PTSD is your brain trying to make sure you DON’T DIE.

Humans are really good at adapting so that we don’t die.  That’s kind of our whole *THING*.  We adapt.

If something BAD and SCARY and DANGEROUS happens, your brain tries to teach you to react better next time.  If the Bad Scary Dangerous thing happens a lot, that’s reinforcing it.  With CPTSD, the Bad Scary Dangerous thing happened often enough and frequently enough that your whole psyche developed around it.

You learn to notice the tiny things that signal the Bad Scary Dangerous Thing might happen – even if you don’t consciously know that you know that – so that you are braced to react and defend yourself.  They become triggers so that you are primed to respond.

Hypervigilance? Better to panic unnecessarily than to get dead because you didn’t recognize a threat in time, right?  It’s uncomfortable and a waste of energy but you’re not dead.

Nightmares about the Bad Thing?  Dreams are PRACTICE.  You are trying to learn how to react better or faster or more effectively next time.

Avoidance? Dissociating is better than just completely breaking and shutting down entirely.

The thing is, even if you are not in that situation anymore, your brain did not get the memo.  It is trying! But it takes a lot of work to convince it that “No really, it is safe now!”

I guess what I’m saying is cut yourself some slack.  You are doing your best and you’re not dead. ❤

I am SO happy



So about 4 days ago my brother was working in the yard and he was getting rid of this big old plastic pot we had that was already falling apart. To fit it in the garbage bag he had to smash it into smaller pieces with a shovel.

But when he dumped out the dirt….


…eggs. Ten little eggs.

My mom brought them in to show me. Not knowing what they were or if they were dangerous or not, she asked me if I wanted to take one and open it up outside to make sure it wasn’t full of baby bugs or something. I told her that they were definitely reptile eggs but she was still giving them the ‘I-still-don’t-trust-that-they-aren’t-bugs’ look.

I knew there was no way it was full of bugs and I wouldn’t be able to get it off my mind if we cut one out and killed it. But then I remembered candling.

If you don’t know what candling is, it’s when you put a flashlight under an egg to check if it’s fertile or not.

So I told her to hold on and I ran to get a flashlight.

Lo and behold they were not bugs.


It was our first time ever candling anything so we weren’t exactly sure what to look for. The only videos I had ever seen for candling an egg was a video talking about how some geckos lay eggs without a mate but there is a rare chance they could be fertile anyway; the eggs in the video were always empty though. So we checked all the eggs and they were all alive and responsive. I managed to convince my family that I was 99% sure they were lizards of some kind.

Since we kind of accidentally destroyed their nest and a storm was coming we set out to give them somewhere safe to hatch.

 We got a pot and filled it with damp dirt like the one we found them in but smaller. After candling each egg, we made a divot in the dirt and placed each egg half in and half off, careful not to turn them too much and damage them.


My mom did some research and found that the eggs needed to be kept somewhere with good humidity so we got a plastic book crate, drilled some holes in it, and filled the bottom with wet paper towels.


The mystery eggs were put in the garage where it was just as hot as outside but safe from the huge thunderstorm.

Day 2 of eggs and nothing happened. We didn’t think anything would happen just yet but we were all a little worried that we were doing the wrong thing. It was my day to go finish up cleaning up the dirt and shards from the broken pot in the yard when I found another egg.

I picked it up and it wasn’t as firm as the others. In fact it was leaking. I called my mom and candled the little guy. He was just as alive as the others were. There wasn’t much room in the new incubator with the other eggs so we got a tiny beta fish tank we haven’t used in years and fixed it up for the egg. We put it in the garage next to the others.

Now this egg had me worried. He had been out in the storm with a damaged egg. I would go out and check on him throughout the day. Not a thing happened and I was starting to worry that he didn’t make it.

Day 3 of eggs was interesting. I went out to check again on little egg 11 with my mom. She asked how the others were doing and wanted to see. It was fogged up on the inside so I shone a light through and saw it. A head! A little baby lizard head poking out of the egg! 

The incubator was taken inside and everyone was gathered around the table. We would all switch from watching the eggs, to someone doing research, to checking the eggs, to setting up the empty tank we had, to checking the eggs again.


All together 4 little lizards were hatching. They’d kick for a bit in their eggs but then fall asleep because it was so tiring. 


After a while my mom got concerned about one that hadn’t opened its eyes in ages. It wasn’t moving. I picked up the egg and put it in my hand. I rubbed the shell and gently gave it little tugs. Then out the baby came!


This little guy came out healthy and fast. After a brief look-around he ran out of my hand and back into the pot. Then over the edge of the pot to explore the hides we fit in. 


After 4 of the babies fully hatched and we figured out what we were going to do, we put the incubators in the spare tank we had so we could keep an eye on them. At that point it was a little past 1:00am and a 5th egg started to hatch.

Day 4 of eggs and lizards we went to the local pet store to get something that these super small babies could eat. Luckily, Petco carries super small crickets and meal worms. We loaded up on reptile supplies: bus, vitamin dust, hides, heat lamps, you name it we probably bought it.

Upon getting home my mother and I readied the tank.


At that point all but two eggs had hatched. One we thought wasn’t going to make it because it didn’t react when I candled it, and the other was number 11 who was found a day late and broken. We decided to move the two into one incubator instead of two while we moved 9 of the lizards into their temporary home.


When we look for them they were hiding in the incubator all curled up together under a plant we had put in. They actually seem to do that everywhere they decide to hide which is kind of surprising to me. I thought they were going to all be really territorial with each other. But they seem to like each other more than I thought they would.

After a few hours, number 11 hatched and he was just as healthy and fast as the others despite being through the storm earlier. Not too long after that, the last egg hatched. He was much smaller than the others but equally as fast. We added them both to the tank with the others and they hid as quick as a ninja.

Day 5 of lizards was mostly setting up heat lamps and lights and worrying if they were okay. They stayed hidden under rocks and brush. We never saw them eat so we went back to researching.


Day 6 of lizards and they are alive and well! They’ve taken a liking to the new heat lamp and have been scuttling around there all day. I even saw one eat a cricket! 


Even the smallest of the bunch was enjoying himself in the warmth 🙂


I will continue to take care of them until it comes time to release them back to their natural habitat. I’ll keep you all updated. It’s such a strange and wonderful learning experience 🙂 

This is wonderful and I love OP for sharing it!

Please help me escape my abusive relationship for good







If you’ve been following me for a while, you more than likely know what’s going on, but for those who don’t know: I’ve been in an extremely toxic, abusive relationship for the past 6 ½ years with my son’s father. We have a 3 year old together. While I did leave him last year, I (stupidly) came back in March under the promises of “things would change” etc etc. He has been emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually, and financially abusive. I am cooperating with the state in applying for all kinds of state assistance I am eligible for. I have an apartment and have our most basic needs covered. I need help with covering rent at the end of the month as I can’t do it by myself (my rent is $936), I have no consistent means of transportation (there is no bus/public transit in the city I live in) and I really realllyyy don’t want to have to allow my abuser into my home just to help cover these bills. I can manage on my own, but I need help getting on my feet and establishing my independence in the time being.

Any resources, encouraging words (I have virtually no support system), or other help is so much appreciated.

My PayPal is c.newago@yahoo.com, or PayPal.me/bizaanideewin

Please please don’t send anon hate or criticism, I cannot stress how hard I am struggling with my own guilt and self-blaming right now


I’m having a sale on my website, if donating isn’t your jam.



Bringing this back, with an update: I wasn’t able to survive on my own so I had to let him in. Lo and behold the abuse continues. Today he punched a hole in the bedroom door. My dad is going to cosign for a new apartment for me back in my hometown, as long as I cover the costs he is going to help me move. I’ve already got a rental application submitted. I’m done I’m leaving I’m OUT. I have tangible proof and I can break the lease without repercussions through the domestic violence clause in the lease.

I just need help with the intial moving costs and initial housing costs- the apartment I applied for is $645 a month, security deposit same amount. First months rent and security deposit due at lease signing. Moving costs are around $400 (it’s a 300 mile move so it gets expensive fast)


I’m almost 15% of the way there!! Please boost!

UPDATE: before my best friend came to get me to visit her, he and I got into a huge fight. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs calling me a selfish bitch and a slut. He then proceeded to tell me Makoons won’t have any parents anymore if I call the cops.

Please boost!! I want to leave BEFORE this escalates!!!!