Listen, if you give me only verbal instructions, understand that I will not understand a word you said no matter how good they were if it’s more than one or two steps
On the first anniversary of the Brexit vote, many in Britain
are celebrating their ‘Independence Day’. We in the Global South have been
through this before, after we achieved our independence from, er, mostly
Britain. But we bear no grudges, so let’s start by saying hearty congratulations
on your independence, we are very happy for you. In order to make your
experience smoother, we will share some lessons and advice we have learned in
the post-independence era. So here’s what comes next.
Valuable lessons there.
“Despite your best intentions, we all recognise the difficulty of negotiating a successful post-independence path. As the old saying goes ‘half of all newly independent states fail within the first few decades’. But failure is not something to despair about, it’s part of the process of growing and learning.
So at some point it’s likely that we will have to declare you a failed state. This will automatically trigger a number of procedures that you are probably familiar with by now. Firstly, we will organise some conferences in Mumbai, Dubai and Abuja with titles like ‘The UK in the Post-independence Period: Challenges, Opportunities and Solutions for a Failed State’. These conference will be attended by UK experts, there will be thousands of these within months of the first signs of trouble in Britain, who will work very hard to come up with ideas that will get invited to these conferences.
Secondly, columnists will start writing opinion pieces describing in 500 words how to solve all of the UK’s problems. They might spend as long as one full-day in Newcastle talking to ordinary people as research for their columns. They will generally advocate supporting youthful entrepreneurs to help create a better future for the UK.
Should these opinion columns and conferences prove ineffective, it will be necessary to invade Britain to bring about regime change. We will do this reluctantly and with a heavy heart, and later make films about how the experience of occupation scarred us, so don’t worry it will all be done in good taste. In time, we will write you a new constitution and organise elections, but until the situation is stable enough we will need a pragmatic local leader to appoint as a provisional ruler. We’re thinking of Tony Blair.
That’s about it. Happy Independence Day from your friends in the global south. ”
My name is Jess Zelda and I’m twenty-six years old and for more than a decade I’ve been trying to find some way to survive my mental illnesses and physical challenges. I have PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and multiple anxiety disorders. On top of that I currently have a few fibroids, pcos,…
While we love butterflies, bees, hummingbirds, and bats (here’s the proof),
some pollinators might feel a little sad that they are not better
known. But now is their moment of glory! We want to celebrate some of
these unique species and help broaden the pollination conversation.
Lizards, Geckos, and Skinks
In Tasmania, a snow skink only found there seems to have a visible
co-evolutionary relationship with Richea scoparia plants (shown at the
top of post). It is only after the skinks tear off part of the flower
and eat them that insects can access the parts of the flowers used for
pollination.
Mosquitoes
Not all mosquitoes feed on blood. Only the females feed on blood, and
only when they are producing eggs. Male mosquitoes feed exclusively on
plant nectar, sometimes serving as vectors for pollen transmission.
Cockroaches
Yes, cockroaches! Are you excited? While it’s admittedly a new area of
research, pollination relationships between cockroaches and plants were
discovered in three countries around the world, with the latest being in Chile.
A wingless cockroach (Catara rugosicollis) in Malaysia, one of the three
places (so far) where pollination relationships between cockroaches and
some plants are documented…
I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.
Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank
Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.
My friend who worked at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had a similar story. Rare fish were disappearing, they suspected theft, and so set up a camera. An octopus was unlocking the top of its tank, walking across the suspended walkway, unlocking the other tank, eating his fill, re-locking the other tank, then re-locking its own tank.
I can’t remember what zoo this happened at, but there was another octopus somewhere who was unscrewing a water valve in the room where its tank was located and routinely flooding the place. The staffers had no idea what it was until they filmed the octopus caught in the act.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! But, sir, it has already released itself!
My dad worked in a lab and one of the rooms had a tank with an octopus in it. If they didn’t go play with the octopus he got bored and would climb out of his tank and steal the paperwork off the desks, and drag stuff into his tank to let the scientists know he was upset with them.
Four months, a heated, filtered, planted 5.5 tank, a lot of blood worms and regular water checks later:
i’m crying. he’s as beautiful as a summer’s night sky, when the sun is about to set over the horizon , and the last reflections of blue and pink dance off of fluffy white clouds.
Oh my goodness, even if he stayed ugly, this story warms my heart so much. Aww…
Johnny Saxby works long hours in brutal isolation on his family’s remote farm in the north of England. He numbs the daily frustration of his lonely existence with nightly binge-drinking at the local pub and casual sex. When a handsome Romanian migrant worker arrives to take up temporary work on the family farm, Johnny suddenly finds himself having to deal with emotions he has never felt before. An intense relationship forms between the two which could change Johnny’s life forever.
I watched this about 8 times already on Empire Online. I suspect gross sobbing may occur at some point.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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