I’m tired of people acting like if an employer discrimates against you as a disabled person or violates the ADA you can just take it to HR or get a lawyer and sue them. I took my complaints to HR and was told to shut up or leave. If I pursue it further I either lose my job or risk making my job even more miserable due to retribution from management. Neither of which are survivable for me as a disabled person. Yes there are laws in place but the system makes it impossible to enforce them in any way and punishes the people who try. I am totally powerless in my position and my employer has made it clear that I am disposable.
CFS is a poorly understood disease that doctors don’t take very seriously; often they tell you that it’s all in your head or that you have depression. It is more prominent in DFAB people but we don’t know why.
The diagnosis process is one of ruling everything else out so it’s really hard, time intensive and costly to get a formal diagnosis.
Other co-morbid things that often pop up with CFS: fibromyalgia, IBS, and migraines.
I totally understand that this tweet is just a joke and that it’s Not That Deep but it does downplay the fight hundreds of thousands of people wage every day to get their doctors to listen to them, take them seriously, and actively do research. The woman featured in the screencap, Jen Brea, made a documentary called Unrest about her experience with CFS, and is one of the leaders of the movement to make medical professionals take us seriously & to raise awareness. Unrest is currently on Netflix, if you’re interested in watching it.
Disability & chronic illness activism doesn’t get a lot of recognition or support from able bodied people so it would be cool if everyone could pitch in and at least signal boost articles like this or educate themselves and their friends and families instead of making jokes like this. Thanks 👋🏻
Whether it is directly perpetuating abuse and violence, enabling it, or failing to recognize the abuse and trauma, it is a failure of adults in their lives. You know what else is a parental and societal failure? Filming kids at their most vulnerable as a way to showcase how “challenging” it is.
You know what’s really important?
Not, as the NAMI spokesperson in the NPR article implies, framing it as a choice between psychiatric beds and intractable violence at home. Because it does not surprise me and my friends that one of the kids’ behavior “didn’t improve” when he got home from inpatient. Because we have witnessed the violence and hostility of inpatient institutions.
Maybe a focus on trauma-informed care and removing sources of abuse and violence in the kid’s life. Maybe that’s also important. Maybe it’s important to fight for community-based services and training providers need instead of more psych beds.
It’s possible to advocate for struggling children with dignity.
IDK how you see a post about “a missing child” and it’s made for a 17 year old LGBT person reportedly covered in self harm scars who left with their valuables and pet to live with their boyfriend and think ‘kidnapping’ and reblog it.
Like, please, please take 10 seconds to think about the context and look at the facts before spreading something and trying to track down someone who doesn’t want to be found.
I see so many “missing child” posts made by family of 16-17 year old LGBT people who clearly needed to leave. I hate to think of them being dragged back to an abusive home.
I know people just want to help and do the right thing, and the “spread like wildfire” and “reblog to save a life” comments may make you feel guilty for ignoring it, but just be careful.
There is a difference between a 4 year old disappearing and a very nearly adult saving up money to escape and leaving in the night with their valuables and pet/s. Be wary of ‘missing’ teens in general but particularly those who are LGBT.
I had this happen at 23. I had a missing person’s report filed against me. I hadn’t harmed myself – I simply decided to leave. Be wary of giving away information.
That’s true that missing persons reports can be filed on adults who attempt to leave home. This also can happen to adults who move out of their parent’s home state as well as adults who cut ties with their parents. This happens to people who move without telling anyone, move farther away then the parents would like, stop answering the phone, block their numbers, change the locks, etc even if the people ‘searching’ know that they are alive and well because they are still speaking to other family members or posting on social media. They just don’t care. Bottom line is not everyone claimed to be missing is actually missing.
While my post was just a mini rant about LGBT minors escaping abusive parents in particular, it gained traction so I’m going to add to it. Here are some things I want you to think about when you see ‘missing person’ posts:
Someone could be trying to escape. As I’ve already mentioned this is common with parental abuse and LGBT people but domestic abuse victims on the run is a situation you need to consider, as well as people escaping from a cult, or an arranged marriage or trafficking. You just don’t know what’s going on.
Just because a post is made doesn’t mean an official report was filed. Anyone can make a post on social media, and it doesn’t require contacting the authorities first. It doesn’t mean the person is really missing, or that the person who made it has good intentions.
You don’t know who is making the post. The person behind the computer could be an abusive domestic partner looking for the victim who had enough courage and help to escape, or abusive parents who want their child back and will punish them harshly for running away. It could even be an ex trying to track down someone who has put in a lot of effort to distance themselves and move on. Or perhaps even an internet stalker who wants a victim’s specific location and just has their name and photo and so they made the post as a scheme to get information on them.
Here are things you should look for in ‘missing person’ posts:
How old are they? Are we talking about a 4 year old child who disappeared from the mall or a 17 year old who left home? Young children are more likely to be actually missing and people old enough to care for themselves are more likely to be escaping something or someone. However, you need to consider that teens and adults can get kidnapped esp for trafficking and that small children can be tracked down maliciously just like teens and adults can. In an abuse situation, where one party escapes and take the child, the abuser could make a post to try and look for the child and their ex. This may also be the case for a parent who didn’t get custody or had all parental rights taken away. It’s just something to consider and you can’t determine a situation from age, or any of these factors, alone.
Did they take anything with them? Someone who disappeared while walking the dog and left behind their phone, keys, wallet, etc has almost certainly been kidnapped and someone who left with bags full of clothes, their wallet, keys, and phone, valuables such as computer, or even their pet/s or child/ren is someone who almost certainly left of their own accord. Pay attention to what they list off as also missing, what they were last seen carrying, or what the poster explicitly says they packed up and took with them. Generally, people who are kidnapped don’t pack first.
Where were they going or last seen? Sometimes where they were last seen, like a bus stop or train station might be a clue that they were leaving and not kidnapped, and sometimes the post may explicitly say they were going somewhere, like to ‘visit’ their close friend or partner, who they may be moving in with or staying with until they find a place. Not a guarantee, but sometimes people are where they say they are and the poster just wants them to come back.
Any situational details? The post that prompted my mini rant mentioned that the “missing person” had self-harm scars on their arms and thighs and that they were LGBT. Someone who self-harms may be doing it to cope with abuse, especially a minor, though of course, it could be unrelated. And as for being LGBT that’s a big risk factor for parental abuse and they are more likely to run away. That paired with the person having left with their things including phone, computer and cat, and was mentioned to be going to their boyfriend is enough to see they have not been kidnapped. Pay attention to details.
Does the poster ask you to contact them, or the police? I see a lot of posts with phrasing like “the police have tried everything and looked everywhere, so if you see them please call or text me ASAP” and even actively discourage you from contacting the authorities. That’s a big red flag. This person could be as mentioned before, an abuser trying to get their victim back, an ex, a stalker, or even in the situation where someone has actually been kidnapped, the kidnapper themselves. They may do this to keep tabs on the search effort and if someone calls and says they’ve seen the person, they’ll know it’s time to move on. Don’t ever call or text a personal number to give information on a missing person, even if they are actually missing.
If you do believe that someone has been kidnapped, is actually missing or in danger and you have information, call the police! That is what they are there for. Cops suck, but you have absolutely no idea whose cell phone number is in that post. Don’t use it. You could be putting someone in very real danger.
It’s not like I’m an expert or anything, but I hope this helps. Please take the time to read a missing person post and use context clues and common sense to determine if action needs to be taken. Don’t in your effort to help spread a post for a person who doesn’t want to be found or in an actual dangerous situation give information to the wrong people. Be smart and help people stay safe. Don’t blindly reblog, that’s all.
I would also add that, especially if the person is underage? The fact that the cops are involved in the case does not mean that they didn’t voluntarily leave for good reason.
It can be suspicious if the people looking for them seem to be avoiding official involvement, but minors pretty much belong to their parents. No matter what’s going on–and it’s really not safe to assume that the authorities are not going to just return kids to a bad situation.
When I was younger, I knew too many kids who got picked up by the cops and locked up on psych units. Court ordered and/or on their families’ say-so. Nobody seemed interested in finding out why the kids kept needing to run away, or doing anything about the situation when told. Instead, they tended to get treated as spoiled brats who were tearing apart their (abusive) families, and further lose credibility afterwards thanks to Scary Diagnostic Labels.
Another thing to keep in mind with the frequency of “Missing Child is mentally ill/otherwise disabled, and must immediately be dragged back For Their Own Good”, BTW. Especially given the appalling abuse rates faced by disabled kids, to begin with. (Also disabled adults. And thanks to ableism, that is too likely to override all critical thinking if some Concerned Soul is looking for them even when the person is a grown-ass adult.)
Thankfully no direct personal experience, but I saw that happen to multiple teens in what sounded like totally plausibly, legitimately awful home situations. Some of them also queer, yeah.
Basically, it can be a huge mistake to assume that the authorities must be looking out for the wellbeing of people reported missing. Particularly when it’s a minor, with the power imbalances and lack of basic rights there.
I really wish this were not the case. But, I have to remain highly suspicious of missing teen searches, in particular, when I have no way of knowing what’s going on there. Too many people with reasons to leave, not nearly enough guarantee that anyone in a position to do much about it is looking out for their safety. Whether or not the authorities are involved.
#GrowingUpUgly
When guys in middle school would get dared by their friends to ask you out and see if you say yes as a joke
How about growingupugly and then turning out sort of okay looking but you don’t know for sure because your self esteem is shot and you’re convinced you look awful?
#GrowingUpUgly Being so wholly convinced of your hideousness that as an adult you now literally cannot even imagine that someone would pay you a compliment and mean it; the only conceivable thing that could be happening is that they’re either a) taking the piss like the boys in school used to or b) so repulsed by you that they feel sorry for you and are telling you you’re pretty because they think you need to hear it.
Hurts how true this is though
I don’t know if this helps, but I’d like to say it anyway just in case it does.
None of you were ugly.
The other day I found a class picture from fourth grade and I looked everyone in it, and then I saw the “ugly girl” – the one people constantly harassed, whose desk kids would pretend was contaminated, the one kids would invent complex songs about just to voice their disgust toward her.
And she looked like a normal little girl.
She looked no different than the rest of the class.
She was never ugly. And I know that you may be thinking to yourself “but I WAS ugly” – I just want you to consider for a moment that maybe you weren’t.
Maybe you were tormented by your peers for no reason except that they were experimenting with and learning the rules of callous human cruelty that would define the rest of their lives – and recognizing this, the adults who should have protected you, let it happen. Cruelty and social shaming – the foundations of how human beings police their society is learned and it is practiced.
Since I’ve become an adult, I don’t recall ever seeing an “ugly” kid. Kids are all just strange-looking works in progress that the artist seems to have abandoned intending to finish them later.
I want you to think about our racist and unhealthy “standards of beauty”. Are any of the things that society fixates on as “ugly” truly ugly? No. We take things that are beautiful and we associate them with ugliness and badness and coarseness – to control them – to batter the will of the already oppressed down to the point where they think the abuse they receive is justified.
The children who demeaned you were learning to crush the human spirit to the point where the target internalizes all that hate and keeps hating themselves even when the bullies are no longer there. Those children were learning the sadism that defines our social hierarchy – we live in a culture where success is achieved through exploiting others.
No one deserves to be treated that way. LGBT children shouldn’t grow up ashamed of themselves. Black children shouldn’t grow up thinking white children are inherently prettier.
You were not ugly. You were told you were ugly so that people could have an “excuse” to target you, to ostracize you, to other you, and to abuse you.
An “ugly child” wouldn’t know they were ugly until someone TOLD them they were. They don’t grow up ugly, they grow up emotionally abused.
And still if you feel that you were the exception and you were objectively and unquestionably so ugly as a child that everyone noticed – even if you feel you are still that ugly now…
That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. It doesn’t mean you won’t find love, and trust and happiness.
You are worthy of respect. You have worth. You have value.
And if the rest of the world doesn’t seem to notice your worth – look at the evil and vile things the world does value and count yourself lucky not to be among that number.
There are people who will see your worth. There are people who will look at you and not see “ugliness” – they will see a friend, a mentor, a hero and even, yes, a lover.
If no one else says it today, and even if you can’t say it yourself, I would like to tell you that you are not ugly. That you were not ugly. That you did nothing wrong. That you did not deserve to be treated the way that you have been and that you deserve happiness and love and respect. And you will find it.
I was about to reblog this and add at the end that I thought I was the ugly kid but I looked back at pictures of myself and was like “I was never ugly????” And also kids suck. Thanks for the addition, poster before me.
“Man, I’d kill myself if I had to live the way you do”.
…thank you, for completely devaluing my life. Oh you didn’t mean it that way, I see. I’m sorry. What exactly did you mean when you told the chronically ill person you’d rather be dead than be like them? Oh, that you admire them. Right, right. That’s an odd way of phrasing it then. Isn’t it.
This is your reminder that it’s actually not a compliment to tell a sick or disabled person that you’d kill yourself if you had to live like them. It is not a nice or supportive thing to say and can actually be very dangerously triggering for someone.
If you feel compelled to say something, empathy is a good thing to try. So instead of making it about you and how you could not cope with being us, say something like “that sounds like it’d be hard, I’m sorry you’re dealing with that” or “Wow that sounds sucky, can I help in anyway?”
It’s true my life is not the same as your life, and that’s okay. But don’t go making assumptions that yours is more worth living just cause all your parts work. And I know a lot of you who say that don’t mean it unkindly, I know it’s said unthinkingly and I’m not trying to make you feel like a horrible person. But I am asking you to think.
“Whitney Ellenby will admit: At times, her approach to raising her son Zack might have looked more like child abuse, especially the day she tried to bring him to a “Sesame Street Live” performance when he was 5 years old.”
It doesn’t look like abuse, it IS abuse.
She’s trying to normalize the notion that it’s abuse to a neurotypical child, but when it’s an autistic child it’s “therapy”.
Fuck that noise. I doubt she spent even a second TALKING to her kid and explaining that the dark isn’t always bad. A young autistic child may not realize that painful sensory stimuli are not actually injuring them.
I was terrified of vacuum cleaners as a kid because the noise they make hurt my ears. I thought they could suck me up. Mom explained to me that no, it can’t, it can only suck up small things. She made me understand that I’m too big to get sucked up by it. Now a vacuum is just a loud, annoying thing.
My older sister dragged me kicking and screaming onto Space Mountain. I freaked out. Not from the speed, but because I thought I was going to hit my head on the beams I could barely see inside the ride. My sister is not super accepting of my autism (and this was pre-diagnosis), but getting me to tell her why I was so scared let her tell me they wouldn’t let people ride if they were hitting their heads on things. I’ve loved Space Mountain ever since!
But these damn fricken Autism Parents™ don’t even bother talking to their nonverbal / semiverbal autistic kids. They assume their children are too incompetent to understand (even if it’s via AAC for people who have trouble processing speech like @lysikan does) and think the only way to get through a day is shove the kid through activities. And while they do that, they act like they’re the long-suffering martyr who should get gold stars for ‘surviving’ their ‘burden’.
Fuck that.
It’s possible to take an autistic child into difficult situations without making it a battle of wills. Forcing them to go when they’re scared without finding out why they’re scared in the first places teaches them that their fears don’t matter. It’s entirely possible that a child will stop making a fuss because they know it’s useless to do so. They’re taught to be passive, to just accept what happens to them for the convenience of others.
Part of being autistic involves having Internal Rules, and instilling an Internal Rule to “always do what other people ask because I’ll be forced to do it if I resist” is not healthy.
Whitney “taught” Zack using fear and trauma, and that’s NOT okay.
She also decided on her own that his reaction must be due to a phobia he needed to be pushed through For His Own Good*–rather than even considering the possibility of overload in a crowded noisy environment.
Or anything else which could be worked through/around in a less traumatic way, for that matter. Never mind trying to find out what the actual problem was from the kid himself.
(Which seems to be a repeating theme in the book itself, not too surprisingly. Including abusive behavior. I haven’t been able to read it myself, maybe especially after a full readthrough with commentary on Twitter from Kaelan Rhywiol. Who also got ableist harassment and threats from the author and her husband.)
* Obviously not how that works, anyway. As discussed.
Jokes aside, the implications of this are fucking terrifying
Because there are, in fact, disabled people who cannot do things like go grocery shopping or to the gym or movies or go “out” for any reason, ALL the time. That’s not the vast majority of disabled people, but they still exist.
And what he’s really saying is that
Those people are the only people who deserve any accommodations.
Quality of life is a luxury disabled people do not deserve
Even these “genuinely disabled” people should still, somehow, hold down a 9 to 5 job.
And this is what eugenics advocacy looks like most of the time. It’s not just fascists screaming about degeneracy and mass sterilization in institutions.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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