judiops:

tirediscourse:

alarajrogers:

goodmorningawfulbye:

just-antithings:

fandom-is-for-pleasure:

bai-xue-lives:

rottenboysclub:

the-sophia-in-exile:

xenoqueer:

Are you. Uh.

Are you saying that self harm and massive blood loss are. Healthier. Than being spanked by a partner in a controlled fashion because. I.

There’s.

There’s so much happening here. Do you think mentally ill people can’t fuck? Do you think doms are rapists? Do you think hitting someone is rape? DO YOU THINK CONSENSUAL SEX IS RAPE????

I don’t even know where to. To begin so just.

Listen.

Listen, okay.

Step one on the staircase of “stop trying to punish your body for being sick,” also known as “stop self harming,” is to replace high risk forms of self harm like trying to kill yourself with much lower risk ones that still provide you the sense of control, relief, or physical grounding that you are seeking.

This NECESSARY INTERIM MEASURE is what allows you to begin dealing with the extremely painful, difficult process of healing.

Also, did you just fucking say you would rather your friend RISK DEATH than do kink??????????????????????

Just.

Like.

I would rather risk death than deal with you right now, holy shit.

Hey, anon, here’s a quick guide to how to deal with being in your situation:

1) Evaluate your discomfort.  Are you uncomfortable with the situation because you’re worried that your friend is being taken advantage of, or because it’s something you don’t understand or have built up an irrational sense of righteousness about?  Hint: if you’d rather your friend risk extreme personal injury or death, it’s probably the latter, and you should probably just deal with that on your own.

2) If you are actually genuinely concerned about your friend, the first thing you should do is go talk to them, and let them have a say in how the situation gets handled.  I mean, if you really respected their agency, you would probably not be so willing to label a situation they’re in as “definitely rape” because you have some vague idea about what they can and cannot consent to, but hey, maybe shit is really bad and you just don’t know how to deal with it.  It’s possible.

3) Don’t drag your friend’s situation out in front of a bunch of strangers on the internet as a way to support your moral superiority.  That’s taking advantage of them and speaking over them and it’s gross and just don’t.  If you need support or advice, that’s one thing, but bringing it up as a talking point with someone you disagree with is not that.

Also notice the anon’s wording.

“my friend has her bf whip her ass”

That’s clearly someone who WANTS to be spanked, it’s not even a case of where the guy has a spanking fetish himself (which, y’know, is just as valid) but it’s clearly the woman who has the impact play kink, and her boyfriend is participating in it at her request, not the other way around. So how is it possible that he’s ‘taking advantage of her’ ?????

Also

How is impact play ‘rape’? Not that there’s anything wrong with consensual noncon play either but ????? They’re two completely different things.

Anon, do you think that throwing out a million buzzwords and hoping that one will stick is any good way to create an argument? Because it’s pretty much the opposite of that. Please lay off the swerf kool-aid and pet a cat or something.

“at least if she was cutting”

Holy shit, anon, you are a terrible friend just for thinking that.

I want people to look at this and examine this. Because of out of all the miserable fuckery in that post (such as equating consensual sex-acts with rape, but let’s face it, that’s just standard radfem modus operandi) the absolutely chilling part is that anon outright admits they would see their friend do permanent damage to themselves and put their life in danger, purely because the boyfriend wouldn’t be ~*~getting off~*~ on that. 

I repeat – this person would rather have their friend commit undeniable self-harm, rather than engage in a relatively danger-free kink, purely because there’s even the slightest possibility that the boyfriend might be deriving pleasure from that kink (how very interesting that they make no mention of the friend’s own pleasure). 

This shit is the logical end-point of the rabid demonization of deriving sexual pleasure from non-normative sexual practices (impact-play, in this case) that this place is marinating in. This is how you also end up with nuclear-level hot-takes such as ‘abuse’ (defined in an incredibly loose manner, to the point where consensual BDSM ends up falling under the umbrella) being somehow worse than murder. 

Just Anti Things: actually self harm is better than participating in kink

also, what that friend does is literally a tactic used to stop self-harm practices? It’s the same as “rub an ice cube where you want to cut” so you feel something painful but don’t do serious damage

Also, from what the anon said we actually don’t even know if the bf is getting off on the spanking, or if he’s getting off on being of service to his gf and doing as she asks. There is such thing as a service top, and there is such a thing as a dominant masochist. Assuming that the boyfriend is a dom who likes inflicting pain isn’t even a conclusion one can certainly jump to (let alone the weird bullshit like “rape fantasy” because being spanked is obviously no different from being raped and oh my god the stupid, it burns us.)

Like, if he is a dom who enjoys inflicting pain on a partner who enjoys receiving pain and being submissive, that’s ok! Nothing wrong with that, if everyone’s consenting! But “woman has man beat her to satisfy her personal urges” does not require that the man be a dom or like inflicting pain. As long as he’s a man who likes doing for his partner what his partner wants him to do, it works. 

Even putting aside the way anon is acting like cutting is better than impact play – they’re putting the focus entirely on the boyfriend being aroused by it. It’s not about the friend, or being worried about the friend, even if they think it is. It’s about someone finding the “wrong” thing arousing or appealing. It’s about the idea that this boyfriend is inherently an untrustworthy, abusive rapist because he enjoys consensually beating his girlfriend.

It’s like people who say that nasty fiction is just as bad as reality, because bad people are getting off on it. It’s not about the negative impact, it’s about the positive impact on people who are seen as undeserving. People who like bad things don’t deserve happiness or orgasms. If you go by that logic, it makes sense to equate consensual kink to abuse, or underage fanart to child rape: the end result, a bad person getting pleasure, is the same, which makes them equally bad.

This is fucked up beyond all reason.

However, it pretty much distills the mindset behind a whole bunch of other really awful stuff: it’s the philosophy that it’s better to deny solace to someone who needs it than to give satisfaction to someone who “doesn’t deserve it”. 

This is the same mindset that has people putting up drug tests and cuts off certain foods for food stamps– because what do they care if a thousand kids go hungry so long as one person doesn’t use food stamp to eat steak while they feed their drug habit?

The same mindset has people put obscene barriers on those seeking abortions– because what do they care if the person seeking abortion is a victim of abuse, or if the pregnancy could kill the patient, so long as abortions are impossible for one irresponsible nymphomaniac?

The same mindset has people put barriers on seeking gender-affirming surgery– because what do they care about the lives and safety among trans people, so long as that one “bathroom predator” is denied?

This is why there’s such a big pushback against actually effective drug treatment programs and needle exchanges, etc, because they don’t care about the lives they could be saving– they care about that one junkie who would just take advantage of these programs to keep getting high.

And the thing is? That One Person that they’re trying to catch? They don’t have to actually exist. In fact, a lot of times they absolutely do not (like the “bathroom predator” and the “irresponsible nymphomaniac”).

That One Person is a worst-case scenario built up around their own fears and anxieties and then projected onto somebody they don’t like, the way a rape fantasy was projected onto the boyfriend in the original post. And that only really serves to justify why they can continue to hate this person that they don’t like, because that person could potentially be That One Person that they’re so afraid of.

It’s fucked up.

It’s really fucked up.