One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, “hey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
My knee jerk response when asked this, even if it’s by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, “uh, nah-” and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-
-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, “some of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didn’t want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. I’m sorry.”
Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things I’ve ever heard someone say to me.
Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, “and they were like ‘forreal??’ so I was like, ‘yeah, she’s probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. She’ll stab you or something.’”
And tbh I can’t even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, “pleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, I’M BEGGING YOU.”
And Contractor just smiles and is like, “Okay! I just wanted to let you know!” before driving off with his forklift.
Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. He’s an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.
Update: Every time Contractor sees me, he does a little Devil Horns gesture at me and its adorable.
Update the Second: I saw Contractor while doing my tour and he told me that the guy that asked if I was single was around, and that if I saw him, I should just make complicated hand gestures at him while I walk by to scare him off.
Yesterday at the foster clinic there was a woman with a litter of tiny, tiny kittens, one of whom was a beautiful orange and white creamsicle. I told her, “I love orange boy cats, they are all so stupid.” and the foster mom said to me, with tears of love in her eyes, face glowing with maternal pride, “He is only 6 days old and I can already tell that he’s going to be so stupid!”
Consider Marmalade
THAT FAAAAACE
Thank you for sharing your beautiful cat and the incredibly beautiful look of total befuddlement that he has kept throughout his entire life.
This is my father’s cat, Nikki, who also represents the high quality stupidity of an orange cat. These are not his kittens, these are only 3 of the over 40 foster kittens I have exposed him to over the past several years. Does he care? Is he angry that small animals are invading his space? Hell no, his gentle pea brain only cares about food and snuggles. Look at the mindless bliss he is expressing.
I hope this post gets 100,000 notes and I see many, many pictures of dumb orange kitties.
This is my Pumpkin. His mouth is orange because he just got done
eating shredded carrots. His pupils look wonky cuz of the flash, I
think. They’re perfectly normal in real life.
This is
about the dumbest cat I’ve ever met. He will fall off of anything
for no reason.
My best memory of that was the first time
it happened, a couple days after we got him. He was on the kitchen
table. I walked in and said “Heeey my Pumpkin pie!” He fell
off the table and into the floor. Straight up ‘brrp!’ *falls
the fuck off*
No flailing, sliding anything.
He also nearly
drowns himself every time he drinks from the running faucet (his
favorite way to have water). Sploots his back end like a dog, kneads
anything his paws touch cuz he’s so freaking happy, tries to eat
his tail if you wave it in front of his face, growls when he grooms
himself…When he runs it’s like watching a gangling baby horse
with no coordination take off. His feet and legs don’t quite work
together, and he’ll slip and slide and bumble around. I legit think
he has some brain issues, but since he doesn’t hurt himself and is
other wise (mostly) normal, I’m not concerned.
He’s a sweet boy, and loves to cuddle and eat hair.
His little orange tabby brother, Abner is a bit dumb. His biggest
dumbness is completely melting off whatever he’s laying on and
puddling in the floor and being all confused about why he fell.
This is Abner as a baby, confused about the computer monitor. He wanted to jump on it, but sadly it was a thin one and couldn’t hold him.
He’s much more sleek and slightly smarter, as a one year old. Very loving, chatty and cuddly.
Sargent, their patchy orange brother, is a bit more clever. He
likes to yowl and cry and talk. Loudly. Constantly. He sounds like a
vicious angry beast even though he’s just expressing his
appreciation at my greeting.
Will scream and talk to whoever will listen. Likes to beat up on other cats cuz he’s an asshole. Is a mostly sweet boy who does not like cuddles, but will sit in your lap or sit beside you like a good boy for pettings.
Will scream whenever he hears a bag rattle or sees a human with a food dish/cup/plate because he thinks it’s food and he deserves it.
The two youngest orangies with their adopted brother, George. I acquired all three of these guys in one day…They have a same age sister that I got the next day, but she’s not fond of the screaming, pushy boys, so she’s not in this. She’d rather sit alone in your lap or on your chest while you’re trying to read.
This is so cute!
This is Pumpkin who I got when I was about 9 and the doll he is carrying is his baby that was given to me, if it’s in my room he goes and “rescues” is and takes it to my mom. He will fall asleep on the edge of something and then roll off in his sleep, and if he is in my room when I happen to walk in he will growl and hiss at me like I don’t belong there
He also sits like a person on occasion and will come running to my mom if she starts to whistle
This is my dumb baby boy, Tiger. He likes to follow me into the bathroom and sit the the bathtub as I do my business. When I wash my hands, he hops up onto the sink and licks the drain. He also likes to stretch and roll in his sleep, but sometimes he ends up just laying on his back. He’s not all stupid; he likes to be an ornery ass in the middle of the night by knocking things off my dresser because he’s hungry. We live in a house with a black kitty who isn’t very social, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to play with her. Often times, that ends up with him getting beaten up
The paper reported Tuesday that Manafort met with Assange multiple times before the presidential election, as early as 2013 and as late as spring of 2016.
“Imagine a woman in the long skirts and high collar of the early 20th century standing in front of the painting she created. It is a massive piece—about 10 feet tall by 8 feet wide—and it is not a landscape, a portrait, a still life, nor a scene from myth or history. Dominating the composition is a bold yellow form reminiscent of a plant or sea creature, glowing amid colorful, biomorphic shapes and vigorous lines. This is just one of 10 such works that she has created almost entirely alone—sometimes walking on her work as she lays down the paint—and one of 193 radically abstract paintings that she has made in a few short years, between 1906 and 1915. None of these details fit with the story told in museums and art history courses. We know the first abstract painters so well that we often refer to them by last names alone: Kandinsky, Malevich, Mondrian. We know who is celebrated for doing “action painting” on giant canvases laid on the floor—Pollock. Each of these men has been lauded for opening a way into new territory. As it turns out, that territory had already been explored by another artist. Her name was Hilma af Klint.”
militant fandom antis who are determined to force everyone to behave the way they want on the grounds that behaving otherwise is immoral are moral abusers.
the opening paragraph from that link:
Moral abusers are a class of bullies and control freaks. They often try to impose themselves upon others and shield themselves from criticism by presenting themselves as having the moral high ground. Many also seem to genuinely believe they have the moral high ground and that all criticism against them comes from immoral, self-serving people. They don’t view themselves as control freaks or abusers, but often instead see themselves as stalwart opponents of the “real” control freaks/abusers, which tends to be anyone who doesn’t subscribe or adhere to their own (usually very rigid) views of right and wrong. (Their logic is simple: if you don’t agree with or follow their system to the letter, it’s because you’re immoral or self-serving. In their minds, no other possible explanation can exist.)
Please read this link if you’ve ever struggled with understanding the mindset of a person telling you you’re an irredeemable person for shipping something they don’t.
“yeah i own cats. i own them all the time. *points at a passing cat* you walk like a moron. hey, who’s your barber? some kind of…bad barber or something?? idiot”
One of TWELVE Red Spotted Newts (Notophthalmus viridescens), I saw this day! It had just rained, and they seemed to be really enjoying it! This little guy in particular stole my heart. He was a feisty little feller! And adventurous too! There was this big mossy boulder, which was quite a mountain to him… I watched him climb it… then tumble down…. then climb it again… then tumble down again… and finally, he made it to the top and chilled there for awhile. Determination can go a long way… even if you’re a tiny little creature! ❤
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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