Tag: yeah

People being at risk of institutionalization thanks to home care funding cuts is not a new thing at all here, BTW. There’s also been enough squabbling over what social care local authorities and the NHS are supposed to be responsible for to begin with, as all the budgets continue getting slashed. The situation just keeps putting more people in danger, though.

That particular article sounded like it was a much more recent problem, rather than a continuing and accelerating one thanks to the austerity rubbish.

(Not even adding some of the ranting I want to right now. Because Sanity Watchers Points.)

aegipan-omnicorn:

rescuemepotts:

tomcats-and-tophats:

garliccloves:

classical-cacophony:

wardencommanderrodimiss:

this is too real

Note this doesn’t work for bi girls!! 

Mara Wilson is a bisexual woman

Boy bands are almost overwhelmingly cultivated around the easiest way to sell shit to young girls, which very heavily leans into societally dominant heterosexual love story narratives, which in themselves tend to focus on specific attitudes towards gender roles, presentation, and styles of attraction. 

Bi women are not straight so we do not conceptualize our gender and attraction the same way a straight woman would because we do not function under the same societal pressures and dynamics. Ergo, the marketing around and content within the songs by many boy bands can be incredibly alienating to a bi woman audience even if they still experience attraction to men because we often do not experience that attraction in a way palpable to or even considered by those cultivating the public image of these bands.

Accusing Mara Wilson, a bi woman, of bi erasure, for sharing an amusing anecdote on her own experience, is ridiculous. But it is also an incredible disservice to bi women like myself who are more than acutely aware that we are (and always have been) a far cry from this media’s target audience – and it is, in fact, a demonstration of the effects of bi erasure that people so stalwartly align us with heterosexuality that we’re accused of erasing ourselves when we talk about our alienation from mainstream m/f-focused media.

My parents wouldn’t let me listen to Backstreet or Nsync because they thought a 6 year old shouldn’t be interested in boys. But they let me listen to Spice Girls and I’m pretty sure that was the beginning of my gay awakening

[Image description: a string of tweets from Mara Wilson (quote):

Want to know if a woman in her 20s or 30s likes women? Ask them which boy band was her favorite growing up.

If she has to think about it for more than a second, or shrugs, or stares blankly, she likes women.

My girl friends all had crushes on boy band members and had strong affinities for them, but I could never muster up more enthusiasm than “I guess Howie is cute” or “Justin has a good voice.” (unquote)
Timestamped: 11/17/17, 4:34 PM. Description ends]

Note: the same is true for asexual girls.

Granted, I had aged out of girlhood by the time “boy bands,” as a thing, became the huge phenomenon of NSYNC and Backstreet
Boys (I entered first grade in 1970 – I’m right on the cusp between the last
of the Baby Boomers and the first of Gen-X’ers, depending on which
social scientist is doing the counting). But I basically had that same, blank stare, “give me a minute to think” reaction to teen heartthrob TV and movie stars, which, like the boy bands of the 1990s and early Naughts, were heavily packaged romantic properties.

And it never even occurred to me to think about which women I thought were attractive, because, growing up in an even more heteronormative generation than now, no one thought to ask my opinion on them. But if they had, I would would have had to stare and shrug and think a minute…

Source: wardencommanderrodimiss

chronically-chris:

One of my favorite depictions of the debilitating “fatigue” ppl with autoimmune diseases experience. I often attempt to describe it as trying to function while submerged in thick mud; every movement, no matter how small, is exhausting. 😩. #lupus #autoimmunedisease #knowlupus #ms #fibromyalgia #RA #chronicillness #chronicpain #fatigue #fever #lethargy #exhaustion #invisibleillness #spoonie #spoontheory #jointpain #lupusfog #needacure #prayforacure #sick #ugh #idmakemybedifievergotoutofit

Being tired is not the same as clinical fatigue.

Source: chronically-chris

That’s actually some indication of how disturbing the ankle situation was looking yesterday. Especially given previous experiences with our local A&E/ER? I have decided not to go in over the years with celiac fractures, a couple of other injuries probably 98% of other people would for, a really terrible skin abscess, one bad tooth abscess flare that had me scared, or suspected pneumonia. Probably forgetting some. I don’t trust them not to do more harm than good, much less take any pain seriously.

But, that had me concerned enough to seriously consider it anyway. Especially with the animals to look out for, and otherwise on my own for a while with nobody else to get help if things turned bad enough fast. In the end? It still seemed much safer not to, as a sick autistic person with no backup. Seen as a woman, to boot.

fierceawakening:

dysphoria-privilege:

sullengirlalmlghty:

tockthewatchdog:

tockthewatchdog:

not to be a bitter asshole but the overwhelming “my gf is perfect and relationships between women are are all pure and perfect” culture on here is annoying. there are a lot of us out here being used, cheated on, dumped, abused, having communication issues and shitty breakups, and lesbian culture is not a binary of “im alone and pining after an imaginary perfect gf” or “i have a perfect gf”. it does baby lesbians and bi women a disservice. don’t feel like there’s something wrong with you if you have bad dates or weird dates or women treat you like shit or trespass your boundaries and in general don’t act like perfect magical moon princesses and your relationship isn’t a magical dream of cat ownership and cuddling. women are people too, and that means women are flawed too. there are wonderful women out there and you will find one someday to build your life with but there are a lot of assholes out there too, you’re not failing at anything if you date one of them. and you have the capability of being a shitty asshole too!

Boy there’s a lot of defensive creeps on this post!

“I’m a lesbian in a perfect relationship and I would never downplay that so that other lesbians aren’t jealous that’s ridiculous“

jesus, yeah this is definitely about jealousy not lesbians and bi women in toxic or straight up abusive relationships feeling isolated and wanting to change that!

A key reason why some believe LGBTQ IPV to be rare may be due to an assumption that LGBTQ people are inherently nonviolent. This may be particularly the case for sexual minority women. In contrast to the aggression often associated with culturally prominent masculinity norms, many lesbian women are socialized to perceive relationships involving two women as a peaceful and ideal “lesbian utopia.” Unfortunately, this powerful stereotype can impede lesbian female victims’ ability to recognize that a partner’s behavior is in fact abusive rather than normal.26 For example, in reflecting on her same-gender IPV victimization back in the 1990s, Julie describes the ubiquity of the lesbian utopia ideal in the United Kingdom that prevented her from discussing the abuse with anyone: “Well it was during a period where everyone was just raving about erm how brilliant woman-to-woman relationships were and also I don’t think anyone believed that one woman could do that to another woman—there was just no, no sense of reality around that at all. There was sort of a political euphoria about lesbianism at the time; well not even lesbianism, just woman-to-woman relationships.”27 Echoing these sentiments, a victim of female same-gender IPV in the United States explains the powerful influence the lesbian utopia ideal had on her ability to recognize the abuse: “No—I thought, well, I just thought that it was fine because we were girls, like, and girls don’t hurt each other like that. So I just thought that it was the way it was supposed to be.”28

– LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence: Lessons for Policy, Practice, and Research by Adam M. Messinger

An example of what can happen when a group of people are glorified

This is exactly how I got into an emotionally abusive relationship. My other bi friends had told me “relationships with women are better because there aren’t power dynamics like there are between women and men.”

I doublethought (doublethunk?) my way back to “this isn’t a power dynamic” every time I felt demeaned and afraid, because “there are no power dynamics between women,” so I couldn’t have been living one.

Lesbianism-as-purity stuff terrifies me now, y’all.

oh, are you nb? (sorry if this is weird, im agender and its weird to meet other nb ppl that don’t share the radical mindset of the other ppl on this site)

anaisnein:

travellinglemonworkshop:

fierceawakening:

I… don’t know what I think of gender. So I pretty much don’t contradict anyone who decides anything about me (which is fascinating, because I either have cis privilege or not depending on who is looking at me. I am quantum gender physics!)

Basically, I have body dysphoria but unlike a lot of people who do, I don’t have a male gender identity. I have no idea what feeling like a man feels like, or what wanting to be called something other than female because it’s soothing feels like (I don’t like this body but that doesn’t make it male, imo), but I have every idea what “why is my body so lumpy” and “I can only modify my body so much through exercise and I don’t have much time even for that” feels like.

I’m not sure what being a woman feels like either. If it’s “not being startled by she,” holy shit, I guess I feel like a woman.

I do not know what I would think of gender if I ever took T and found it useful for easing my discomfort. I do not know if I would know what being a man feels like, even then.

The only term I know that seems to encompass this is nonbinary, but I have a lot of issues with that term as well.

I … this, oh my god.

I get called “sir” every so often instead of “ma’am,” which always feels sort of like an accomplishment – as if getting called “sir” enough times will unlock some sort of Guess My Gender achievement – but I’m not trans enough to be trans and not cis enough to be cis and mostly I’m just confused, which is REALLY FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU’RE OVER 40.

+1 to everything here. at least, not the bit about occasionally being guessed m, more’s the pity, but I reblogged this from that comment anyway due to the bit about how wrangling this over 40 is extra hyper ultra special bullshit.

the thing about “nonbinary” as a proposed solution to this riddle is there isn’t a there there: there’s not a well defined normative nonbinary position to transition to.

and that’s difficult for anyone at any age.

but it is beginning to be less true for people in their teens and 20s. there are clearly others like you, more and more are articulating it to themselves and speaking up about it, they’re not even hard to find any more, so, like, there is an emerging way of being This?I mean the map is a sketch on a paper napkin and the path isn’t paved and well lit yet, but there is a map and a path and a nascent destination. it’s not easy, it’s a bit like being gay in 1987 maybe in that you have to proactively make the effort to carve out a space for yourself, like, probably you’ll want to move to the Bay Area or equivalent to optimize for authenticity and happiness, but at least that exists as an obvious and theoretically feasible course of action.

at my age? um. I realize it’s not technically true I’d be the only one, here is this nice commenter for instance, but it feels like it. there’s no go-to subculture, community, cohort, with visible people like me in it. it’s hard to envision finding a hearth, refuge, support, role models. it’s not that the path is an unpaved trail but that there isn’t any path, it’d be me and my machete and my willingness to go out on a limb all alone and make myself ridiculous and difficult and vulnerable. it’d be leaving point A and striking out into dangerous terra incognita without even having much reason to believe that there’s a point B out there to get to. one might have to make one’s own point B from scratch. and I’m so tired as it is. and is there any actual benefit? if so, Is it enough to outweigh all the risk and trouble? it’s very unclear.

(don’t get me started on the difference in sunk costs and investment in existing life, career, etc at 45 vs 25. there’s more to lose by upending the applecart, and not just affecting oneself.)

so when I think about identifying as nonbinary, it feels more accurate than most anything else, yeah, but also sort of pointless. and arduous. and less like the solution to anything than like a new pile of hard problems.