucking trick them into eating it. It’s not up to you to decide what someone else should eat.

Source: ithelpstodream

Boundaries, Part Whatever

jimhines:

You have the right to say no.

If you’re on the receiving end of that “No”? You don’t have to be happy about it. You can feel hurt or angry or whatever. But you still have to accept it.

You have the right to say no, even if you said yes in the past. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to decide that today you want to set this boundary, regardless of whether you set it yesterday or not.

You have the right to set rules and boundaries in your own space. You decide who can and can’t be in your home. You decide who can call you, text you, talk to you online, and so on. You have the right to tell someone to leave you the hell alone, and to block their ass if they can’t respect that.

If someone tells you to stop talking to them? Stop talking to them! Don’t argue. Don’t whine about how it’s unfair. Don’t keep coming back to explain yourself, or to try to get the last word. Grow the hell up and get on with your life.

To put it as simply and clearly as I can, you don’t have a right to another person.

Continued at http://www.jimchines.com/2018/05/boundaries-part-whatever/

jenniferrpovey:

cacopheny:

jenniferrpovey:

vampireapologist:

so i saw a discussion about feeling empathy toward children where an adult was explaining that they were worried something might be wrong with them bc they couldn’t feel empathy toward children and ultimately always sees them as “little adults” and didn’t want to comfort and nurture or protect them because all they saw was “someone who’d be an adult one day.”

and everyone went on reassuring them that nothing was wrong with them, they just weren’t a naturally parental person, which is fair and true!

but I didn’t see anybody making what I feel is the most important point, which is:

regardless, you still have to pretend empathy for the child.

No, you don’t have to have your own child, you don’t have to go out of your way to interact with children, and nothing is “wrong” with you if you largely find children annoying. you can tell your adult friends “I don’t have any patience for kids and prefer to not be around them,”

but if you view children as “little adults,” you HAVE to then logically say “but they’re not. they’re children, and I’M the ACTUAL adult, and it’s MY responsibility to treat them well and be nice when I’m around them.”

and I don’t want to see any comments like “must be nice to be neurotypical” on this, because I’m not, and there’s no mental illness that makes it okay to treat others badly, sorry. You have to be nice to children.

It’s just literally human decency. It’s one of the most simple rules of our species. Just be good to children.

I have no desire to raise a child. None.

But if a child asks to borrow my sonic screwdriver at a con so they can pretend to kill the life-size Dalek with it? They get to borrow it.

If a child wants to pretend to be the Dalek and exterminate me, I’ll gladly fall down and play dead for them.

Children live in a different world, and even if you struggle to see that, you can simply do what we all do sometimes: Play pretend.

And no, I’m not neurotypical either, and I do struggle to “like” kids. I find them very hard to deal with, esp. if their NT parents are around. But you know what? If you let them be kids, they are actually fun for a bit and when they aren’t yours you can always give them back ;).

and also, I don’t see how seeing kids as little adults means you can’t have empathy for them O.o like why is that a problem. empathy should be had for everyone, regardless of age…?

and I don’t like kids, either

I think when they say it in a negative sense, they mean not making allowances for the way children see the world differently.

fthgurdy:

glumshoe:

tezzington:

glumshoe:

I always enjoyed working with autistic campers ‘cause many of them had genuine questions about rules and wanted full explanations for why it’s not appropriate to say or do certain things at camp, and I was happy to answer. Even if it meant sitting in the dirt for an hour finding different ways to explain why certain words are considered bad or rude.

I don’t think you can assume that children will understand why something is offensive unless you are prepared to give them genuine reasons. It was so frustrating to watch my coworkers offer “because” or “that’s just the way it is” as explanations for rules when the child clearly did not ‘get it’ and was not old or experienced enough to figure it out. You can say that breaking a rule is bad, but unless you show what its greater purpose is, how can you expect a child to respect it?

Agreed up to the last point. I desperately wanted answers – but even when given the “Just Because” explanation I still respected the rules; the same goes for my siblings and friends. A kid doesn’t need a reason to be a good person.

“A kid doesn’t need a reason to be a good person.” I think a kid needs to understand why something is considered good and why something else is considered bad. Example: we do not throw things in public. Some children have already figured out that throwing things is not allowed because it could easily hurt someone, or damage something that people care about. Most people think that “hurting people is bad” is self-evident, but is it really? Kids are still figuring out where they end and the rest of the world begins, and sometimes you really do need to explain to them reasons why they should be considerate of other people’s feelings. 

You don’t necessarily need a reason to be obedient, but I think “goodness” is learned and then put into practice through reasoning and experience. Obedience is convenient for adults, but I think it’s important that we give children more explanation for it if we want them to grow.

When kids in my classes say something that’s not okay to say, they usually know it’s bad. What I often discover is that they don’t know WHY. 

And there is a wide array of inappropriate behaviours. Saying ‘fuck’ is not appropriate, but it’s not the same thing as calling someone a retard. Calling another kid a shithead is not the same thing as calling them a faggot- both are inappropriate, but you gotta explain things a bit instead of just throwing all of these behaviours into the big bag of Things Adults Don’t Like.

A kid says ‘fuck’- I tell them, look, I know you know this word, I know adults use this word, I know everyone uses this word, but we’re in class in a cultural centre and this kind of language is not pleasant, and it’s actually not allowed. That’s why I don’t use it either, even though I sometimes do in other situations. You go ahead and say that at home if your parents don’t mind, but not here.

A kid says ‘you’re retarded’- I ask them what they meant, and when they inevitably shrink back from the answer- because they KNOW it’s wrong!- I start talking to them and everyone else about mentally disabled people, about different types of brains, I ask them if they know anyone like that, if they’ve seen anyone like that. I tell them about the ones I know. And I explain that the word hurts, how it hurts, why people use it to hurt, why they caused harm without meaning to. Finally I tell them the word is not allowed here, and they now know exactly why.

Kids like to push boundaries because it’s part of growing up, and some of the boundaries adults set are completely arbitrary and inconsistent. It’s important to explain things.

And adults are not always right. Their rules are not always fair or safe- asking ‘why’ is good for survival.

To latch on ‘throwing things in public’ I constantly have to deal with this and kids respond much better to ‘don’t throw plasticine, please, you are wasting it, it costs money, it makes everything dirty, and you might damage something in this room, like the tv for example, and then you will have to pay for it’ than ‘don’t throw things, that’s bad!’

Kids respond to explanations better because all their childhood they get a lot of orders, all the time, which they are expected to follow unquestioningly.  Come here, put that down, don’t touch, don’t do this, stand here, go into class, sit down, stand up, we’re leaving, we’re going, do this first, do that later. They are not in control of their own time, no one asks their opinion, and also no one takes the time to explain why things are done a certain way- and if they question these things, they’re usually called disobedient and bad, or stubborn, or at the very least stupid for not understanding.

It’s more efficient for the group, but it’s disrespectful and upsetting for the individual.

Being the caregiver of an autistic / disabled person does not give you free reign to mention they still wear diapers.

butterflyinthewell:

You aren’t educating anyone when you do that. You’re pity-seeking and you’re embarrassing the disabled / autistic person unless they gave you permission to mention their diapers. If the person’s development progresses in a way to let them be mainstreamed in school (even if part-time), their peers will be relentless. Yes, the stuff you blog is seen by everyone unless your blog is strictly private.

But most caregivers never friggin’ consider that. (Sarcasm) It’s all about them and how they are affected by living with an autistic / disabled person, right? (/sarcasm)

Stephen Hawking managed to go through the last years of his life without the internet knowing what’s under his trousers. I think you caregivers can afford the same dignity to the autistic / disabled person in your life.

If they want to mention their own diapers, fine. That’s their choice. Stop taking it away from them.

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

Even when you are legitimately suffering, it is your
responsibility not to be cruel to people who haven’t harmed you. When
you are miserable and feel like lashing out, it’s your responsibility to
control that impulse and to apologize when you fail to control that
impulse.

Sometimes people think their suffering gives them the
right to be as vicious as they like, and that viciousness often lands on
the very people trying to offer them support and care. Someone who
cares about you and who is trying to support you isn’t there to be your
verbal (or physical) punching bag.

There’s a difference between
consensual support – sharing your feelings with someone who has agreed
to listen – and taking out those feelings on someone by saying cruel
things to them, hurting them physically, or making them feel bad intentionally to excise your own
feelings.

If you are the person offering care to someone who
is suffering, you are not required to accept cruelty in order to offer
support. You are entitled to set boundaries that keep you from being
hurt – even when the other person is also legitimately hurting.

Sometimes
people who are suffering get overwhelmed and lash out, because it can be
hard to think of others sometimes when your own pain is great. But if
and when this happens, it needs to be acknowledged and apologized for,
and the person who did it needs to figure out how to stop themselves
from behaving like this in the future. The person who was lashed out at is also entitled to their own feelings about what happened; no one’s required to excuse or ignore their pain just because it was inflicted on impulse or by someone else who was in pain.

No one gets a pass on
harming whoever’s nearest just because they themselves have been
harmed.  If someone is consistently treating you with respect, it’s not
acceptable to force them to bear the brunt of pain you received
somewhere else. Find other ways to handle overwhelming feelings.

smutconnoissuer:

eessac:

when you expose a sw.

someone exposed my line of work to my mother. one of my subscribers, don’t know who it is. i don’t wish you any ill will, that won’t get me anywhere. i just wanted to say something:

you don’t know me. you don’t know my circumstance, you only know what i allow the world to know online. my mother and i have a tumultuous relationship, she’s “disowned” me quite a few times. right now was the best our relationship has ever been.

now that’s done, now she’s officially done. with that one message sent to her, she’s disgusted and mortified to have me as a child.

when you expose a sex worker, you don’t know the impact it’s going to have.

my mom was my best friend again finally.

and now i truly only have my boyfriend, and it hurts.

i love what i do, i love my sex work and the connections/lovely angels i’ve met along the way.

before you decide to expose someone, think-

would this help them? am i helping them?

remember, you are NOT.

always remember, you are NOT.

IF A SEX WORKER DOES NOT INVOLVE THEIR FAMILY IN THEIR WORK, DOESNT OPENLY SPEAK ABOUT IT-

fuck tHAT-

YOU ARE NOT MY FAMILY.

MY DECISIONS DONT’T AFFECT YOU.

stay away from my family, any sex worker’s family.

you can’t undo the damage you’ve done.

Don’t out sex workers.

Don’t tell ppl their real names. Where they live. Any info.

Protect sex workers.

nonbinarypastels:

There’s this really weird mindset on tumblr where a lot of y’all think that just because someone isn’t systematically oppressed for a certain aspect of themself or their life that it means it’s 100% okay to mock or even harass them over it. I don’t even know how many posts I’ve seen where someone has been called out on this and responded with, “um sweatie no one is oppressed for [thing] :)” like

that doesn’t matter, pals?

Bullying people over non-harmful things they are or do is still shitty even if they don’t face oppression specifically for those things. It’s still being mean just for the sake of being mean just because someone is, in some way, different than you and then trying to justify it by acting like it’s cool as long as you don’t go after them for something that “actually matters”.

thorduna:

rifa:

cecaeliawitch:

sari-y-fawr:

cisnowflake:

cecaeliawitch:

I firmly believe that unless the couple has discussed and agreed to marriage ahead of time, nobody has any business making a surprise public proposal.

Okay except some people want a surprise public proposal. 

Girl my husband took me to Spain and gave me a kinder egg on the beach, the ring was inside the capsule (Lord knows how he did that) if any feminist tried to take that away from me I may cut a bitch. Best surprise of my life.

I wish people were capable of analyzing larger social trends and figuring that a significant number of women end up getting pressured into engagements or marriages they don’t want bc the audience that comes along with a public proposal will think she’s a bitch if she says no – instead of thinking “i liked it when it happened to me, therefore it could never turn out badly for anyone, not ever!!!!”

I think what people are misunderstanding here is that agreeing to marriage ahead of time doesn’t need to be like, asking permission to propose? I surprised my now spouse with a proposal in Disneyland but before that we had several conversations about the future of our relationship, future plans for our retirements and how we’d have to get married eventually for immigration purposes. I didn’t go to her and say “so would you say yeah if I proposed?” or hash out deets ahead of time, but we had enough of a mutual understanding and communicated desire to get married that, although it was a surprise for when and how I proposed, it wasn’t out of left field at all.

This is exactly like conversations about consent, people get up in arms thinking that it means you have to have contracts and serious sit down conversations before doing anything when its REALLY EASY to simply COMMUNICATE with your partner so things like this are done properly, yeesh

“proposal can be a surprise, engagement shouldn’t be“ – saw that somewhere, thought it was the most accurate

I would add that it seems even more crucial to communicate and make sure that everyone is on at least roughly the same page before doing anything like a public proposal.

Possibly placing someone into an awkward position in front of other people is not something to do lightly. Assuming that you do care as much about the other person’s feelings as one would hope if you’re wanting to marry them.

I mean, I know that just being the type of person I am, I would really not appreciate feeling unexpectedly put on the spot in a public setting. That might be enough to make me reconsider whether I wanted to marry the person who decided that was a reasonable plan for dealing with me specifically, after all. Even if I had been totally down with the idea up to that point, that level of misjudgment/possible lack of consideration would likely give me pause.

People may respond in a wide variety of ways, for their own reasons. Which goes back to communication and getting to know/accept someone well before you even consider asking them to marry you.

(With the caveat that if this leads you to conclude that they’re more likely to agree if you spring it on them under a situation of perceived social pressure not to make a scene by reacting negatively? You should just leave other people alone until you can learn to treat them better. Especially ones you’re supposed to care about enough to want to marry.

That’s not always the motivation, of course, but in some cases it does appear to be. Not so much poor communication making things awkward, as not really caring if your behavior is making things awkward. Obviously not cool, and I’m guessing that may be more the type of scenario the OP was thinking of.)

adoranlam:

lightlybow:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

gokuma:

lightlybow:

Them: Oh you don’t want this cat. He’s wild and he bites everyone and he’ll never just sit nicely in your lap. He’s a project cat. 

 Me: That’s okay, I’m a project person. 

 Two weeks later:

He won’t leave.

@donskoi

Tell us your secret oh great kitty whisperer.

Step one: let him hide or shy away from you if he wants to. He wouldn’t let me touch him for a couple days after we got back from the shelter. His comfort was more important than me getting to touch him.

Step two: make yourself nonthreatening. In my case this meant being very quiet, bringing food and lying down on the ground within his eyesight as an invitation to investigate.

Step three: watch his body language and don’t do things that make him uncomfortable. Turns out my cat often bit when he was overstimulated so I made sure not to overwhelm him.

Step four: draw lines, but not with brute force. Even though his biting wasn’t meant to hurt, I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t injure anyone in the future. So I decided when he bit me, I’d yelp “ow!” And then withdraw all physical contact for a few minutes, sometimes leaving the room. Now he never bites, but sometimes he puts his teeth on my hand and then thinks better of it.

Step five: provide a good outlet for destructive behaviors. Aka PLAY WITH HIM, SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.

Step six: be patient.

Step seven: get lucky and somehow pick up the best cat in the entire shelter. I don’t know how it happened but he’s a godsend. He’s literally cuddled me out of a panic attack. We both really needed each other.

This made me cry. Then again, what doesn’t? I’m so glad you found each other.