literally, nothing exclusionists do, and nothing you say to an exclusionist, will ever matter. nothing will ever get a response beyond “nuh uh!”
they’ll phrase it different ways every time: “aces are cishet. cishets are cishet. they just wanna be oppressed so bad. they’re literally not oppressed in any way. they don’t experience homophobia or transphobia. they benefit from homophobia and transphobia. they are lying. that never happened.
“you can’t use their tumblr posts as proof. you can’t use studies about them as proof. you can’t use every real-life org including them as proof. you can’t use our community’s own oral history as proof. you can’t use our community’s own written historical documents as proof.
“lmao i’m not a terf, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao i’m not quoting terf rhetoric, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao i’m not consistently attacking trans women inclusionists, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao our movement isn’t full of terfs, we literally called out a terf once. lmao how dare you show me a blocklist of hundreds of terf exclusionists to call out, I’m literally an nb lesbian.
“anyway the community literally started to combat homophobia and transphobia. anyway it’s always been lgbtpn. anyway it’s always been lgbt. anyway cishets aren’t lgbt.”
some of the things that canonically Don’t Even Matter and are clearly Fake News:
(Same study: A higher percentage of trans aces are harassed at work than of trans LGBQ people. A much higher percentage of trans aces have had to quit school because of harassment, than of trans LGBQ people. A higher percentage of trans aces have experienced family rejection, than of trans LGBQ people. A higher percentage of trans aces lack health insurance, than of trans LGBQ people.)
I had no idea about any of these facts. Have so far tried not to get involved but according to these stats it’s a lot more important than I thought
honestly, getting involved in Discourse is probably pointless. It seems like the only exclusionists left are people who are so invested in their beliefs that they can’t or won’t even look at other information; they just insist everything’s all lies, and make fun of it without reading.
But getting involved in supporting aces in whatever ways they need/want, or raising awareness among the rest of us? That’s always worth doing. 💖
i was talking to my bi ace genderqueer cousin about this and pulled up the post again and like….
i just want to highlight this part. This list is all from the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, which had a sample size of something like 15,000 people. Which is fucking huge for that type of study.
A higher percentage of trans aces are harassed at work than of trans LGBQ people.
A much higher percentage of trans aces have had to quit school because of harassment, than of trans LGBQ people.
A higher percentage of trans aces have experienced family rejection, than of trans LGBQ people.
A higher percentage of trans aces lack health insurance, than of trans LGBQ people.
None of this is because we are trans. If it were because we were trans, then the numbers would be similar to the numbers in the other groups. The difference between the groups is that we’re ace.
I need to point that out, because I’m pretty sure the knee-jerk exclusionist reaction to this would be “but they’re trans, so it is just because they’re trans.”
And it’s not a surprising difference. It parallels what happens when studies of things like suicide, poverty, et cetera, in gay+bi vs straight people, actually separate out the gay and bi people. It always turns out that the bi people have the highest rates of whatever is being studied.
This is just the same thing happening again. The groups that get the least attention have the worst outcomes, gosh gee I wonder how that could be… and then that makes it harder for us to advocate for ourselves, which continues the vicious cycle.
basically, a lot of exclusionists have seized upon Pride Month as a great time to double down on claiming that “aces aren’t oppressed in any way”
this list is my gift to everyone who sees those posts and has to be like, “I mean, we might not die or be kicked out or assaulted for being ace, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy” or “so we should take a backseat, but we deserve to be in the car”
print it out, crumple it into a ball, and throw it at an exclusionist today!
There’s that weird gray zone that’s neither ‘death threats’ nor ‘suicide baiting’ where people just like to send you graphic descriptions of the violent, dehumanizing things they wish would happen to you, like some kind of moral loophole.
“Death/rape threats are immoral and illegal! That’s why I’m merely describing in vivid detail a fantasy I have about what I think someone else should do to you. Not little old me, though! And not by your own hand – that would be suicide baiting! I’m just praying to God that it happens, and I want you to have this imagery in your brain forever.”
It’s called harassment. If it includes anything sexualized, it’s sexual harassment. 99% of the time, the “protect children” or “protect the lgbt community (from fakers)” screechers are the real predators.
Ditto the people who want to claim they didn’t send a death threat because they just said they wanted to hurt you 🙄 Like whomstever once said they wished they could get a car and come run me over.
I mean, they don’t care whether this is harassment or death threats or suicide baiting. They justify it to themselves by claiming they’re defending the community from inclusionists, or… don’t even bother justifying it at all. Like, I think the car one was because I had said some fucking celebrity was bi, which is… quite a reaction.
But it’s important for the people who get this shit to know that it’s abuse, and that it’s not okay. It’s important to know that your community recognizes that, and doesn’t endorse treating anybody like that.
The underlying message of “this person deserved this abuse, because ___________” is always “and if you don’t act the way I want, you’ll ‘deserve’ it too.”
things are getting desperate for me again and I need help!
since june 22nd 2018, the DWP has refused me my benefit, and now I have to go to court to contest them cutting me off, but I’ve been waiting months for my date, with barely enough to get by. constantly.
I’m an incurably disabled dyke, as in there is no treatment on earth that will get rid of my agonising joint pain and constant fear of dislocations due to my ehlers danlos syndrome. I’m bipolar. I have generalised anxiety disorder. I have 178 pages – yes, you read that right – of medical evidence, and it still isn’t enough in their eyes, hence going to court.
I have a lot of bills to pay. My phone, my travel, toiletries, sanitary supplies, food, new cheap sneakers because the ones I have right now are worn down to the point it causes me more pain, and I’m in them 8 hours a day. it all adds up, and I am on the bare bones of my ass right now.
That combined with how my incredibly abusive family refuse to help is turning my suicidal ideation all the way to 11. I’m fucking desperate right now.
My PayPal is tinykestrel@gmail.com – every little helps. Please spread this if you can’t donate.
my dad committed suicide and I will soon have no reliable finances ori place to be
I am a mentally Ill and disabled (cerebral palsy, autism) 18 year old trans women. On October 30th, i lost my beloved father to suicide. I lived with him to escape my mentally, physically, and sexually abusive mother. Without my father around, I have very limited options now as far as housing, finances, and medication availability. I have no car or drivers license and my bank account and PayPal balances are 0. I have nothing. On October 30th I lost everything. My father was all I had. Please try to donate anything you can so I can afford to live. My relatives can help somewhat but I will still be in dire need.
Autistics are dying young — 12 to 30 years earlier than might otherwise be expected, many from suicide
What’s even more troubling is how the statistics go wildly up when the populations looked at are female or have other developmental disorders.
Or how even people considered ‘high functioning” showed the same overall rates. Thusly showing yet again how profoundly bullshit functioning-labels are…
tumblr user 1: i have issues identifying my gender and orientation due to borderline personality disorder
tumblr user 2: fair enough
tumbr user 1: which is why i am BORDERLINEGENDER and BORDERLINESEXUAL because my gender and sexuality can change and are determined by a mental illness
tumblr user 2: wait no that’s not how it works
tumblr user 2: that belief is actually very harmful to the lgbtaq community and also delegitimises the struggle of living with bpd
tumblr user 1: Y DO U HATE NEURODIVERGENT TRANS PPL
So it seems clear from context that OP is against neurogenders, but this post doesn’t actually make me any more sympathetic to User 2. User 1 never implied that all lgbtaq orientations and genders are caused/influenced by mental illness, they just said their own were. And how are they “delegitimizing” THEIR OWN illness?
Yeah. Like… I haven’t heard this with BPD, but I do hear it fairly often from autistic people. And it seems there actually are a lot of autistic trans people. So if someone wants to say “I think my self-conception of my gender is influenced by the way my neurology works,” okay. “Autismgender” seems like a usable abbreviation, even.
If you want me to use neopronouns, I’ll probably ask if they/them is acceptable to you, but aside from that I’m not sure why that would be objectionable?
I mean, the old-school “we think this is what the science says but we’re not totally sure” understanding was that prenatal hormones can influence (but not wholly dictate) gender identity and sexual orientation, and if that’s possible/likely, why couldn’t neurological differences do so too?
Yeah, I don’t ID as either borderlinegender or borderlinesexual but I do have BPD and I completely understand why other people with BPD would ID with these terms just from my own experience in questioning my sexuality, because my BPD absolutely impacts that to a significant degree.
I don’t think being borderline on its own has directly caused me to be queer, it’s not the only factor involved, but it definitely influences my sexuality and my ability to feel sexual and romantic attraction and the degree/frequency to which I feel them to the point that it has made it pretty damn difficult for me to figure out just what terms apply to my orientation.
A major reason I primarily ID as queer is because of this, even, because if not for ‘queer’ I’d be spending all my time explaining “well I’m technically bi but also kinda grey-aro/grey-ace because my mental illness makes the way I experience attraction fluctuate from one day/hour/minute to another and for every stretch of time I’m sure I’m attracted equally to people of all genders, I’m totally devoid of attraction for another stretch of time and….” — and yeah, I’m not doing that. I’m tired just typing it out.
So I get 100% why someone with BPD would need a specific term to describe that their BPD is a major influence on how they experience either their gender or orientation or both. It’s a valid way to feel and it’s not an uncommon experience, either (there are people in various bpd tags who post about questioning because their bpd makes things so confusing pretty much every week), and I don’t think it delegitimizes the LGBTQiA+ community or other people with BPD at all.
I think it is mostly a problem where people think you shouldn’t even count as anything but cishet because you might have been cishet if you were neurotypical. It basically results in a subtle “you are not allowed to choose your identity because your perceptions are off”.
And this is extra miserable because idk about other disabled people but I CANNOT PASS as my damn asab because I cannot “preform” femininity correctly. So basically you get outgrouped by you assigned gender then try and find spaces for whatever gender you are and then get told you are failing at THAT for being disabled.
If disabled people ID as trans because they are disabled then that to some people, seems to imply that all transpeople are broken and should be forced to go to conversion therapy…. but I have literally been advised to have conversion therapy by lgbtq people because THEY are fine and normal but I AM broken i guess. Like I have read articles about transgender autistics killing themselves because they were told by gender clinics they couldn’t transition until their autism was CURED. In other words NEVER.
And this doesn’t even get into the fact this also applies to sexuality. Having any sort of baggage is often considered abusive. People will frequently tell people they aren’t allowed to date until they “recover” and I bought into that as a kid but 10 years later and I am now WORSE because of isolation. It doesn’t matter what your sexuality is either. You’d think that you would at least be allowed to be asexual but nope, being anything but straight when disabled is endorsing the “broken” narrative. Every other group will try and force you into the ace box but the ace community also hates you so even if you ARE ace you have no support.
But you know it’s not ableism or anything you’re just trying to sneek into spaces to ruin things for the REAL LGBTQ people.
Having concrete anticipations also gives you a solid reference point against which you can check your mental health status.
The way I knew I had slipped from morbid ideation to suicide risk was when I realized that the release date of kingdom hearts 3 wasn’t enough to make me leave a bottle of hydrocodone alone. The moment of recognition that something I had been dreaming of for 14 years wasn’t enough motivation to make it through the night was how I knew I needed an intervention.
Video games just happen to have concerts dates and strong reactions from people. They’re an excellent and accessible tool.
There’s a gofundme for the funeral services that are happening on Saturday.
For those of you who don’t know, a young man who I considered a brother took his own life this past Saturday after struggling with terrible depression. The family is struggling to afford everything, so if any of you could donate, or signal boost, I would really really appreciate it.
His death was sudden and very tragic, he was only 19 years old and was deeply troubled. I love him very much. I would really appreciate if y’all could at least signal boost it.
If you were in a social skills class or a life skills program, did they ever teach you:
-The signs of a toxic/abusive friend, family member, partner, spouse, etc,.?
-How to cut off a toxic/abusive friend, family member, partner, spouse, etc,.?
-What to do if someone touches you in a way you don’t want them to?
-How to deal with suicidal ideation/feelings/thoughts?
-That you can tell someone to not touch you if you’re not comfortable with being touched?
-How to tell if someone is trying to take advantage of you?
-How to defend yourself if you get mugged?
-How to know if someone is lying to you?
-That it’s okay to fuck this shit up sometimes?
-General self-advocacy?
Because to my knowledge, I wasn’t taught shit about these in social skills classes. But IDK if my schools just had shit social skills programs or if this is happening everywhere.
I wasn’t taught the signs of an abusive person until my first year in college, in my Sociology class AFTER THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE HAPPENED.
If I was taught those in high school, especially for social skills because a lot of abuse tends to rely on manipulating communication, it would’ve probably saved me so much time and effort.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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