teaching children that they are allowed to walk away and cool off if they are feeling overwhelmed might literally save their life as teens/adults
could save other ppls lives too.
I feel like the key here is letting them know that they can come back to the discussion, and that you’re not just sending them to their room with different words
“go calm down” is just dismissive, but “go calm down and we’ll talk more about this in half an hour” validates the child and lets them know that you’re not just brushing them off
its also worth noting that “go calm down” as a statement, regardless of what follows it, comes across as dismissive. add plurality to the comment.
“LET’S go calm down.” “LET’S take a break” “WE BOTH should step away”
never expect a child to do what you yourself arent willing to do in the situation. otherwise, its just a time out.
Speaking from the perspective of someone who has spent her whole life struggling to be allowed to do this, well… that’s the other half of the equation: Actually LET them go calm down. Let them out of their room anytime they’re ready – this isn’t a punishment, after all – but don’t come stomping in when YOU decide it’s been long enough.
Every time I tried to back away from confrontation in my household, my mother would pursue me and continue the argument/fight/disagreement until she got angry enough to storm out. Usually while yelling.
So, I can also confirm that not being allowed to walk away from a confrontation is extremely stressful and hellish for a child.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 