horse people are weird

what does this mean

horses can see demons

@betterbemeta are you able to translate this? Is it true horses can see netherbeings?? Will we ever know the extent of their powers???

I think I have reblogged this before but I’ll answer it again bc its a fascinating answer I feel and i was more funny than informational last time.

The truth is that horses see what they think are nether beings, I guess. They have a perfect storm of sensory perception that, useful for prey beings, marks false positives on mortal danger all the time. Which is advantageous to a flight-based prey species: running from danger when you’re super fast is much ‘cheaper’ than fighting, so you waste almost nothing from running from a threat that’s not there. Versus, you blow everything if you don’t see a threat that is there.

Horses also have their eyes positioned on the sides of their heads, which gives them an incredible range of peripheral vision almost around their entire body with only a few blind spots you can sneak up on them in. But this comes at the cost of binocular vision; they can only judge distance for things straight ahead of them. Super useful for preventing predators sneaking up from the sides or behind, but useless for recognizing familiar shapes with the precision we can.

Basically we now have a walking couch with anxiety its going to get attacked at any second, that can see almost everything, but mostly only out of the corner of its eye. It has a few blind spots and anything that suddenly appears out of them is terrifying to it. Combine that with that it actually has far superior low-light vision than us, and that its ears can swivel in any directions like radar dishes, and you’ve basically given a nervous wreck a highly accurate but imprecise danger-dar.

To be concise: all horses, even the most chill horses, on some level believe they are living in a survival horror.

This means that you could approach it in a flapping poncho and if it can’t recognize your shape as human, they mistake you for SATAN… or you could pass this one broken down tractor you’ve passed 100 times on a trail ride, but today is the day it will ATTACK… or your horse could feel a horsefly bite from its blind spot and MAMA, I’VE BEEN HIT!!!… or you could both approach a fallen log in the woods but in the low light your horse is going to see the tree rings as THE EYE OF MORDOR.

However, they actually have kind of a cool compensation for this– they are social animals, and instinctively look towards leadership. In the wild or out at pasture, this is their most willful, pushy, decisive leader horse who decides where to go and where it’s safe. But humans often take this role both as riders and on the ground. They are always watching and feeling for human reactions to things. This is why moving in a calm, decisive way and always giving clear commands is key to working with this kind of animal. Confusing commands, screaming, panic, visible distress, and chaos will signal to a horse that you, brave leader are freaked out… so it should freak out too!

On one hand, you’ll get horses that will decide that they are the leader and you are not, so getting them to listen to you can be tough– requiring patience and skill more than force. On the other hand, a good enough rider and a well-trained horse (or a horse with specialized training) can venture into dangerous situations, loud and scary environments, etc. calmly and confidently.

The joke in OP though is that many horses that are bred to be very fast, like thoroughbreds, are also bred and encouraged to be high-energy and highstrung. Making them more anxious and prone to seeing those ‘demons.’ All horses in a sense are going to be your anxious friend, but racehorses and polo ponies and other sport horses can sometimes be your anxious friend that thinks they live in Silent Hill.

Reblogging some horse knowledge for certain people who write fantasy books but know nothing about horses *cough cough*

reblogging for the line “Basically we now have a walking couch with anxiety”.

Also: horses have very limited depth perception. You know that thing where you out your finger on the bridge of your nose and it disappears because it’s behind your field of vision? Now imagine your nose is as long as a horse’s. The blind spot in front of a horse’s nose is huge, four to six feet or so. When a horse jumps, it can’t see the fence, it has to be trained / remember to look for it and remember where it is and how high. They cannot tell if that is a spot of oil or a black hole in the road. It’s probably a black hole. Better avoid it.

Horses can’t see your hand, they smell the treat (and use very sensitive skin/whiskers to feel.) Some horses are garbage at doing this gently, just absolutely awful, but remember – they can’t see what they’re doing.

Horses also have partial color vision – they see horse relevant colors. Blue, yellow and therefore green. No red derived colors. If you want to see an anxious couch have a bad trip, ride it in an arena with alternating sections of purple and yellow seating. Grey grey YELLOW YELLOW HOLY SHIIIIIIIT. Every single horse would walk past the purple seats and go OH MY FUCK at the yellow ones. This is why the bright red (grey) bucket isn’t a problem, but oH my FfffffffffSHIttTTTT do they notice a stray yellow plastic grocery bag.

Last statement here is, instinct tells a horse that anything clinging to your back is going to eat you. That we spend so much effort convincing them otherwise is amazing and in general a testament to the human race’s commitment to Bad Ideas.

Thank u horse science side of tumblr

If you want to see an anxious couch have a bad trip is by far my most fav sentence

I wasn’t totally sure about that leftover chicken, so I decided to round out the rice with a quick egg.

I figured that if it involved pav bhaji masala and veggies, I was probably going to like it. Not bad at all, especially for the amount of work.

Way to make your Alt-Right followers feel like shit, bro.

Recently seen in my in-box

I want to explain that I have no desire to offend my readers. Quite the opposite. As the blog and Valhalla fandom grew, I became very aware that the things I say can offend my followers and readers. I made a post that poked fun at smoking without a second thought and woke up to find I’d alienated several people who smoked. That hurt. I made a sarcastic remark once that offended a Valhalla fan and that hurt a great deal, I was mortified that I’d offended a fan who really respected me. I strongly try to avoid this.

But the fact that explaining how my book does not support Nazism really shouldn’t offend anyone who’s on the level. It’s simply true, my book is not a white supremacist text, it has Nazis as the bad guys in one chapter, it ridicules and refutes many alt-right shibboleths. It’s not a friendly series to those beliefs.

Now I stand by it, I don’t want to offend my readers. I have over 125,000 of them now and there’s sure to be a wide diversity of beliefs among those people. Some will identify as alt-right. I am aware that some even call themselves neo-Nazis, thus grouping themselves with Nazis in history. And I just have to say it flatly to them- You people murdered over half of my father’s side of the family. You incite violence against the innocent because of their race. You fight for the supremacy of a damn skin color and that makes you an absolute sack of shit to me.

In my post, I ascribe a meaning to the Tikari on the cover of Valhalla. This is actually a huge risk for me because there’s someone out there who has a tattoo of it. I am stating a meaning to her tattoo that I had not stated when she got it. I take that very seriously because I respect her very greatly and would be absolutely destroyed if I hurt her, especially by altering the public connotations of her tattoo to something she didn’t approve of. But here’s the thing- I’m pretty damn sure she won’t mind it being a symbol of lesbian strength and superiority to things that berate them, such as Nazism.

I weigh the things I say here pretty heavily. Especially in that post. Because there are people I don’t want to hurt. But to my followers who believe I deserve to die because of my bloodlines, well, I gotta say I kind of want you people to hurt. I dare say I would feel bad if I didn’t use my posts to hurt you. You think I should be erased? Then I don’t think you deserve to enjoy my blog without at least a little sting.

We have reached the time when silence is tantamount to complicity. I would be guiltier if I stayed silent than if I offend some people. So I cannot be silent about it: If you are my fan and you identify with Nazism, white supremacy, and yes- The “alt-right”- I don’t really want you here. I don’t care to avoid offending you. If you believe I am sub-human for my heritage, I’m just not going to try very hard to avoid hurting your fragile fragile feelings.

Respectfully only to the respectable,

-Ari Bach, author of Valhalla and facts-i-just-made-up

(via facts-i-just-made-up)

It’s Pathetic That I Still Have To Explain This In The Year 2017:


My novel Valhalla and its sequels are in no way supportive of Nazism. 

They are the product of a Jewish author and an LGBT press.

Nobody involved with these books supports white supremacist filth.

White supremacists have appropriated no shortage of Nordic and other symbols. Nazism took the swastika and pretty much ruined it forever. They want to do the same with symbols like the valknut, odal rune and even names like Valhalla itself.

But many of these names and icons still have a life outside of that racist bullshit. The novel Valhalla is in part an homage to what the symbols and terms originally stood for, and contains a framework for positive iconography that they might represent in the future- In opposition to things like the “alt-right.”

Something akin to Nazis appear in the second book in the Valhalla series. They appear there only to get the guts beaten out of them and signal the danger of such people to a character who otherwise didn’t quite get it, because it’s the year 2230 when these books begin and Nazism is finally a distant memory. Like it should be right now.

But it’s not, and the scum of the Earth are still claiming Norse mythology as their own. So I need to say it loud and clear:


The icons of Norse culture do not belong to the slime who abuse them. They do not belong to me either. But as long as proponents of racial hatred and homophobia claim them, I will hold up my novel against them. Valhalla wasn’t written knowing what 2017 would look like. But as its author I’ve lived to see it, and I despise what I see- The endurance of these vile beliefs. Valhalla wasn’t written solely to oppose them, it’s just an action/comedy series. But it uses Norse iconography, and it’s at the opposite end of all spectrums from Nazism.

And a final note: I considered putting the valknut symbol on the cover. But despite the main characters being on “Valknut Team,” that’s not what’s at the center of this series. The cover of the novel Valhalla depicts a “Tikari,” a sci-fi weapon, a knife that can turn into insect tech. The one on the cover isn’t even the main character’s. It’s another one that resembles a butterfly. I chose it over the main character’s Tikari because of its shape- I wanted it to stand as a labrys variant. For all the action and all the humor, the center and finale of the trilogy is about two women, both tough-as-nails, who would challenge the planet to be together.

There is no greater challenge to Nazis and their offspring than the prosperity of those they hate and want dead. I hope when people see my book cover, this Tikari, they see a new symbol that opposes all the alt-right stands for:

This is a Tikari. It means two women in love are stronger than all the might that racists and misogynists and homophobes and social slime will ever muster.


Me: Hey memory, what do you call the little stiff thing on the end of a shoelace?

Memory: An aglet.

Me: And how do you jumpstart a car?

Memory: Red to red, black to frame.

Me: And what’s the name of the computer game I played at a friend’s house once in 1998?

Memory: Bad Mojo.

Me: And what’s the name of this person that I’ve met several times recently and am about to socialize with?

Memory: lol idc





my mom got accepted into my college so i’m at orientation with her and she keeps having to explain that she’s the student

oh my god she has a classy leather binder for some reason??




she had her first quiz today and these were her notes

I showed her all the nice supportive comments you’ve all been leaving and she’s baffled but grateful


mom’s having a really hard time right now; she just had to pay hundreds of dollars to have testing done on the family dog, only to learn that he needed to be put down, and on top of that her car window was broken. these have all added up to a lot of unexpected expenses on top of the emotional toll of losing Muggins.

if you’re one of the many, many people who reblogged this post for good luck, or who was inspired by it, please consider donating to paypal.me/collegemom to help my mom out (name appears as The Whole Nine Yards but i promise it’s her). we’re not expecting much tbh, but every little bit helps at this point. signal boosts are appreciated, thank you to everyone for any support you can give.

(for the record: she’s on the dean’s list now)