Tag: running yourself into the ground

‘Fake It Till You Make It’ Doesn’t Work With Chronic Illness

chronically-illustrated:

thatchronicfeeling:

Instead, the options are:

‘Fake It Till You Are So Ill You Can’t Get Out Of Bed’

‘Fake It Till You Have A Flare’

‘Fake It Till You Have A Flare, Continue To Fake It Till You’re Hospitalised‘

OR

‘Accept That You Have One Or More Chronic Illnesses, Adapt Accordingly And Look After Yourself’

This is really important. I grew up believing I had to just use mind over matter to power past my symptoms, and that eventually led to a complete mental and physical breakdown that left me unable to walk on my own for a month. We really need to get rid of the idea that people aren’t trying hard enough if they don’t push themselves to the breaking point. It can be really harmful to pretend you’re okay when you’re not, especially if you’re struggling with chronic illnesses. It’s okay to accept that you have limitations and set boundaries so you’re not hurting yourself trying to keep up with able-bodied people.

chromalogue:

sheabutterbitch:

Here to remind you that doing your best does not mean pushing yourself to your limits. There are times where we’re met with objectives that we were unable to accomolish despite having “done our best” … which usually means that we’ve pushed ourselves to our limits and have perhaps even exceeded them. This practice is harmful and unfair to yourself.

When I say, “I did my best,” I do not mean that I pushed myself excessively or that I ignored my limitations. It means that I did everything I could do, excluding anything that could have jeopardized my mental health and emotional stability. Too often, do we feel that we didn’t do “enough” because we didn’t reach our breaking points whilst fulfilling an objective. This way of thinking usually arises when we fail at tasks, it is violent thinking that needs to be unlearned. You shouldn’t have to break yourself.

“You shouldn’t have to break yourself.”

aegipan-omnicorn:

itsalwaysfunnyinphiladelphia:

During my journey of understanding and accepting my autism, I’ve focused a lot on “can’t”.
I “can’t” go to parties. I “can’t” go to uni. I “can’t” travel or keep my flat clean.
A lot of people have, for a lot of different reasons, been upset with this, and I get it.
If they love me, it’s sad to think I’m resigning myself to a limited kind of life.
If they don’t love me, they think I’m whining and not pushing myself enough. That I’m weak. Spoiled.
And I get all that… especially when it comes from people that know me.

That’s because there’s a soft “can’t” and a hard “can’t”.
I could, technically, go a day without food or I could lift something as heavy as me.
People understand that when I say I “can’t” do that, it’s a soft “can’t”. Like, I could push myself beyond what’s healthy, and it’d suck ass, and you’re a jerk if you expect me to do this. Technically I can, but you’d understand my “can’t”.
A hard “can’t” is then an actual “can’t”. I can’t survive without food. I can’t lift a car.

So far so obvious, I guess.
But the thing is the world never accepts a soft “can’t” from disabled people.

My wife “soft can’t” do the shopping for my whole family for the weekend we’re staying with them. So my mum asks her anyway, because my wife is a sweet and giving person and I’m the only one who sees her shaking when she comes back.
I “soft can’t” hold down a nine to five job, but because me crying in the break room, shutting down during my hours off and because my wearing headphones during my lunch break instead of talking to my coworkers is just snobbery, people think I’m being lazy or spoilt when I say I “can’t” do it. Even though I’ve been fired for that kinda shit before.

If you know me you’ve seen me push through my soft “can’t"s all my life, and I was forced to so often that even I didn’t realize I “couldn’t”, because other people knew better and I was just spoiled and either people broke down just like me when I couldn’t see them, or I was just a weird, entitled, difficult child like everyone said.

But I’m realizing a soft “can’t” is still a fucking “can’t”. Because abled people aren’t denied that kind of “can’t”. We understand that if an abled person avoids physical or mental pain or exhaustion, that’s just them being sensible. People have a rough idea of what they “can’t” do, and they expect that at least part of the pain and difficulty in disabled people’s lives is just pushing through their limitations to reach the same “can” and “can’t"s as they experience and respect.

Of course the trope of the good disabled person pushing through to impress even abled people with their accomplishments has been discussed before.
But my thing right now is just about claiming or reclaiming “can’t”. I don’t have to, or shouldn’t be expected to, suffer through my soft “can’t"s any more than an abled person.

So fuck you, world! I can’t be outside in summer. I can’t handle your manipulations. I can’t perform. I can’t live on my own. I can’t have a perfect life. I’m not a spoiled brat, dad. My pain counts just as much.
And my can’ts count. I’m already pushing myself through difficulties you’ll never understand, just to stay alive. Respect my limits. I will, whether it pisses you off or not.

“But the thing is the world never accepts a soft “can’t” from disabled people.”

Someone finally put it into words.