i think one reason people don’t want to be around kids is that we haven’t been taught healthy ways to behave around them – because childhood has been spun as this completely other state of existence (mainly to sell things), we’ve been trained to think we have to entertain kids or act in ways that are unnatural to us as adults when we’re with them.
but kids are just humans, adults in formation. all that’s needed from us is to treat them with respect. and kids know the difference between being treated as some other type of creature and being treated with respect!
it’s great to make kids laugh and be imaginative with them, but it’s more important to make them feel that we honor their humanity. do you know how to treat your adult friends w kindness and respect? then you know how to be around children.
Tag: respect
Hey Craig, do you have any eloquent words for people looking to build a local cultus worshipping European gods in Australia and New Zealand?
I do, actually.
(Though whether they are eloquent is, as ever, debatable. But sod it – you asked.)
Land first, then any indigenous knowledge second, and then the gods.
That’s the action plan for establishing cultus wherever you go.
The area you’re going to be working already has its own wights. Developing a relationship with them is vitally important before you ‘bring in’, as it were, another Power. If you’re not indigenous to the area, whether that be hailing from another continent ancestrally speaking, or the next town.
There are very few places on this planet that are ‘empty’ of beings – in those, it’s usually because something Major happened, The myth of ‘virgin’ territory is as ridiculous as the myth that ‘virginhood’ was solely linked to whether you’d had sex in all other cultures. Even in those places, it’s likely the very body of the land remembers and was affected by those events.I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: The world is alive and full of beings, interlinked Powers and Contexts. This means that, contextually, dedicating/performing local cultus to a European deity in an area where European colonizers systematically attacked indigenous structures of knowledge, lifeways and spiritualities, is going to be complicated.
It just is. There’s no getting around that. So it behooves us to work out what context we’re operating in. Which means putting in as much work as we can regarding local history, both pre-and-post colonization. It means saying “Hey, you were here first. So, introduction time: This is me. How about you tell me about yourself because I would like very much to co-exist with you in a way that benefits us all.”
You have to put yourself out there, and then there’s always the risk you’ll be given a Flat No. And I mean, you could still proceed, but that’d be a bit of an arsehole move, if you ask me.
And when I say ‘indigenous knowledge’ I do not mean attempt to ape the rites and cultures of indigenous folks, I mean looking to see what the stories say and accepting that as a valid form of knowledge, and then using that knowledge to deepen your interconnections.
Explorer (and ancient Imperial) cultures all probably had their own ‘spiritual diplomatic protocol’ for dealing with new places. Now, I’m not going to be woobie here, and not admit that some of them had a protocol which was Command and Conquer. But if we look at history, we find the Romans and their legions, as well as the Greeks, would adopt local deities into their pre-existing worldview – either syncretizing cults, or dealing with these deities in some fashion which represented a hybrid, and yet was distinct from original worship. (Occasionally, of course they would import cults wholesale).
Once you have a set of negotiations performed with the locals, then bring in the ‘foreigner’. (If you know actual indigenous people who are willing to talk with you over this talk to them first, because they also qualify as locals. duh).
In my view, everyone should develop a ‘spiritual diplomatic policy’ particularly if you are in any sense a polytheist and/or an animist. Understanding that humans are wights, that we are spirits too, and in no sense inherently superior to the ecosystem, spiritual and otherwise, but are inextricably linked to it and part of it is not just good practice, but helped our ancestors survive? That’s important.
But what if you, as a European-deity honourer, find a place where you can’t not feel the urge to honour your gods?
Where your god stirs your soul to irrevocable levels? If you can’t engage in long term diplomacy for reasons that don’t make you a dick? Then honour them, and then add a catch-all honouring for other wights of that place, and if you’re going to be returning to that place? Then bust out the diplomacy kit.
There’s a tendency I see on tumblr to refer to [Euro/other-god] of [place where they did not originally emerge], and to some extent that echoes ancient system. But you can bet your bottom dollar that at some point, a religious system of diplomacy was set up by priest and/or worshippers in those places for the pre-existing inhabitants. Hell, sometimes the foreign god was honoured in a place because the worshipper had encountered a being who the closest frame of reference they had for the experience was a non indigenous god. Does that mean that Nodens Mars (a Romano-British deity) was Mars? Possibly, or possibly not – the fact that Nodens was kept as a name suggests they were connected-but-distinct in some fashion.
But when I see Odin of Idaho as a made up example, I find myself wondering if perhaps it is not merely a case of Odin showing up in Idaho, but some local wight showing up and using The Old Man as an interface point. In this case? I find myself wondering if there is an indigenous piece of knowledge which is being overlooked in the favour of the more accessible data.
We live in a time where the amount of information available far outstrips that of our ancestors, but the living links to localised spirituality tend to be lost in may cases – due to colonialism, monoculture and other such things. If we’re serious about creating and living a life-way which benefits not just us but other beings, we’re going to have to research, and take risks.
We’re going to have to develop a practical theology which takes into account the liminal nature of spiritual, political and ecological interactions. Which means, much like our ancestors encountering a new environment, we should assume nothing, observe, test, and respect what was there before us – proceeding with kindness, generosity and respect, recognising that we may be either Stranger or Host, and knowing each role has its own sets of responsibilities.
Children are literally some of the most vulnerable people on this planet. They depend on and cannot survive without the support and care of adults for the extent of their childhood. They can die (and often do) because they’re forced to grow up in uncaring and cruel environments where the adults entrusted with their care don’t give a fuck about them. They live in a society that, by and large, still thinks of them as property and therefore not entitled to anything resembling rights, let alone basic human decency. There is nothing, absolutely nothing ‘revolutionary’ about grown ass adults saying they hate children and don’t want to give a fuck about them.
When people say they hate kids, what they’re saying is that they’re incapable of treating other people with any kindness or respect. Not only is that fucking scary to me as an adult, it also makes any kind of ‘progressive activism’ that these people do enormously suspect and completely fucking hollow.
You can hate kids without treating them like shit tho. I do not like kids. But I do believe they should be treated well. And I am not cruel to them so like… maybe just an addition there because like… I don’t like kids because loud, unexpected noises trigger my trauma response and kids are frequently loud in an unexpected manner.
My solution is not having children and leaving an area if I can’t deal with a kid’s presence.
I think the issue you are trying to address is people actively treat kids like shit and not people who legitimately just dislike children and prefer to avoid them but that isn’t how this is worded so I think clarification is probably necessary.
I know how I worded this. I know what I said. And I said that people, especially adults, saying they “hate kids,” even when they don’t go out of their way to “actively treat them like shit” is wrong, and they shouldn’t say this because this is something that is harmful to children.
Wow. Okay. Whatever. I’m allowed to talk about how kids make me feel. That doesn’t hurt anyone and you’re reaching quite a bit there.
“That doesn’t hurt anyone” lol it literally does that’s why I made the post, but ok.
How? How the fuck does me expressing how I feel about kids on the goddamn internet hurt anyone? You’re gonna have to explain because that makes zero goddamn sense.
You’re allowed to not like kids. And say so. Just don’t tell the kids that.
You’re reaching so far trying to grasp at anything rn.
What part of “Children are some of the most vulnerable people in society” is difficult to grasp? If you’ve got a whole class of people who could not survive without adults, who in turn continue to make their utter contempt for them blatant at every single turn, do you really and honestly think children don’t have the capacity to pick up on that and be affected by it as they grow up?
Kids are very much aware of how society at large view them as nuisances and disturbances by default. This shit affects them. This type of shit, at its worst, normalizes abuse. Don’t treat children with contempt they haven’t earned by default. That’s not okay.
“CHILDREN ARE VULNERABLE!!!1!” Is not an argument, 1.
2. Well, okay. So, I guess I shouldn’t bitch about cis gays, either, then. They’re a vulnerable group but like, wtf ever right?
Jyst because children make me uncomfortable and I talk about that, doesn’t make me some evil asshole. I’m allowed to talk about this.
You really think everyone who doesn’t like kids and talks about it is evil and that’s hilarious. Hsve fun with your delusions.
Nobody has to like kids. And they aren’t wrong for talking about it.
The only obligation you have is to not go around saying “Hey, kid. I hate you for being a kid.”
That’s all.
I gather from this that you either didn’t read my post or you’re just committed to your lack of compassion but either way, if you cant tell the difference between complaining about grown ups and complaining about children who rely on the adults around them to take care of them and survive and therefore don’t deserve undue disdain by virtue of their very existence then like. Good luck with that I guess.
You do realize just because you dont like something doesn’t mean you treat it with contempt?? I was bit by a dog recently and am kinda scared of them, coming off as not liking them. but i think they’re cute and will still pet dogs. I won’t own one, but i don’t purposefully hurt them. I hate kids- they’re loud and hard to deal with and make my anxious. I have a little sister and i still treat her like a human. I just dont want kids for myself or like to take care of them. It’s NOT virtue of their existence it’s the fact that /that’s how it is./ People dont like things
Same here. Kids are loud and my sensory overload gets bugged really easily by them when they screech. But I still smile at the little two year old that shyly waves at me and I dont yell at or make faces at six year olds even when they’re jumping around and kicking my seat. People are allowed to dislike or be annoyed by other people. The part that matters is whether you’re sitting quietly in contempt of the kid that’s been having a tantrum for ten minutes or if you’re actively yelling at the kid to shut up
“ I hate kids- they’re loud and hard to deal with and make my anxious. “ How does the first one relate to the second one. You can literally just stick with, “Children are loud and behave in ways I’m not always equipped to deal with which makes me anxious.”
You literally don’t HAVE to say that you hate kids. The way society has normalized that reaction as a way to deal with the multitude of feelings people have about children is exactly the fucking problem here. Why would you say you hate kids when you literally don’t? Why is that an acceptable attitude to take, and why the fuck does it go unchallenged?
You don’t have to have kids, you don’t have to be equipped to deal with every single behaviour children exhibit. But for the love of god, stop saying “I hate kids, but what I REALLY mean is THIS.” That’s the whole problem
Children are literally some of the most vulnerable people on this planet. They depend on and cannot survive without the support and care of adults for the extent of their childhood. They can die (and often do) because they’re forced to grow up in uncaring and cruel environments where the adults entrusted with their care don’t give a fuck about them. They live in a society that, by and large, still thinks of them as property and therefore not entitled to anything resembling rights, let alone basic human decency. There is nothing, absolutely nothing ‘revolutionary’ about grown ass adults saying they hate children and don’t want to give a fuck about them.
When people say they hate kids, what they’re saying is that they’re incapable of treating other people with any kindness or respect. Not only is that fucking scary to me as an adult, it also makes any kind of ‘progressive activism’ that these people do enormously suspect and completely fucking hollow.
You can hate kids without treating them like shit tho. I do not like kids. But I do believe they should be treated well. And I am not cruel to them so like… maybe just an addition there because like… I don’t like kids because loud, unexpected noises trigger my trauma response and kids are frequently loud in an unexpected manner.
My solution is not having children and leaving an area if I can’t deal with a kid’s presence.
I think the issue you are trying to address is people actively treat kids like shit and not people who legitimately just dislike children and prefer to avoid them but that isn’t how this is worded so I think clarification is probably necessary.
I know how I worded this. I know what I said. And I said that people, especially adults, saying they “hate kids,” even when they don’t go out of their way to “actively treat them like shit” is wrong, and they shouldn’t say this because this is something that is harmful to children.
Wow. Okay. Whatever. I’m allowed to talk about how kids make me feel. That doesn’t hurt anyone and you’re reaching quite a bit there.
“That doesn’t hurt anyone” lol it literally does that’s why I made the post, but ok.
Is it people saying ‘being around kids upsets me so I don’t want to be around them’ that you’re against? Or is it just the literal word ‘hate’ in this context?
Today I had a family with four children, ranging from ages 3ish to maybe 12ish, come in. They smeared their faces all over the display glass, knocked a chair onto another customer, spilled two drinks, and yelled the entire time they were in there despite their mothers pleas to use their “indoor voice”.
I hate children. I hate being around them, especially when due to my job, I’m not able to escape or avoid them. I dislike poorly trained ones, but thats usually the adults fault. Doesn’t mean I wish harm or pain or anything against them, just that I hate them and being in situations with them.
Hate =/= wanting to hurt someone.
This reads like someone who has never been forced to spend time with children with 0 options to leave if they found themselves unable to cope, tbh. They have the power to leave in that situation, I don’t. If anyone is allowed to hate children, its retail workers.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
@part-time-ravager I’ve tutored and worked with kids for years, but sure, I’ve never spent time with them.
Not being happy with the types of behaviours children often exhibit isn’t an excuse to go around saying you “hate children” as a result. Like, jfc, do you even hear yourself?
“Poorly trained” Children aren’t pets, you absolute tree branch. Nor are they olives, but that’s neither here nor there.
Treating children with compassion as they figure out how to navigate the world (yes, often in messy and loud ways that can be a struggle to endure) costs $0. Learning to overcome your feelings of aversion for a group of human beings who don’t know better and literally exist at the mercy of society at large is like, basic decency. The least children should be able to expect is that the adults around them have the magnanimity to be kind and caring, even when they fuck up, because they’re literally still learning how to live in this world, but I guess that’s beyond some of y’alls capacity then?
Like, kids have an excuse for messing up and not understanding societal norms. What’s your excuse for being an adult who presumably knows better, but is still an asshole anyway?
It’s one thing to not want children. That is completely your own choice and understandable. But saying you hate kids and do not wish to be around them is no different than saying you hate [i sweet any racial, sexual, gender, or other marginalized group] and don’t wish you be around them. It’s not okay! And what’s worse, is that every single one of us was a child. If you were one of the loud and clumsy and inconsiderate ones you hate so much, you would think you’d have some compassion and understanding that they are still learning how to navigate the world and understand social norms. If you were not loud, clumsy, and inconsiderate as a child, you understand that making that blanket assumption about cauldron isn’t fair.
Children do not enter this world knowing how to act. They have to be taught. Most of that teaching comes from their parents and teachers, but it really needs to come from everywhere. Children are like sponges; they absorb everything. They can pick up on the fact that you don’t like them. They pick up on adults who hold hate in their heart. They need to be taught patience, and sharing, and to practice emotional self regulation. These skills aren’t learned and developed on their own. The more adults in their lives who actively help them, the better behaved they will be and the more productive society members they will become. If you dismiss children as barbaric and loud and obnoxious and annoying, you are part of allowing them to be that way and grow into loud, obnoxious, and annoying adults who don’t care about other people besides themselves. Kids need role models who demonstrate kindness, not examples of people who hate and discriminate and make assumptions about an entire group of people and invalidate their thoughts or opinions. The thoughts, opinions, and developmental stages of children matter greatly bc they inform the adults these kids become. The adults they see in their lives and how those adults speak and act, shows kids what is appropriate. So maybe lead by example.
Affection
“No child should feel intruded upon and have their personal space not respected.”
I rememeber as a kid whenever you get mad about being treated “like a kid” and they say “you’ll understand when you’re older”.
And yeah as far as a few times in my teen years that was true but those cases were specifically more like “let me do whatever I want with no supervision” like no 16 year old me, you PROBABLY shouldn’t try to drive 45 miles to try and get into a bar to see a band alone, that is stupid.
But the majority of things? No I still don’t understand why you would teach a 10 year old like they don’t UNDERSTAND what they want or feel or that being upset was unreasonable. I’ve held some grudges this whole damn time from when I was like 5 because something did damage. I could feel the mark it left. My seething angry distrust from doctors in fact, is largely because when I was like 7 a doctor told me I was just a kid and didn’t know the difference between hot and cold and my feet were cold actually. I am still angry that was 21 years ago.
You can treat people like people, actually listen to their feelings, not automatically dismiss shit you disagree with or think is stupid, and still not let them sneak onto a bar because of rock and roll man. It’s not that hard. Kids aren’t stupid they just haven’t learned shit yet. You are the grownup stop teaching you bullshit.
Giving homeless people MONEY instead of FOOD can save their lives this winter, shelters cost money, being able to sit in McDonald’s and nurse a coke for a couple hours to warm up costs money, often accessing public toilets (whether it’s to use them, wash up or just to be out of the wind) costs money.
Just give homeless people cash, just do it, no excuses, no whining about “enabling their drug habits”, if you have money to spare, give it and possibly save someone from literally freezing to death.
Absolutely. And this idea that people should live up to some sort of predetermined standard you have is really uncool – there is no standard for if people should be allowed to be alive.
You shouldn’t give anything because you expect a result, you should give because it’s a basic human value to nurture other souls and foster community.
I always like to offer them food first and if they don’t take it, they’re scammers. If they take the slightly smushed cereal bar from the bottom of my purse, they’re probably really homeless and I give them what change I have. Unfortunately some people pretend to be homeless to take advantage of the goodness of others hearts.
Wow you’re a real do gooder. Total hero. People who can’t eat cereal bars don’t exist. Homeless people are not allowed to need anything besides cereal bars. Everyone knows homelessness cures allergies and food intolerances too!
Do you know how regularly I turned down food when I was homeless bc people were offering me endless amounts of food and is had enough to eat!!! I didn’t want anymore fucking food because you are one of some billion people pulling this shit all the time!!! But shockingly, a lot of the time I wanted fucking tampons or a bed to sleep in that night or enough money on my tram ticket to get to my psych appointments/volunteer job/work
Like you aren’t filtering out any “fakers” lmao trust me there are way less people “faking” homelessness than everyone likes to make you think (and yes, some people begging aren’t homeless, they might have somewhere to live but no money to pay for literally anything else they need!!! And no way to make that money!!!! So yeah sometimes people begging on the street are just there bc they need to make money and unless they literally say “this is where I’m sleeping tonight” they aren’t lying or faking shit and if they are its probably because they??? Have to???? Because otherwise assholes like you think they don’t deserve any support??????? But 90% of what you’re accomplishing is just deciding who you think is Worth autonomy and Worth support and Worth things that are basic fucking human rights.
Okay but I have a question because hrowing up I was always told not to give homeless people money because theres the chance that they could use it to buy drugs or alcohol instead of something they need. Now Ive never really bought into this idea because mostly whats its doing is blaming homeless people for their homelessness which is awful but I’ve always just been conditioned to be scared to give monry because of this concern and told that tiving toiletries like tampons and other necessary items and food is better. Is this something I shouldnt worry about? Instead of putting together bags of toiletries for when I see homeless people should I instead just offer money?
Yes. Homeless people are sentient human beings capable of making their own decisions.
Bringing this back around because it’s really cold out there so please give money to homeless people if you have it.
give homeless people money, the myth that homeless people have to be forced to make the right decisions was begun bc lawmakers wanted voters believing that homeless life was cheery and pleasant and it was only Those Degenerates suffering due to their own bad choices BC THEY DIDN’T WANT TO INVEST IN FIXES THAT WOULD MAINLY HELP THE POOR, and you now fucking stupidly believe it’s “common sense” that people are not coping with pain or cold, but are in fact having fun and will continue choosing fun over being alive bc ???. give money punks
You know what else you can do?
Ask the person “what do you need?”
Maybe it’s money. Maybe it’s food. Maybe it’s the spare blanket in the back of your car, or the gentle fiction of letting them wash your windows for a couple of bucks if that’s what they want to do (we talk a lot of shit about capitalism on this site and a lot of it is true, but it’s also true that sitting around doing nothing sucks, and you can do someone a lot of good by letting them have a simple piece of work so they feel like they’re contributing to something). Maybe you have a book and they’d like something to read! You don’t know! ASK!
A lot of homeless people, you can do them a world of good just by sitting down and talking to them. The number of people who make me want to cry because I call them sir or ma’am and they just stare, like it’s been so long since someone’s shown them that basic sign of respect that they don’t even know how to respond to it anymore, is incredible.
I guarantee, if you ask them that question, and you’re not an asshole about it, they will tell you. Then, if you can help, you help. And yes, sometimes help means “I don’t have what you need. But I do have a smartphone, and I can look up people who can help you.” That is a resource some homeless people may have–there are smart TRACfones now, what the fuck–but a much greater number probably do not. Information is also a thing you can donate.
i honestly dont get why girls would be intimidated by or think its weird that their boyfriend has female friends like ??? the only thing thats weird is if your bf doesnt have the mental capacity to consider a female more than just someone to have sex with
if he cant be friends with a girl then he cant be trusted .my husband was living with his female friend when we met. i was friends with her too so i knew how close they were. she was the one that pushed him to ask me out.
One of my mother’s big pieces of actually good relationship advice. Look at a person’s friends, for a decent indication of who they treat with respect and feel like they can relate to as human beings. Not just with gender, but definitely that.
This is getting on my fucking nerves, so I’m just going to say it here:
Adults who need high levels of support in daily living are not children.
“Mental age” is a concept rooted in eugenics, and it doesn’t actually exist.
No one should be robbed of agency or dignity because of their need for support.
Oh, also, while we’re at it (since disability rights activism that doesn’t tackle age-related oppression is bullshit), kids deserve to be treated with respect too. Shouldn’t be a controversial statement, but it is.
Most people neglect to mention this, but if “being treated like a child” equates to “being robbed of agency and dignity,” there’s something fundamentally wrong with the way we treat children.
Not sure if this is entirely related as a discussion but the fear that many elderly feel in regards to their deteriorating health is often not the fear of the body itself but the fear of being denied autonomy
Part of what makes the idea of micro-cheating harmful is that it presumes that any interest in another person is inherently bad. But the fact of the matter is that everyone gets crushes. Everyone finds themselves infatuated with another person or finds themselves having sweaty thoughts about somebody – regardless of their relationship status. It’s part of the human condition; no one person can be all things to us. We are all going to be interested in other people and no amount of monitoring is going to change that. Monogamy just means that we choose not to sleep with other people, not that we don’t want to.
And that’s fine. But trying to safeguard the primacy of your relationship by watching for signs of “micro-cheating” just creates a system of confirmation bias; you’ll find reasons to be suspicious because you’re expecting to see them. It discourages trust between partners and actively damages the relationship. Relationships aren’t depositions. You aren’t obligated to account for every thought, every action and every line of text, just because you’re dating someone. Putting a ring on it doesn’t mean that you no longer have an expectation of privacy. You always have the right to your own life and your own secrets.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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