Day: November 16, 2017

funereal-disease:

maybesimon:

funereal-disease:

It’s interesting how most reblogs of my post yesterday seemed to latch onto the hug angle, when I definitely don’t consider that the most salient part of what I was saying.

What I think is much more integral to the entitlement paradigm I proposed is the *emotional* intimacy. I’m talking about the subjects that women are assumed to want to engage in by virtue of being “one of the girls”. I can’t even tell you how many I’ve been in a group of women I don’t know very well and someone has started talking about her period, or her body issues, or some other very personal thing I’m supposed to be interested in because we share the same anatomy. You know the part in Mean Girls where Cady is expected to share something she hates about herself? Yeah, that really does happen. It’s bonding by struggle session.

And this structure has been imported to much of feminist activism. This makes sense; a movement organized mostly by women will likely incorporate feminine norms. It’s also probably a net good. I don’t want to dismantle this structure at the expense of people who find it helpful. What I want is to point out that it’s an axis of conformity that many women don’t even consider that they might be enforcing. It is a competing needs issue, and the people whose needs compete with it are often marginalized in some way.

So much of feminism spins on this explicitly confessional axis. Everyone talk about your assaults, everyone talk about your body issues, everyone bleed all over a room of strangers so that their consciousness may be raised and sororal bonds reiterated. I don’t have a problem with environments like this *existing*, but I have a huge problem with how they’re implicitly and often explicitly assumed to be “safe”. “It’s okay, it’s just us girls. We’re here to support you.” There’s no explanation of why exactly I should accept support from people who are strangers in every aspect but their gender. The intimacy is assumed. And yeah, that’s a pretty significant form of entitlement! I don’t think it’s meaningfully different from the entitlement that some men express toward women’s sexuality: it’s assuming access purely on the basis of gender. It’s just that the one is called a violation while the other is called a sisterhood.

Oh, this brings back memories. Like, it’s painful when you are assumed to be in-group when you are actually out-group, when others think that you are one of them, so of course you’re also on board with this immediate access thing. On the one hand, you are glad that the others don’t tread you as the outgroup (like that whole, ‘two girls are wearing the same sweater and one of them is popular so her friends make fun of the other girl, carefully saying “that sweater makes HER look fat”), but it’s also difficult because you feel like you’re betraying yourself by sitting still to let someone attack you with a fucking eyelash curler, because if you say something without a “legitimate” excuse, you’ll be out.

I don’t know. It feels like on the one hand, this entitlement to access is good, because it makes it easier to do things (hang out, form bonds, etc.), but on the other hand, it also results in a weird sense of walking a tightrope. You are expected to share your feelings, but only those that are acceptable to the rest of the group. This applies to every group, of course, but this is worse because you can’t refuse and if you walk away you lose your social bonds.

Story of my fucking life right here. Because yeah – it feels *good* to be assumed in-group! It’s a thrill to belong! But it’s the kind of uneasy good feeling that you get when you’re catcalled – sometimes you can’t help but be flattered, but you emphatically do not endorse the context in which it’s occuring.

And it *is* good for forming bonds. That’s the uneasy truth. I like that it’s okay for me to compliment a fellow drunk girl’s hair in the bathroom. I like that we can take a minute comparing dye jobs. I think men are often that much lonelier because those situations are not available to them. But I will always be aware of what the cost is.

House Republicans pass tax plan

justsomeantifas:

ballbuster-keaton:

justsomeantifas:

so, this is just another step in them getting closer to fucking over students. 

I’m sure yall have seen the post about how this bill will over tax graduate students getting a stipend, making it nearly impossible to go to school if you don’t have some alternative form of income [like rich parents anyone??]

So great, they’re just out here pushing as hard as they can to fuck students over as badly as possible 

these fuckers dont want yall getting an education unless you’re already rich, these fuckers want to see you dead in the street and that’s ALL this bill shows me honestly.

If this had been implemented when I was a graduate student, I would have had to leave my program. It’s hard enough to do graduate school as a working class person. This bill will make it nearly impossible.

It’s so devastating. It is genuinely devastating.

House Republicans pass tax plan

drawing-bored:

mutiescum:

femmewitchbabe:

Posters from the fight against HIV/AIDS

Remember our history. Our discourse cannot be sound without it. This is our legacy.

i’m pretty sure i’ve reblogged this before, but i’m gonna go ahead and do it again because the late ‘80s / early ‘90s were fucking terrifying. queer rights was literally a life and death struggle.

GoFundMe: Click here to support Blackfoot Language startup fund. organized by Terrill Tailfeathers

allthecanadianpolitics:

This account was set up to raise funds for a Blackfoot Language program to assist in saving the Blackfoot Language and to purchase computer and sound and video editing equipment. Our group hopes to produce video and audio content for educational purposes and for use in the schools where Blackfoot is spoken. We would also like to produce a radio program for the new Calgary Indigenous radio station that will be on air in the coming months. Please donate to this worthy cause as it is important that the Indigenous Languages in Canada are preserved for future generations. Hopefully with this initiative we will help the younger generation of Blackfoot children gain fluency in the Blackfoot language.

–

Submitted by prejuiviastel.

GoFundMe: Click here to support Blackfoot Language startup fund. organized by Terrill Tailfeathers

oxfordcommaforever:

han-syolo-shot-first:

bubblegumsith:

cosmic-noir:

twowandsandadrink:

ashkinator:

politicalsexmaskitten:

hooraychelle:

yellowxperil:

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

it’s a f***ing trap

F***ing hate dudes forreal.

too many f***ing times ugh

Story time.

One day I was on the MAX (basically a giant street car that goes all over the metro area) on my way to meet up with a few friends. I didn’t look at anyone, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just stood to the side on my phone making sure I wasn’t going to be late to my meeting.

Out of no where, this guy comes up to me and starts to chat me up. Me, being who I am, am absolutely terrified to tell this guy to f*** off. He was at least half a foot taller than me, and was way too bulky for me to fight back. So I suck it up at humor him, say hello. Before introducing himself or asking me for my name, he asks me out on a date. Not wanting to piss him off I try to make light of the situation and I laugh, telling him that my boyfriend wouldn’t like the idea, but thank you for the offer. He just shrugs and says, “He doesn’t need to know.”

At this point I’m scared out of my mind. There’s this guy who, after seeing me run two blocks to catch the train, comes up to me and has made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t going to leave without getting something out of me.

I deny him a second time, saying, “I don’t even know you’re name. We’re strangers, I don’t know you.” He finally introduces himself and asks me for my phone number. I tell him I don’t give my number out to people I’ve just met and he says, “Fine, but at least take mine so we can meet up later.” So he watches me plug his number into my phone (which I deleted as soon as I knew I was safe and away from him) as we’re pulling up to my stop. I tell him I need to leave and switch trains and he tells me, “Oh, I’ll wait with you. I don’t have any plans, so I’m in no rush.” It’s important to note what at this point he had previously told me that he was late to a job interview, but he has all the time in the world because he still hasn’t gotten what he wanted from me; a yes.

I get off of the train and he follows me, and waits at the platform with me for over ten minutes until my train arrives, asking me all sorts of personal questions about where I live and where I was going that day. As soon as the train pulls up he grabs for me and says, “Do I at least get a hug before you go?”

I was terrified. I was embarrassed. This dude, who before even asking me for my name asks me out on a date and then continues to harass me after I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks me for a hug only fifteen minutes after meeting. People around us were staring at me, as if I was being rude for denying him, and every inch of me was mortified. I wanted to run, but I felt like if I had done that he would have chased after me and things would have gotten worse. So I did, and he squeezed me so tight I felt like I was going to burst. It took me a good ten seconds to get him to let go and I ran to the train car just as the doors were closing. He was trying to get me to miss my train so I would have to wait with him even longer. I would have been stuck there for over a half an hour until the next train came by, and the platform (aside from the few buses coming by) was now COMPLETELY EMPTY. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he knew EXACTLY how to get me alone with him.

People, if you are in a situation like this do not feel obligated to give in. If someone is making you uncomfortable and asks to touch you in any way, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YES. Make excuses, be blunt, just straight up say ‘no’. If possible, go to someone else near by who you think can help you and ask them to help you. It’s important for guys to learn that they can’t get what they want just by asking over and over again.

I got lucky. But not everyone does. Please, everyone, Be Safe.

SECOND STORY TIME

So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.

Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?” 

This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that. 

AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-

“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.

So this is the second lesson for yall. If you can not have the courage to say no or make an excuse, cry. Let out those sobs and tears and cry your heart out. Because it is going to make people notice and make people aware.

Reblogging for that second story. This might save a life.

I just wanna note that bus drivers can be really amazing and good ones do look out for their riders.

Also, as an additional tip (in case you cannot cry on command or such), you can say, “No, because you’re creepy/creeping me out” and if he persists or tries to laugh it off, say “I do not want to be touched” and look at one of the strangers/persons that is watching.

It:
1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help.
2. Contains words so that if you’re in a public place but people aren’t necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some people’s attention.
3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.

Hopes this also helps, guys, and I’m so sad that this has to even be a post we need.

Dudes who follow me: 1) reblog this 2) don’t be the creepy guy who asks random women for hugs 3) be aware of your friends or random creepy dudes and call them out if they act gross towards girls/womem

3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.

Just to expand on this point: a certain subset of the more aggressive creeps are basically just looking for any excuse to take out more aggression on someone. Far from backing down, they will sometimes target people whose response they expect to give them that excuse.

Which is not to say that nobody should confront them anyway.

But, it is probably good to keep in mind that they may well try to escalate instead of backing off, and be prepared for that eventuality.

(Personally, I seem to be constitutionally incapable of not getting into it with people like that, which is kinda how I know. )

Source: yellowxperil