andneverforgives:

madgastronomer:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

Also, to any men reading my posts who are horrified and want to know how they can help—offer to go with your female friends and relatives to appointments. Explain to them you’ve been reading about medical neglect towards women and let them know that if they ever want emotional support, you are there for them.

No, really, you have no idea how differently doctors react when there is a man in the room. Some female doctors will give ETD the side-eye and try to find ways to ask if I am okay (which, bless them) but once they are made aware that he is there at my request for emotional support, they are perfectly happy to have him there, and don’t talk to him unless I need them to. 

Male doctors? Whole other ball game. They spot him sitting there and their whole demeanor shifts, and if they do talk over me to him, he quickly sets them right and doesn’t engage in their misogynistic comments, he just stares them down and steps in if he thinks I am being gaslighted, words and phrases like “is this the usual treatment for symptoms like this?” forces the doctor to explain usually what they’d do for him, at which point I am able to ask “so why am I not being sent for XYZ testing/why am I not being prescribed pain treatment?”

But also remember, you are there to be my ally, not to tell the doctor what you think is wrong with me, but to make them pay attention to me. Direct the conversation back to me, and if it’s not working, repeat exactly what I am saying and make them listen.

It’s entirely fucked up, but your mere presence could mean the difference between misdiagnosis and proper medical treatment.

And just because I am seeing it in the tags “#this shit doesn’t happen with female doctors” oh it absolutely fucking does.

Misogyny in the medical world is fucking ingrained. It’s in the very teachings of modern medicine.

Some of my worst gynecological experiences were at the hands of other women who thought I was bullshitting my pain levels when it comes to certain procedures and illnesses. 

I’ve been told to “stop making a fuss” while I have screamed on the table from a speculum insertion (by the way, HUGE warning sign there is something majorly wrong with your muscle walls, pain upon insertion is not “normal” do not accept it if they tell you agony is normal upon insertion of anything) for a “routine” exam. And to give you some idea of my pain tolerance levels, I’ve had two root canals without anesthesia (cause 

anesthesia doesn’t work for me) and I breathed deeply through them. I left nail marks in the chair and had to tap out a few times for a rest, but I’ve never screamed and shot out the chair like I was being murdered.

I’ve had female doctors tisk at my medical file and tell me I want to “get myself together”, like I’m having an autoimmune collapse for funsies. I’ve had female doctors tell me I “just need to have a baby” because that will “calm me down” and also “what does your husband thing of all this?”

Which speaking of, I’ve also had female doctors turn to my husband and say “wow you sure are good to be coping well with this” like eXCUSE YOU, HE’S NOT THE ONE WHOSE BODY IS EATING ITSELF ALIVE???!! BUT OKAY, SURE, I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO “BE MORE POSITIVE AND TAKE A TYLENOL”. OKAY THEN. 
(also as an aside: if they do ask your male friend/loved one to leave the room to ensure your safety and you aren’t being controlled, remember to ask for him to be brought back in. Sometimes they “forget” and you’re left on your own again)

And all of this? All those things I posted up there? Those apply to white women as well. 

Women of color and women with disabilities, are more likely to be neglected and gaslighted than cis white able bodied women are—and we (I use the term losely when it comes to able bodied re: myself, heh) already get the short end of the stick when it comes to appropriate medical care. Be aware of your fellow women (all your sisters, not just your cisters) and if you are in a position to offer help and go to appointments and sit in on exams, know that it would be greatly appreciated. 

And again, remember, it is not your place to talk over your friend, this is not about you or what you think is wrong.

This is about you using your privilege by your mere presence alone, to make sure your friend is going to get adequate medical care, whether it’s pain management or diagnosis. 

Be a witness and hold those in the medical industry accountable for their neglect and actions against the vulnerable. Because by gods no one else will.

Fat women are also grossly mistreated.

I went to the ER a few weeks ago because of severe leg pain (it turned out to be nothing more than a Leg Cramp from Hell, but it was bad enough that I was worried it might be a DVT). I was hurting enough to overcome my deep-seated fear and hatred of emergency rooms, borne, in part, from past mistreatment. (A nurse once laughed in my face when I asked for a set of crutches for a sprained ankle, saying they had nothing to give me that wouldn’t immediately break under my massive weight.)

The trip wasn’t a pleasant one, but I was treated with far more dignity and respect than I’ve been in the past, I think in large part because of the presence of my roommate, a slim white man who was sympathetic to my condition. (When I went to the ER for the sprained ankle I was accompanied by a “friend,” a thin woman who kept making fun of me for making a big deal over nothing. She apologized a few days later after her mother told her that a sprain can hurt worse than a break, but I suspect her eye-rolling and snark emboldened that asshole nurse.)

Anyway, yes, if you are a woman, especially if you are also part of another marginalized population, and you know a white man who’s a good friend and a good ally, USE HIM.

(Also stop being friends with people who don’t take you or your pain seriously until someone they respect more than you backs you up in some way. You already have doctors to do that sort of thing for you.)