I remember, one time at summer camp we were having a camp-wide “party” (we were served in the camp meeting hall instead of the dining hall, and there were tablecloths), and part of dessert was opening fortune cookies (no, the food was not “Asian” themed).
And I opened my cookie and the message read: “You need to learn to have more fun.” I thought it was utter codswallop, because“fun” was the only reason I did anything.
But when I read the fortune out loud, there was a chorus of voices saying the message was perfect for me, because all I ever did in my free time was read the dictionary, or encyclopedia, and I never did anything fun at all.
My protests of: “But reading the dictionary is fun, to me!” were mocked. Not even the adult counselors said anything in my defense (though I realize now that those “adults” were very likely a lot younger than we imagined them).
This memory came back to me after umpteen years because I was thinking about how I can be asexual and sex-positive at the same time. I, personally, may indifferent to the thought of getting squelchy with another person. But, apparently, a lot of other people find a great deal of joy and fulfillment in the act. So – for them – I think sex is great (as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual). The world can always use more joy and fulfillment.
And the anti-asexual rhetoric of insisting that you have to include sex in a relationship in order for it to be “committed” and “meaningful” reminds me of those kids at summer camp who were convinced that the only way to have fun is to be loud.
And the more I thought about it, I realized that we keep doing it throughout our culture – whether it’s insisting that people have to drink alcohol at a party, or have to have sex in a committed relationship, or whether it’s trying to shame someone for liking kids’ cartoons, or liking a musician who uses auto-tune.
As long as someone’s happiness is not at the expense of another person – support them.
I applaud you, Celeste Wohl. Nobody can tell your story better than you can so I’m not going to say anything else about your circumstances except that you have my utmost respect and sympathy.
I just want to express my dismay that a post like this one is even needed in this day and age. The idea of anyone being forced to run the gauntlet of aggressive protestors, to be forced to act in subterfuge as though she’s doing something shameful, when she is going through the emotionally traumatic process of an abortion – something she’s tormented herself about, judged herself over and will probably still wonder about until her dying day, because make no mistake, the woman who blithely uses abortion as birth control is probably one in a gazillion – it’s just repellent to me.
No woman should ever be forced to justify to ANYONE BUT HERSELF why she decides to have an abortion. EVER.
Personal confession time:
I had an abortion 15 years ago. No, I wasn’t underage. No, the pregnancy wasn’t the result of sexual assault. No, my life wasn’t in danger. No, I wasn’t even single. My choice was made for reasons that are nobody’s business but mine (and my partner’s, since he was a key element of the decision making process). Since then I’ve had two children. I’ve also had a miscarriage. And yes, I still grieve over that miscarried child. Yes, it did make me re-evaluate the decision I made years earlier, especially as the miscarriage came before the healthy pregnancies.
I still believe – I still KNOW – I made the right decision.
You might disagree. That’s OK – you’re entitled to your opinion. But you’re not me. You will never know who I was then or what I went through to make that decision. All you need to know is that it was my right to make it.
And I am so, so grateful that my termination was carried out safely, legally, in a secure and non-judgemental medical environment, into which I walked in the light of day without having to walk through a picket line. Everybody – no matter their circumstances – should have the right to that.
*Obligatory ray-minder that freshwater stingrays are venomous animals that grow to large sizes and are not suitable for the majority of people to keep in home aquaria*
I really appreciate the more specific advice at the bottom, not that I’m even an artist, but just being told “practice” is super unhelpful if you don’t know what in particular you should be practising and especially if you are worried that you might be practising WRONG and entrenching bad habits.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
You must be logged in to post a comment.