The Myth of the Male Bumbler





As a man who frequently worries about the apparent ease with which I could stumble into accidentally hurting women, it is a great relief to consider the possibility that the people who profess to blunder into sexual harassment may be fucking liars. Maybe my lifetime track record of zero hilarious molestation mishaps isn’t a lucky coincidence. Maybe I can have an unlimited number of cordial conversations with women without tripping over my tongue into an outrage.

The patriarchy hurts everyone, indeed…

i think my female followers might be surprised that a story like this fills men with relief, but yeah, it is good to know that these ‘accidental’ villains are playing dumb as part of their scheming bullshit.

i mean, there’s times when you get surprise privelege-checked upside the face and it hurts like hell, i’m not denying we can be sexist by accident and cry when we get called on it, nobody likes a sudden guilt+scolding combo and not everyone will be a grownup about it. but that gets conflated with these stories of sexual misconduct, and it’s terrifying.

so it’s actually really comforting to understand that sex criminals promote that conflation on purpose to protect themselves. it’s not something we have to buy into.

you won’t sexually assault someone by accident. these assholes know they got told no, and consciously chose to ignore it.

yeah it’s like the ‘helpless creep’ who ‘doesn’t know any better’. truly awkward men are awkward to other men too! they misread cues and get into conflicts with *all* their peers. but predators use the *appearance* of haplessness to ignore women’s social signals and tresspass all over their boundaries, then play the victim when women get mad, and other men give them a pass cuz the predator hasn’t bothered *them*.

“There’s a reason for this plague of know-nothings: The bumbler’s perpetual amazement exonerates him. Incompetence is less damaging than malice. And men — particularly powerful men — use that loophole like corporations use off-shore accounts. The bumbler takes one of our culture’s most muscular myths — that men are clueless — and weaponizes it into an alibi.”

Very relevant: Meet The Predators

From the conclusions:

Second, the sometimes-floated notion that acquaintance rape is simply a mistake about consent, is wrong. (See Amanda Hess’s excellent takedown here.) The vast majority of the offenses are being committed by a relatively small group of men, somewhere between 4% and 8% of the population, who do it again … and again … and again. That just doesn’t square with the notion of innocent mistake. Further, since the repeaters are also responsible for a hugely disproportionate share of the intimate partner violence, child beating and child sexual abuse, the notion that these predators are somehow confused good guys does not square with the data. Most of the raping is done by guys who like to rape, and to abuse, assault and violate. If we could get the one-in-twelve or one-in-25 repeat rapists out of the population (that is a lot of men — perhaps six or twelve million men in the U.S. alone) or find a way to stop them from hurting others, most sexual assault, and a lot of intimate partner violence and child abuse, would go away. Really.

(Also: Predator Redux)

Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer

The same seems to apply to just about any type of creepy predatory behavior. It’s all a matter of degrees, and as they say abusive behaviors do tend to run together.

The major problem is coming from a relatively small percentage of hardcore repeat predators who are aware their attentions are unwanted and just don’t care about the harm they’re doing–not bumblers accidentally violating boundaries.

As Cliff Pervocracy put it in an older post (We are the 95%):

The one big lie at the center of all these little lies is: “If you were in my place, you could have done the same.”…

So when you hear all the totally plausible ways it could have been you, realize: nope, probably couldn’t have been. Most people don’t struggle not to commit rape… just as the vast majority of people don’t have trouble restraining themselves from torture or murder…

This is part of why I talk about consent so much. It’s not just to keep well-intentioned guys from accidentally raping. Most well-intentioned guys don’t really have that problem. It’s to help well-intentioned guys (and girls, and everyone else) see how vast the gulf is between them and rapists.

If affirmative, negotiated, freely given consent is the norm, then rapists lose the ability to say “I just didn’t know.” They can no longer make anyone think “but regular sex looks practically the same.” If romance doesn’t work a damn thing like rape, rapists can’t hide behind “I was trying to be romantic.”

Again, the same applies to harassment. And it keeps coming up whenever a known serial harasser’s patterns of behavior gets public attention. This endless focus on the potential for bumbling and legitimate misunderstandings just offers the hardcore predators plausible deniability. The rest of us don’t have to go along with that and help preserve that cover.

The Myth of the Male Bumbler





so who else gets irrationally afraid and embarrassed about their interests being known to people in real life

#i’m not embarrassed but#i hate the thought of having to guard what i love#and defend any of my interests to others#people are the worst i don’t want them to know me

I call this “residual anxiety from being bullied for everything that made me even slightly unusual every day in junior high.”

I’m actually afraid of said person being a fan of my interests but being the kind of fan i actively avoid online

Wall Street and Trump are about to kill the CFPB, the only government agency that effectively polices bank scams, crimes and frauds



The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (previously) is practically the only US regulator we can be proud of – founded by Elizabeth Warren before she ran for the Senate, the CFRB is a consumer protection agency that has been at the forefront of reining in criminal activities like Wells Fargo’s nationwide frauds and Equifax’s dox attack on the USA, as well as being the best defense Americans have against predatory loan-sharks masquerading as “payday lenders,” abusive debt-collectors, racial discrimination in lending, and the student loan racket.

So naturally big business and Trump hate it.

Last month, the GOP reversed the CFRB rule that ensured that Americans could sue banks that defrauded them, but that was just for starters.

Now, CFRB director Richard Cordray is stepping down, likely in a bid for to be the next governor of Ohio, and his departure is a dream come true for the likes of Ted Cruz, who called the consumer protection agency “an out-of-control bureaucracy” and introduced legislation to abolish it; it’s also great news for Senator Ben Sasse [R-NE] who said that “King Richard” should be fired.

The CFRB has been buried in an avalanche of frivolous, well-funded lawsuits, while the likes of Breitbart has whipped up its low-information base to call for the demise of the bureau. These alt-right hordes have been supplemented by massive, well-funded astroturf efforts that also offered huge paydays to the likes of Newt Gingrich.

There are unbelievably large pools of dark money sloshing around in the fight to kill the CFRB. Organizations like the “U.S. Consumers Coalition” won’t reveal their funders and their principal competitors for anti-CFRB is “Protect America’s Consumers,” whose funders are also a secret. But their attack-ads, deceptive reports, and planted news stories are very visible indeed.




hi everyone


unfortunately i was let go from my job today for something really arbitrary and stupid. im a trans woman whos been there for 2 years and in that 2 years ive never encountered such blatant transphobia, homophobia, racism and straight ignorance than ANY job ive ever had. i dont want to get into the details but im really scared and was not expecting this so for the time being (while i wait for unemployment) if you have any money you can spare so i can pay my bills and rent, all of which i still havent been able to pay this month, my squarecash is$veryumcool and my venmo is @zoebrockett and my paypal is, if you could at least just pass this on it would mean a lot to me. thank you








They’re trying to increase taxes on everyone but the wealthy. #KilltheBill

It passed the House yesterday. Time to target the Senate.

Things this bill will do:

Make it almost unaffordable for many people to go to grad school by taxing your tuition waver (this would mean a grad student at a private university would spend 40% of their stipend on taxes)

Repeal the Obamacare mandate making insurance less affordable

Increase taxes on people making less than 70k/year

Save Trump’s family a literal billion dollars

Give a tax break for owning a private jet.

Guys remember resistbot is still a thing!! Text RESIST to 50409 and get moving!!

A tax on tuition wavers? The hell….

@wetwareproblem @vaspider @thebibliosphere

I’ve been calling. Call or fax!