bfdreaming:

lysikan:

I see that a lot here in tumblr-land whenever someone says, “hey, I’m autistic and I am not like that / don’t like that / take offense to that” in response to a post about “suffering from autism”, poster then turns around and says “I don’t mean you …”

Then they go on to describe ME as “that other kind of autistic”.

“the low-functioning kind, that can’t talk and have meltdowns and suffer so much” (well, I don’t suffer, but they speak as if I do)

You know, the ones that it is safe to insult or ignore because we act really strange so we aren’t really people and our opinions don’t matter (they don’t have to consider our feelings because well duh we can’t have any cause we’re not really people). You know – the “low functioning” kind that can never live alone so are a burden and it’s such a shame that people have to deal with us.
And it’s always backed up by “I have a relative that is one of those and no matter what his parents try they can’t make him be normal so he is really suffering”, or “I teach/take care of that kind and no matter how many times I abuse them they still won’t act how I expect them to”. Of course they don’t call it abuse – to them taking away communication devices, toys, food, and rewards is how you get ‘them’ to do as you say; it’s not abuse, it’s “training”. Except it is abuse to the autistic. That’s why they scream and yell and stamp their feet and do all the other meltdown things. They are trying to tell you that they are being tortured, from their point of view.

You see, most of the “low functioning” autistics they are talking about are not suffering from autism, they are suffering from torture and abuse by parents, teachers, and caregivers. It’s often legal torture and abuse, but it has the same effect as if it weren’t.

The people who say these things are usually the worst abusers. Teachers and parents and relatives that see nothing wrong with locking a child in a closet to teach them how to behave, even though being locked in a closet scares the shit out of the kid so they can’t think and therefore cannot learn anything from the experience.
They see nothing wrong with tying the kid’s hands down so they don’t flap and “look like a retard and embarrass me”, even though that flapping is what is keeping the kid from exploding because they have been thrust into a fast food place during rush hour and all the noise is overwhelming them.
They think nothing is wrong with forcing the kid to be fully dressed at all times even though the touch of cloth is overwhelming the kid’s sensory processing disorder, because “they have to learn to live with it like everyone else”.

Denying Baby a candy that she can see, with no other reason than “it’s almost dinner time”, would be abuse. She has no sense of time, candy is for eating, and things that are in front of her are for her. She will not learn to wait, she can’t because it requires a sense of time to understand. So we don’t put the candy in front of her. The parents/teachers I’m discussing here are the ones that would put the candy out, slap her hand for trying to take a piece, then complain about how much she is suffering from autism when she has a meltdown because they tortured her. Usually they would add how rough life is for them having to deal with it.

Taking me to the mall is abuse. These same parents/teachers are the ones that say “they need social exposure” and force the autistic into social situations in spite of the autistic’s reaction. I cannot and never will be able to handle more than a few people at a time. When I was a little more capable I could go grocery shopping – in the middle of the day in an area where no one else would be shopping at that time. Put me in a place where people are close enough to touch and I will be jumping up and down squealing and waving my arms around as if trying to fly. And no amount of “desensitization” will change that. And it won’t change it for that five year old that the mother is dragging on a leash while he kicks and punches the floor, yelling. You don’t do that. It’s abuse, not “training”.

Anyway, enough ranting for now.

Next time you’re tempted to say “I mean the other, low functioning, kind that suffer from autism” just stop and admit you don’t know what you are talking about.

Disclaimer: I have not been subjected to “desensitization therapy,” but I am autistic and have sensory processing differences.

People will talk about putting autistic kids through “desensitization therapy,” but real desensitization therapy is a treatment for phobias.  Phobias are pathological; the therapy works by placing you in the presence of the thing you’re afraid of, but you’re still in control and will not come to harm.  Over time your brain will stop associating the thing you were afraid of with danger.

Sensory processing is not pathological.  It is a physical sensation in reaction to sensory input.  You can’t train it out of someone.  It’s not a matter of association; it’s a matter of direct harm.

If I hit someone, and they flinched, I would not continue hitting them until they stop flinching, then declare them cured.  I would apologize and not hit them again.

But for some reason, people think it’s okay to do this to autistic kids.  For some reason, hurting children is considered acceptable if the child is autistic.  It’s baffling and horrifying.

I find this stuff maybe even more frustrating in a way, after dealing with many years of easy bad assumptions that my overload reactions must really be coming from anxiety/agoraphobia. (If not just me being an asshole and purposely making things hard on the people around me–and/or later, having psychotic episodes.) And that got handled about as badly as you might expect, with professionals providing the ammunition. They also continued down the same paths when it was making the situation that much worse.

In that case, there was at least some excuse of ignorance, up to a certain point. That was also before the possibility of autism was really on the radar dealing with people who looked like me on the surface. I didn’t even know any of the sensory stuff was legit until I was around 30. Now there is absolutely no reasonable excuse for treating known sensory issues the same way. None. It is so abusive, and it’s not like better info is that hard to find. If people were primarily interested in actually helping.

This misplaced “desensitization” approach is also such an excellent way to give someone lasting real anxiety, besides trouble with learned helplessness. As I put it before:

It’s not just that treating overload as anxiety does nothing to address what’s contributing to the overload. Though that is certainly a problem.

It’s also that, IME, assuming it’s all anxiety is a very good way of producing actual anxiety that wasn’t already there.

Especially if some people want to blame you for not trying hard enough when–surprise!–what tends to help anxiety doesn’t do much for sensory overload.

That turns even uglier in some ways when the ones doing this don’t care to try to understand the differences, they’re that eager to play the martyr for having to deal with the person they’re treating abusively 😐

No excuse. Maybe especially dealing with children.