Actually, my Mamaw apparently started out as a Margie on paper. Then she got hold of a teacher in like 2nd grade who insisted that tacky nicknames would not be tolerated in her classroom, and her name must properly be Marjorie. (Never mind what was on the actual rolls.)
She had no real reason to doubt that, and kept using Marjorie for official purposes from then on.
So, eventually she needed to apply for a passport (I think it was)–and found that her documents didn’t match up! Apparently the easiest way to get that sorted out was a legal name change to make it match.
So yeah, this one snotty teacher managed to cause more than a little unnecessary hassle and expense probably 20 years down the road. By insisting she knew what other people’s names were better than they did.
the dodo might hold the crown as the most famous extinct animal, and granted, they deserve it. they were the first species that humans acknowledged they had led to the extinction of. that’s a really significant title! but comparatively speaking, the death of a species of fat flightless pigeon with no natural predator on a tiny island isn’t half as horrifying as what happened to passenger pigeons.
the sheer scale at which these birds existed, and their subsequent extinction, is something i cannot wrap my head around. i know what happened – i’ve read novels upon novels about this, i’ve seen the pictures, i know all the details, but the more i think about it the more i realise i can’t possibly process it to its fullest extent because i wasn’t there. i didn’t live through that. i’ll never be able to fully understand how sudden it was.
these birds were over 5 billion strong at their peak. when they travelled, they allegedly blacked out the sun for thirty minutes at a time. they formed rivers in the sky, and there’s art and record of this from dozens of people. it wasn’t just one person’s poetic interpretation. these birds existed in an overwhelming quantity, and no doubt because of that that people took them for granted.
they were plentiful. they were obnoxiously plentiful, and yet humans took them out so cleanly and quickly and efficiently that from this species, from this five billion-strong species, we have only a single picture of a passenger pigeon squab.
these birds faded out of existence in the span of someone’s lifetime.
It was inevitable that the neural network, having named all kinds of internet datasets, should turn its talents to naming cats.
And what an occasion! The AFK Cat Rescue of Huntsville, Alabama contacted me because they had an exceptionally adorable bunch of kittens (plus one magnificent Persian) who need names and homes. June is kitten season here in the USA, so shelters are inundated with new kittens right now, and AFK takes the very high-risk cases, kittens who are too small to survive in regular shelters, or who are sick or injured, or have neurological disorders.
To be sure, the AFK Cat Rescue’s kitten-naming game is strong. They’ve got a black and orange kitten pair named Shere Khan and Bagheera, and they have another pair of cats named Grindylow and Pooka. With their full list of the several hundred cat names they’ve used over the years, plus the list of several thousand cats registered in Toronto (thanks to Tumblr user @maverick-ornithography), I had comfortably enough to train a neural network with.
I fired up my trusty karpathy-char-rnn neural network framework, and sat down to watch it learn.
“Very good,” I said. “Coming right along. Nice work on Aarla, maybe not try so hard on Teaw Mos Tilypsronvynkor.” I said all this to myself, of course, because the neural network operates entirely without my input once training starts. I can shout “No, you fool!” at it all day if I like and it ignores me perfectly.
Soon, however, I began to notice that quite a few of these cats had last names, and sounded actually rather grand.
Jarlag Argon Mankith Cuttim Aeggerooy Jozga Andend of Karlans Irtenda of Tiyra Sittrobt Torg? Arten Sword Lord Magian Welu-the Manwys Parihen the Thawk Haldir of the Saleword Barga Mr. Yetheract Belfine Bracken Belis Goodbrook Bentone Ballywood Grim Wyyne Gorihand Molgo
I had, as it turned out, accidentally trained the neural network on another dataset, a list of character names from Tolkien, George R. R. Martin, C. S. Lewis, Robert E Howard, and Terry Pratchett (sent in by reader Thomas Pugh).
AFK Cat Rescue, however, decided to roll with it. First neural network kitten: Parihen the Thawk!
Parihen the Thawk: This guy was surrendered to an animal shelter after he hitched a ride in the engine of a car. He had a dislocated leg but it’s healing well with rest. He’s shy, tiny and misses his bff who is in the hospital right now for her much worse injuries. He’s got a lot of energy and loves to show off his belly.
I finally got the neural network training on the proper dataset, but I was worried when, by the time I went to bed it was producing literally the following names over and over:
Hurter Hurler Hunty Hurty Hunter Hurker
Some who are not so fond of cats may argue that these are in fact the best cat names. Fortunately for the AFK Cat Rescue, the names did eventually become more suitable. I present to you:
Jexley Pickle – This little girl is a hoot and a half. She’s full of energy, bounce and comedy. She loves to nurse on ear lobes and finger tips. She’s about 6 weeks old and was found after being chased up a tree by a dog.
Mag Jeggles – When you touch him he rattles from head to tail with purrs. He’s so sweet. He was simply too young to be made available for adoption, and was rescued from a shelter that could not care for him.
Snox Boops – He was in a room with a lot of kittens that were too small to place up for adoption and even much smaller than the others in the room. When you pick him up he capsizes in your hands and starts purring. He’s got a huge voice and a huge demand for love and attention.
Mumcake – She was brought into a shelter as a stray, but she was too young for adoption and if she wasn’t pulled by rescue she would have been subject for euthanasia. She’s adorable, loving, outgoing and shoots sunshine right out of her butt. (Sunshine ejection not shown; you have AFK’s word for it.)
Tilly Mapper – This little girl also took a ride in a car engine and her rear leg was nearly completely severed as a result. She’s been stitched up but she’s had an infection set in. She is only around 8 weeks old and she’s in very poor body condition from having tried to make it on the streets. We hospitalized her yesterday and she’s doing much better. We hope to have her back to foster home by Friday.
Big Wiggy Bool – He is a doll-faced persian that was surrendered to a kill shelter when his family could not take him on their cross country move. He’s five years old and has obviously been doted on. He’s super affectionate, very easy going and a talker! He’s been recently groomed and trimmed up by Robyn Warner with Goin to the Dogs and Cats Mobile Grooming Service. And he loves belly rubs. Rubbing that fluffy, soft belly is an experience so wonderful it can only be discussed in breathless whispers.
Photos of the above cats by volunteer Amy Harrell.
And, since it IS kitten season, the neural network is happy to provide a list of cat names (some more usable than others), for use in naming cats, computer servers, firstborn, etc.
Jeckle Elbent Jenderina Roober Snorp Snox Boops Cylon Sookabear Frere Sonney Mrow Jexley Pickle Marper Foppin Toby Booch Snowpie Big Wiggy Bool Macha Boo Mr Whinkles Timble Macfallon Machaka Licky Cat Mr Bincheh Macnaw Maxy Fay Tim Hike Mr Gruffles Grips Liony Oli Lingo Lingley Conkie Lasley Goo Mr Took Linky Marvish Mag Jeggles Corko Maggin Mcguntton Mara Tatters Mr Tiggie Mr. Skuffles Mr. Hinkles Mush Jam Tilly-Mapper Mr. Jubble Mumcake Muppin Mr O
This isn’t really a fuck anyone, just something that happened and I want to share with others out there so maybe they’ll also start doing the same.
So I’m a cashier, and recently I had noticed that when I have a blind customer who pays with cash, each bill is folded differently so they can feel which bill is which. After noticing that, I decided to start handing each bill one at a time based on type of bill, and letting them know which bill I’m handing them.(I’ll give them their 10, then their 5, then tell them I’ve giving them their two 1s, giving them the chance to finish putting away the previous bill before I give them the next one)
Every single time I’ve done this, I’ve had them be happy and surprised and complimentary, about how that was really nice and useful and how I must have experience to know to do that. Today I had a customer say “Now if everyone was more like you, the world would be a much better place. So many times, the cashier will just shove all the change and receipt at me!”
Until I had put together the dots of how they had all of their bills folded differently, I never would have even thought about it before. It was just chance that I noticed it, and decided to try handing the change back differently.
So, not really a fuck customers. Maybe more of a fuck ableism? And maybe with other people reading this, they might start doing the same and making things a bit easier for their blind customers when it comes to change.
Yes, this is a really good thing to do, and if you’re a cashier in america, you should definitely do this.
I do want to point out that basically every other developed country has notes that are different sizes, precisely so that blind people can tell if they’re getting the right change. This is a good interim measure, but not being able to distinguish between notes is not a fundamental feature of blindness, it’s a feature of a currency made only for sighted people.
Everyone should be able to use currency. That’s the most basic form of participation in society. Designing notes that certain people can’t use easily is excluding those people from society, and making them financially vulnerable.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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