Day: November 13, 2018

Millennials are treating pets like ‘their firstborn child,’ and it’s reportedly causing problems for some of the best-known pet food brands

roachpatrol:

followthebluebell:

good job, guys, we’re killing the shitty pet food industry this time.  it can’t POSSIBLY be that we just recognized Gravy Train or Kibbles and Bits for being piss poor food choices; no, we’re just treating our pets too nicely. 

I like the implication that it’s a common and acceptable practice to feed shitty pet food to your SECOND born child

Millennials are treating pets like ‘their firstborn child,’ and it’s reportedly causing problems for some of the best-known pet food brands

ithankthevirgin:

A horde of squirrels invaded the people’s houses. They were eating all the food, but the worst part was that they were smashing and dropping everything around. But thanks to our prayers to Saint Francis, a new restaurant with delicious food was opened in our town. So the squeamish squirrels lost their interest in our houses and went to destroy the restaurant.

elysium-continuum:

witchin-bitchin-twopointoh:

thelesbianscrolls:

voresimulator:

justsomeantifas:

image

yet again, incredible takes from Forbes

The article is worse than the headline

I really struggled to find just one screenshot to encapsulate exactly how dumb this article is but

this does the trick. It truly is a clusterfuck.

This literally doesn’t mean anything. That’s word soup. What the fuck is that even SUPPOSED to mean?

“No doubt there were people with skills similar to those of the richest Americans today, and some became very well-to-do by early 19thcentury standards. But they didn’t become staggeringly rich simply because a lack of technology limited the ability of the ‘1 percenters’ of the early 19th to touch the U.S. (and the world) with their genius.”

Is this a joke? Are you sure tr*mp didn’t write this fuckery?

“Shit I Overheard at my Law Firm” Sentence Starters

i-am-an-adult-i-swear:

foggywithachance:

scarletmemewitch:

the-self-proclaimed-prince:

  • “Just read this fucker and take it to court.”
  • “Tone down your depositions, A-hole.” 
  • “He may be a buffoon and a fool, but by God he was innocent.”
  • *grumble grumble* “Sexist bastards.” 
  • “I don’t want to come into work without teeth!”
  • “That asshole better stop fucking with my client or else I’m gonna…”
  • “There are only two pears left. I’m naming them Adam and Eve.”
  • “Organic seaweed? What the hell is organic seaweed?”
  • “You asking me fishing?… fuck YES I’m there!”
  • “When the weather gets hot, I just step out on my back porch and pour water over my head for an hour or two. Works every time.”
  • “He is an artist. Use of Comic Sans in legal documents is his creative outlet.”
  • “Throw some Wingdings on that shit.”
  • “What does a person have to do to get a fucking cob salad around here?” 
  • “I’m trying to decide if I should go insane and body-pump or go home and sleep.”
  • “You can’t just ring a bell, un-ring it, and then ring it again.”
  • “We lost. We lost big time. But it’s okay. I’m good. It’s cool. I’ve got whiskey. I’m good.”
  • *applying lipstick to go to the gym* “What kind of a crazy woman wears lipstick to the gym??”
  • “Are you going to shut up and FISH today?” 
  • “Do you know of any pet friendly cafes? I’m meeting an attorney tomorrow and he’ll have his non-service hunting dog along. Don’t ask why.”
  • “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”
  • “Keto diet? Is that like for chemo? Ohmygod do you have cancer?!??”
  • “I don’t have a circle on mine. Where’s my circle?”
  • “Don’t judge my printouts. Paper is a renewable resource.”
  • “The stapler has been compromised.” 
  • “You know that one case? The one with the person from the company whose doing some crazy stuff?”
  • “I wasn’t fishing. I was lawyer-ing. Much less exciting.”
  • “For a priest, he’s kind of an asshole.”
  • “Brownies and bourbon? Sounds like my kinda party!”
  • “I got a bottle of whiskey calling my name so I may not be back here tomorrow morning or ever.”

@daredevilmeme, @foggywithachance

Tag yourself I’m “brownies and bourbon? sounds like my kinda party!”

I’m “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”