It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.
That changes today.
“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.
Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.
“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“
Suddenly, silence.
1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.
A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice.
He is moved.
“Aight”.
My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.
All I can hear is heavy breathing.
“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”
There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.
“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”
“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.
“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”
He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”
“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.
The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.
“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.
I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.
me: hey treasure your significant other who is in my case a woman because i am a lesbian some absolute goon on this website who’s looking for a fight: why do you hate men
I keep seeing this fucking argument about trans people using bathrooms like “Well if that had been an option for me back in the day I totally would’ve signed up as a ‘trans-whatever’ to get into the girls’ locker room back in high school” (Yeah, the fuckwit on FB I saw earlier actually said ‘trans-whatever’).
Like, you really, genuinely think that you, as a 16 year old presumably straight teenage boy would have changed your name, requested everyone you know call you by different pronouns, changed your entire wardrobe and look, went to school presenting yourself as a girl, dealt with the bullshit you would likely have gotten from your parents, family, friends, classmates, teachers, doctors, neighbors, people on the street, and rearranged your entire life…
Because you maybe, might have possibly caught a glimpse of a titty in the locker room?
Yeah, it’s clearly the trans people we should be worried about.
I always find it interesting that they seem to think that declaring “Given the opportunity I absolutely would have been a sexual predator” is a defense of their position.
I always find it interesting that they seem to think that declaring “Given the opportunity I absolutely would have been a sexual predator” is a defense of their position.
I am just going to save this, modify pronouns as needed, and use it as a response to this. Forever.
Fun Vampire Fact; the reason that Vampires traditionally cannot see their reflections in a mirror is because mirrors used to be backed with a reflective layer of silver — which, as the metal of purity, would not ‘interact’ with Vampires, who are the Devil’s work.
However, modern mirrors have used aluminum as their reflective backing for many years now — and aluminum is not a ‘picky’ metal at all. So Vampires are able to see their reflections in modern mirrors.
All I can think about is a vampire used to not seeing their reflection in mirrors for centuries, and one day they are just walking along and unknowingly pass a mirror backed with aluminum and THEY NEARLY SHIT THEMSELVES.
I accidentally knocked this plant over a couple of weeks ago, and the top broke off.
So, I decided to just try sticking that into the soil too, hoping it would root. (Looking pretty good so far… *fingers crossed*) And hoped that the bare stem might grow more leaves.
Yeah, that seems to be working out more successfully than I imagined!
It really wants to grow. Guess I’ll wait and see how it continues to develop, and maybe eventually need to thin out some of those new shoots.
“Yesterday morning this Shire colt decided to try to enter this world with only his head first.
We got him and his legs sorted out and here he is.
His mother Warley Katrina (by Moorfield Edward) has been incredibly brave and we hope she will recover well.
This colt is the biggest foal we have ever seen, pictured at a few hours old.”
for ppl who dont know me i am Very Ill and i have spent the last year being sick or being in treatment for being sick. i have no job no income and my food stamps were cut off because i’m not working. i’m currently trying to get back on my feet – get a job, become more independent, etc – but i need help to be able to get there.
if you want to help, my paypal is bonescollide@hotmail.com
i really appreciate anything you can give. like i said a big chunk of what i need is stuff like bus money and laundry money so even if you can only spare a little bit of money it will still go a long way!! thank you
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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