glumshoe:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

Well, I won’t speak for Ship, but MY secret is that I actually have extremely severe depression. And I have those days you’re talking about.

You’re right. This planet can be pretty miserable. Day in and day out, evil people come out on top, ignorant people hurt the planet because they just don’t care enough to learn, and others still are forced to knowingly hurt the world, because being environmentally responsible can actually be pretty damn expensive!

The key is that you cannot, cannot, cannot just focus on the bad. I know that’s a hard-won, bitterly scored victory when you suffer from depression or other mental illnesses, but it’s a battle you Need to fight. Listen, friend. We’re in the middle of the sixth mass extinction, alright? The whole natural world is on fire right now. But if we give in to despair, all really will be lost.

So try to just think a little more gently and enjoy yourself.

Start by finding a little piece of the planet that just genuinely satisfies you because it exists. For me, that’s amphibians. For others, that’s trees, or flowers, or birds.

Next, don’t focus on the bad. There are times when you need to worry, get angry, and fight. But if loving something becomes so stressful that you don’t even get to enjoy loving it anymore, what’s the point? I KNOW it’s important to “be aware,” but fuck, man. You need to give yourself a break if you’re gonna survive, you know? I sure do.

For me, nothing really helps me find peace in the world more than stepping out and being a part of it. So whatever helps you feel like the world is a little less miserable, get involved in it physically, and eventually you’ll be involved in it completely. If it’s crochet, take a class, or sit outside for a change of scenery and just do it.

For me, it’s being in streams, in mud, in leaves. So I take barefoot walks. Sometimes I actually just. Stand knee-deep in some mud and enjoy it, idk.

Let yourself be present. Allow yourself to look at something you like and for the moment only see the good. Worry about the rest another time. It’s okay.

Also, it’s not necessary to inspire others to live a good life. Inspiring yourself is enough. If you live a life where you try your best to be content, or at least OK, and in the bad times you hold on, and in the good times you’re grateful, and you try not to hurt others (but we all sometimes do, being people), and you find something that inspires you that you hold onto no matter how dark it gets, and the thing makes the world seem a little bit more worth it, even if the way you care never makes a big change in anyone else’s life, then you are doing a good job. You’re living a life worth admiration.

It’s okay if, at the end of the day, your biggest goal is to just somehow be OK. I know that it’s mine. You really, really don’t need to change the whole world. Just focus on the world around you. Do what you can, accept when you can’t, and focus most on being someone who you want to be.

I’m willing to bet that once you’re doing that, you’ll inspire people without even realizing it.

This all sounds very cliche, but I know that it’s true.

Everything Molly Anne has said is true. I’m hardly the picture of mental health. It’s been a few years since I stopped seeing suicide as an option, but I’ve got serpents on the brain enough still. Sometimes all that gets me through is the Carl Sagan-influenced idea that, if nothing else, I can be a witness. I am a part of the universe, and therefore I am a vessel by which the universe observes, understands, and loves itself. 

Whatever bad things may happen, whatever may be lost or changed or harmed, every action you take born out of love or wonder is the universe reflecting inwards and treasuring some small part of itself. No matter what it is, no matter how small or silly, you are giving it value through your attention. 

I dropped my pursuit of environmental science when I became too paralyzed by terror and anxiety to derive any kind of pleasure from my studies. Sometimes I regret that, but I did what I needed to do to survive and protect myself, and I have entered the field sideways as a children’s educator. If not for my psychological “failure”, I wouldn’t be sharing and spreading appreciation for the natural world as effectively as I do now. 

My mother used to recite Max Ehrmann’s poem “Desiderata” to me as a sort of mantra when I was a child caught up in despair. You can read the full thing here. Many years later, as a grown adult, lines of it echo around my head during my darkest moments, when I feel like I’m drowning in a black haze.