onlycompassionstopsabuse:

thedarkperidot:

OKAY

Can we address the fact that people with good parents get super offended when you explain how awful yours were? Saying things like “your parents would do anything for you”, or “you’re lucky they gave you a roof. Be grateful”. Nope. No you are not going to guilt me into thinking abuse was okay just because they met the basic requirements for the care of a child.

It’s wonderful that your parents are great and would do anything for you. But that statistic does not apply to every parent, and it’s so invalidating and dangerous to imply that, so stop. Think, really deeply think about what I’m saying and why.

Totally agree that victim-shaming is disgusting and never okay!!!!

But just an important heads-up: people who get defensive, i.e. uncomfortable, in any way when you tell them about your abusive parents, are abused themselves without knowing it.

Someone who REALLY had good parents would have absolutely no reason to get angry at you for venting about your abuse. Why should they?

The only explanation for people saying things like this is that it makes them extremely uncomfortable, because it forces them to look at their own parents. Another person’s abuse always triggers an emotional flashback to your own abuse. For example, if someone complains how their parents got angry at them for crying, it would immediately make them think/feel of how they feel when they cry, i.e. what their parents taught them about crying through their reaction to them crying.

I know it’s a really unknown fact that most people suffer from emotional abuse, but it really is part of our culture. How people react to your trauma is a good way of telling how much they know about their own trauma (not saying that people who react compassionately to you aren’t traumatised – they either have experience in this (which might stem from their own abuse too!) and/or they already know about their own trauma. Only asking them directly will of course give you the truth.).

But yeah – people with good parents don’t say such things. It sounds like they are just repeating what their own abusive parents would say.