I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood
this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake
Do you want to know something that people don’t tell you about being married for a long time?
You actually do run out of things to talk about.
I know you might think I am kidding, but I am being a million percent truthsies over here. As a child, I always wondered what married people talked about, and was assured by many a family member that there were always things to discuss.
This is a lie. A big, fat one.
It’s really unfortunate that no one was truthful with me, because here I am with nothing to say and completely unprepared on how to deal. My husband and I go on a weekly date night and after I go into detail about my wild day working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I answered three emails, I found a dollar in the wash), I have nothing.
The other day I started to tell my husband about this super interesting thing that had happened, but then I was like, “oh never mind, I’m saving that for our date tonight” and he’s like “um, WHAT?” and I was like, “well, when I’ve got something good I save it for date night so I have something to talk about. It seems like such a waste to spend it on a regular day.”
So then he thought that was one of the weirdest things he’s ever heard about, which I assumed maybe HE already did that too? But he was like, “No, people do not do that.”
It’s like I don’t know how to be a person the right way sometimes.
Every now and again my husband will ask, “did you bake anything today, hon?” and if I made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say “nope” because I’m hiding them and don’t want to share.
These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a thick vanilla custard that slices up like a dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top.
Basically, these are perfect and you need them right now. That is all.
recipe blogs do this so they’ll show up better in search results. a recipe is essentially a list of keywords all clumped together and then some short, simple instructions on what to do with those keywords. google doesn’t like when you fill your webpage up with a million million tags like an overzealous white twink on instagram, so it filters sites that do that out of the top results in favour of sites that balance keywords with content… so you’re left with a whole slew of foodie and recipe blogs that are FORCED to write a 500-word essay on every recipe they post or they won’t show up in google’s search results as a reputable site.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.
They’re asking you if they can play too.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.
They’re asking if they can watch it with you.
.
When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”
What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”
Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.
What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.
.
This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.
IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.
I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.
But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.
So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.
Example: what are you reading?
True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book
Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.
Example: what are you doing?
True answer but not: drawing
Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?
And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”
Tldr: communication is wierd
HOLY
SHIT
that explains so fucking much thank you
(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)
Further annoying?
They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.
I think it has to do, at least partially, with this.
There’s a whole lot of Guess Culture, at least in the US where I live, so that’s what I’m going to talk about. What these people are doing is testing to see if you will offer them an invitation by expressing their interest in a roundabout way, because to their perception, just ASKING to join you is rude and invasive. The math goes like this:
– If I ask you if I can join you to watch this TV show, and you don’t want me to, and you say “No, I don’t want you to join me”, then you look like an unfriendly ass.
– If you don’t want to look like an ass, because courtesy is so often performative, you would instead grit your teeth and say “Sure, of course I don’t mind” even though you do. Now I’ve got what I want – I’m watching the show – but you’re not happy because your private enjoyment has been infringed upon.
– I have now placed social pressure on you to do what I want you to do. You couldn’t REALLY say no because that would have resulted in social consequences.
– Therefore, instead of asking, I will merely express interest and gauge your response. This saves us both some embarrassment because you can show me you’re not interested without directly rejecting me as a person, and I can salve my pride a little by attributing your rejection to other things – maybe you were just tired, or cranky, or distracted. I’m still disappointed, but this hasn’t become a confrontation.
That’s basically how this social junk works out, and it’s why a whole lot of people don’t just say what they mean, or ask for what they need – they perceive that doing so is a form of social coercion. In other words, they’re trying to be nice and respect your boundaries, but because you didn’t set those boundaries to begin with, the two of you are just missing each other entirely in this conversation.
Exactly. It has little to do with neurotypical or neurodivergent, and everything to do with culture clash.
If it were ok to say No, then Asking Culture would be more prevalent.
Since it largely isn’t without “looking like an ass,” and being treated accordingly, then a lot of people conform to Guess Culture. Especially here in the United States.
It’s just that Guess Culture is more socially taxing and subtle, and neurodivergents have a more difficult time with it. Surprise! It’s almost like complex social structures are their Achilles Heel.
My family comes from Asking Culture, and it took me forever to conform to Guess Culture. It’s not cuz I’m “autistic,” thanks. I could go more into why I believe, personally, that Guess Culture needs dismantling, but that’s a soap box for another time.
This makes quite a bit of sense. Personally, I haven’t experienced this much although it might just be because I’m from Australia and not the US and Guess Culture might not be as prevalent here. That or my tendency to take things literally means I never pick up on it in the first place. I find that it’s less of a social error (with my neurotypical friends anyway) to say “hey mind if I join you?” if I want to do something with the other person. On the other hand though I was taught that it was impolite to invite yourself to join someone’s activity or to invite yourself over to their house so yeah basically communication is just really weird.
shame on you for encouraging me! I’m so lazy with my plants!
(but also thank you very much – I like making vegetation abstract/can’t be bothered to draw leaves, and it’s super gratifying to hear that folk are into that)
Why do flamingos stand on one leg? Flamingo researchers get asked this question all the time. But why flamingos ever bother standing on two may be the bigger puzzle, new research suggests.
Researchers learned more from the whole bodies of a few dead Caribbean flamingos that a zoo had donated to them. “The ‘ah-ha!’ moment was when I said, ‘Wait, let’s look at it in a vertical position,’” Ting remembers. All of a sudden, the bird specimen settled naturally into a one-legged lollipop stance. There was no way a dead bird could be putting muscle effort into keeping that position. So the body must have some built-in ways to hold this stance without effort.
Taking its name from one of the longest living trees in the Arizona desert, the 129,000-acre Ironwood Forest National Monument is a true Sonoran Desert showcase. 🌵 Keeping company with the ironwood trees are mesquite, palo verde, creosote, and saguaro – blanketing the monument floor beneath rugged mountain ranges named Silver Bell, Waterman and Sawtooth. In between, desert valleys lay quietly to complete the setting. The national monument also contains habitat for the cactus ferruginous pygmy owl and desert bighorn sheep dwelling, which makes hiking, wildlife watching and photography favorite activities in this desert jewel. Photo by Bob Wick, @mypubliclands.
You are worthy even if you cannot work or hold a job
You are worthy even if you cannot support yourself.
You are worthy even if you cost your loved ones a lot of money because of your medical care
you are worthy even if you are homeless
How you are treated speaks to the people in power and their priorities, not your inherent worth as a human being. You are beautiful, special, and important & your life matters. I know you didn’t ask to be sick or disabled, and anything that happened bc of that is not your fault. I love you ❤
Me, searching my body: where’s the charging cord on this thing
Physical illnesses are not worse than mental illnesses.
Mental illnesses are not worse than physical illnesses.
This is not a competition of who suffers more. We can do so much more together than we can apart.
Personally, I love each and every one of you. I will defend you to the fucking last, my friends.
My immune system: what the FUCK are those
My brain: ???? those are essential organs ?????
My immune system: well idgaf what they are them bitches getting fucked over
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
You must be logged in to post a comment.