Are they lying tho?

The close feline supervision of the whole process makes it that much better 😹

A lot of the advice I got about learning to enforce my boundaries was framed as an adversarial thing. Like, ‘yes, it might upset and disappoint the people around you, but you have to learn to tell them ‘no’ anyway.’ At best, ‘good people will still like you if you enforce your boundaries’.

What I wish I’d been told is that good people will think it’s awesome that you enforce your boundaries, that there are people who will respect the hell out of you for it, that there are people who will admire you not despite you telling them no, but because of it. That most people don’t want to make you do something you don’t enjoy,and so they’ll actively be happier and more relaxed around you if they know they can trust you to decline to do things you don’t enjoy and to ask them to stop things that bother you.

It helped me a lot, personally, to stop thinking of ‘enforcing my boundaries’ as something I did for me and more as something I did to empower the people I was close with, to build a situation where they and I felt sure everything that was going on was something we all wanted.

Most advice isn’t good for everyone and this advice seems maybe bad for people in abusive situations, because sometimes you do need to learn to enforce boundaries against people who will try to violate them. But if there are other brains like me out there: your partner will be really happy you can say no to them. your friend will be really happy you change the subject when you hate it. your roommate will really appreciate that you tell them to turn down the music. most people will feel safer and more comfortable around you if they know you’ll reliably express your needs, AND they’ll feel better about voicing theirs.

oak23:

the level of pettiness, stubbornness and thriftiness

appalachian-ace:

ayeforscotland:

omgsamchap:

JFC this is DISGUSTING, trying to villainize this man for having a faulty fridge when the quality of housing is what let the fire get so big and deadly. The point is that a building that is well-made according to reasonable regulations wouldn’t become an inferno due to one faulty fridge. It doesn’t matter what started the fire, it’s the fact that it grew so big because corners were cut in making the building safe and livable. Fuck DailyMail and anyone blaming this man for what happened.

Like I’ve said in loads of other posts, this is a coordinated attack by the government AND the media.

The media are the ones that shape public perception and find excuses for every catastrophic mistake the Tory government makes. It is the media that has turned people in the UK, although it’s far worse in England, against immigrants and the disabled and everyone they disagree with.

The Tories are a massive bunch of wankers but it’s the media that cosy up to them and will publish any perspective to get a story. That’s ‘journalist’ opinion pieces where they criticise the working class for being lazy or when they publish the endless streams of shite as they follow Theresa May around the country to repeat what she’s said everywhere.

We then get this ridiculous notion of ‘media impartiality’ where ‘all sides must be heard’ so they can drag some arsehole UKIP representative to comment on something. UKIP have been represented on hundreds of BBC Question times despite never having MPs or anything. The BBC giving airtime to twats like Nigel Farage or the EDL has shaped public opinion over the past 10-15 years.

Now we’ve got the scum at the daily Mail attacking a guy for something that could have happened to anyone rather than on the fucking incompetence of a corrupt local council and a government-enforced austerity policy.

Most people are beginning to click that the media isn’t some random channel where we’re told what’s going on. It’s just a bunch of perspectives and it’s mostly the perspectives of total arseholes.

The rise of different media is changing things. Blogs are changing the way the public has access to information.

Fuck the mainstream media as it doesn’t do anyone any favours.

Seriously. I spent the morning after Christmas sitting outside my building on a cold sidewalk wearing pajamas and a bathrobe because someone had a small kitchen appliance fire, praying we weren’t about to become a newspaper headline.

BUT our landlord hasn’t skimped on fire safety. Fire alarms got us all out of bed and outside. Sprinklers contained the damages to one room in one apartment – the fire Department didn’t even need to bring in their own hose. Only that one tenant even had smoke damage. After the drywall and neighboring carpet was replaced, you probably couldn’t even tell it happened. The rest of us could laugh it off and go back home.

What we went through is what kitchen fires in large multi-family buildings in the developed world OUGHT to be like.

Source: tillaneesia

moorbey:

“No Es Mi Presidente” – Taina Asili

The Puerto Rican singer smashes white supremacy and chin-checks Donald Trump in one fell swoop.

damonthomaslee:

empatheticvegan:

That awkward moment when I bear shows more humanity than humans.

The bear literally has no reason to do this other than kindness.

Source: sizvideos

thatadult:

It’s so scary hearing rich kids saying their parents are rich “because” they work really hard at their one job. or emphasizing that their parents didn’t have anything handed to them. My grandparents worked really hard and didn’t have anything handed to them and they were poor their whole lives.. and their ancestors worked hard and got displaced from their land in Tennessee and Georgia and faced violence from white supremacists and didn’t have opportunities. My parents worked really hard and had nothing handed to them, and they became rich for a couple of years because they got lucky. And then they lost all their money! and now work harder than they ever did, and don’t have any money lmao!!!!!! Poor people work hard… poor people work hard every day. What’s the point of equating your richness with hard work in comparison to poor people… like, it’s 100% rhetoric to demonize poor people and suggest that they’re poor *because* they’re lazy, and aren’t working hard enough, don’t want it hard enough, didn’t pull themselves up by their bootstraps etc. it’s baseless construction of meritocracy lol “my parents are rich because they work hard” WHO WITH A JOB DOESN’T WORK HARD, SUSIE..?

selchieproductions:

All victims are Muslims, and even though both the police and the home secretary has called it a terrorist attack, and the terrorist is reported to have shouted that he wanted to kill all Muslims, the Prime Minister has yet to describe the attack as anything more than a “terrible incident”, which tells you everything you need to know about her and her opinion of Muslims, really.

most men don’t want to hear this, but it needs to be said

madeofpatterns:

fierceawakening:

bizarrolord:

stopmakingliberalslookbad:

sexgenderbody:

men –

we are the problem. all of the problems. and not just some of us – all of us. we are bullies, rapists, murderers and we live off the sweat and pain of anyone we can. you may not have raped or stolen land but you sure as hell dine off the privilege of being a member of the rape and murder class.

and the biggest problem are those of us who say nothing. we are the grease for the machine. we are cowards because we don’t want the brutality of other men to be focused on us. we are taught as children to play along with the rape and murder class rules or be punished.

so we keep our mouths shut when we should protest. we laugh at sexist jokes. or racist jokes. or we just slink away and say “I’m not like that”.

well guess what assholes – we are like that.

all of us.

so, if you’re not throwing yourself and every other man you see under the bus – you’re just another chickenshit rapist happy to skate by while others do the raping and live the fat life that buys you.

we don’t know 10% of how shitty it is to have to listen to the crap that comes out of our mouths every day. street or office harassment, stupid jokes at the dinner table, loss of money or healthcare or whatever simple autonomy we enjoy being denied to women, queers and people with less money or darker skin.

at every injustice of bloodshed and starvation, there is a man causing pain to someone else.

it’s a man’s world alright – and all this shit is man’s fault.

silence is consent motherfuckers. this shit doesn’t end so long as you stay quiet (and saying “I’m not like that” or “men get hurt too”…by men, btw – doesn’t count.)

speak up cowards. act up. yeah, and your life will be harder. you will lose shit. but that’s shit you stole – it ain’t yours. so buck up and make the term “act like a man” mean something other than rape or murder or violence.

Men –

As a woman, I am begging you not to engage in such embarrassing self-flaggelation. You aren’t oppressive for existing. It’s your actions that matter. Oppressive men are the problem. Men as a whole are not. By all means, acknowledge and speak out against oppression and misogyny, but don’t throw yourselves under the bus like this. It’s more counterproductive than anything. In fact, it makes me wonder how sincere you truly are when you make posts like this.

Every time I see/hear a guy talk like this, I wonder to what extent he’s trying to use feminist rhetoric to either get laid or to be the gay guy with the most hags. It’s suspicious af to me.

I have absolutely no idea whether or not this is a troll.

That said, in my LJ days there was a guy who had a blog and talked like this.

He was caught filming himself touching an unconscious woman’s breasts.

I do not trust people who talk like this at all.

*This* is what I mean by toxic masculinity.

Male identity that has misogyny and rape and abuse of power built into what it means to be a man.

That is not inevitable. Not all men are like that. You don’t have to be like that to be a man or to be masculine.

But a hell of a lot of ideologies seem to say that you do.

That terrifies me.