ive been sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes trying to piss but the pee keeps getting lost in my confusing Woman Body
Do you know what this means, though? Not only did some cis man write that and think it made sense, but not a single person with a vulva was involved in the editing of this book before it went to publication (or they simply weren’t listened to).
Having diversity in your creative team makes for better media!
How does any man who lives with a woman not know that we pee faster than they do?
I think this is yet another case of men projecting something onto women that they feel themselves. Penis envy was Freud imagining that women were profoundly unhappy with clitorises instead of penises because men are obsessed with the size of their penis and he couldn’t imagine a man being happy with a tiny penis, so how could a woman be happy without one?
In this case, men are liable to get swollen prostates that interfere with the ability to pee, and also, a man who is hard finds it biologically difficult to pee. (Not impossible, I guess, or piss kink wouldn’t be possible, but very difficult.) There’s no common equivalent for women… being aroused doesn’t make it harder for us to pee, and we don’t have prostates.
I mean, this is one of the few biological advantages of female equipment. Our shorter urethras make us more prone to UTIs. But we are less likely to have trouble peeing. (I’ve also observed that we are less likely to be constipated… I don’t know whether this is because of biology, diet, or the fact that we have to sit on the toilet multiple times a day, so we have no motivation to hold our poop. Men have to make a special poop trip, and if you hold your poop when you need to poop, you get constipated, and busy men might not want to take time for the poop session. Women were sitting down to pee anyway, so might as well poop.)
I suspect this writer is a guy who assumed that all the time his wife spends in the bathroom is because she is trying to pee, because she has to spend a lot of time putting on makeup and doing hygiene to impress him without him knowing she’s doing it because he’s just that much of a jerk. Like that poor woman on Real Housewives of New Jersey or whatever who brags about the fact that her husband has never, ever seen her go to the bathroom to poop, like she hides it from him to create the illusion that women don’t poo. Really, lady? He’s that fucking insecure that he needs to believe you’re not human to love you? But for some reason we put up with this shit from guys and don’t kick their asses to the curb like we ought to.
my life is like Chopped except it’s God up there going “here’s a set of 4 mystery ingredients: some form of illness, zero disposable income, an ambiguous sense of self, 4 day old pasta….. you have 30 minutes to come up with some sort of life, with quality. ice cream machine broke”
I now know firsthand that going to a car dealership is…an experience.
I went going exactly what car I wanted and I imagine that if you don’t know that much it’ll be easier for a dealership to screw you over when you get there by feeding you misinformation about a car, manipulating you into buying a more expensive model, and etc.
I had already done all my research online so I knew what I wanted. Down to the color. (Green is my favorite color!)
So boyfriend and I went (I followed Tumblr’s advice about bringing a man lol). And I test drove the car and loved it just like I knew I would. And THEN the real dealership experience began.
The bottomline is that I knew my credit score and so I knew what kind of interest rate (APR) I should expect. I also knew the manufacturer price of the car (MSRP) and I knew how much they were selling for on average in my area ($3k less than MSRP).
So I knew what I was going to pay and I had already decided on that in my head.
So dealer #1 (a white guy–this is relevant to mention lol) brings back the first set of numbers. He cushions it with making small talk and flattering me on starting my PhD in August. He also chats up boyfriend.
The numbers were bad. I could tell looking at it. Although they didn’t say the APR, I knew that my monthly rate shouldn’t be that high based on the number of months I’d be paying it. Also they only gave me $2k off MSRP.
I noted that the sticker price was too high because I can go to another dealer and get it cheaper and they knocked off another $1k.
And then I asked him what the APR was. He was very evasive and kept telling me to look at the monthly payments because that’s what “really matters.” No, what really matters is what I’m paying for the car overall which is the sticker price + state fees (unavoidable) + interest rate.
Dealer #1 finally told me the APR and it was 3x the rate I knew I was eligible for. I told him that’s not gonna work. He turned aggressive and said that I’m a first time buyer and I can’t expect better and that I’m being unrealistic to expect a lower rate and etc etc.
So I said that my bank quoted me a rate half that much and I’ll just go through them and buy later (at a different dealer). Because I want the car but there’s 2 other places I can go to get it in my area.
Then all of a sudden dealer #1 could get me a better APR. His next offer was 2x what I wanted to pay. I said nah that good enough.
Then they brought out dealer #2, who was a Black guy. He didn’t sit down and instantly start talking about the price. He said a bunch of small talk and said some stuff about being Black lol. Tryna be chummy chummy and connect with us on a racial level.
Then he tried to push the same numbers as dealer #1. I said I know I’m young and I don’t have a math background but you’re charging me way too much for this car and I’m not going to buy it at that price. Period. I said: get the APR down and I’ll buy the car. He kept telling me it wasn’t possible and I said okay…I won’t buy it.
But then he was like wait…lemme run the numbers. And ta da! He came back with the right APR. Also zero down. And payments lower than my target.
This whole process took 5 hours.
Moral of the story:
– know as much as you can before going to a dealership so you can focus on the numbers
– know your credit score so you know what your APR should be
– get approved through an independent bank for a loan so you have leverage to negotiate with a better rate from the dealer
– don’t focus on monthly payments. Times that by the amount of months so you know what you’re REALLY paying
– threaten to walk because stuff magically happens at dealerships when you do lol
Listen, I work at a car dealership, and all of this is 100% accurate.
Bottom line: the better deal you get on a car, the less money that lines their pockets. A LOT of the time, they’re just being greedy.
Definitely do your own research. Knowledge is power. If you’re young or have anxiety, take a Seasoned Adult with you to help out. (I always take my mom. Always. My mom gets shit done.)
And if one dealership isn’t giving you the results you want, you can always go to a different one.
Don’t let them gaslight you, because they will absolutely try.
Contradiction to that otherwise excellent post from Nicole Cliffe: if you are fat, short, tall, or anything outside of the average height and weight for a US Army recruit*, test drive the car. I have often been excited to drive a relative’s car only to find out the seat isn’t big enough or the seatbelt buckle digs in to my thighs.
*fun fact most design for chairs and car seats and other things uses the average measurements from the military, bc it’s data with a large dataset that’s freely available. It is not actually reflective of many people, though, since lots of us don’t go to bootcamp. Source: http://99percentinvisible.org/episode/on-average/
i worked for an auto finance company for years and had to deal with the finance guys from dealerships all day every day. they are exactly as, if not MORE awful than the stereotypes.
Pro tip: Even if you’re looking to buy very soon, go into dealerships and say “I won’t be buying until I move at the end of the summer/I start school this fall/my boyfriend comes home from his three-month trek through Europe/etc., but I have time to do test drives now so I wanted to go ahead and try different cars and see what works well. That way when I get the raise, I’ll know exactly what I want.” (Or something like that.)
The point is make it very clear that for reasons outside your control, you are not buying today. You are not buying tomorrow. You might be buying three months from now.
In my experience, they’ll be less pushy if they know they’re not going to make a sale today. Try the cars, ask lots of questions, etc. LEAVE. (repeat at other dealerships if needed).
Then, when you’re ready to buy, which could be like 24 hours from now or something, you can go back in and say something like “You know, actually, it turns out that thing I thought I needed to wait because of I don’t actually have to wait. I’m ready to buy now.”
this is called being the “unmarked category.” the folks who are unmarked are default and everyone else is marked. but when you start pointing out to people that they have race, gender, sexuality and their thing is just one among many, they’re marked too and hoo boy they do not like it.
Monosexual is another such word. And the social dynamics around it are the same as for the words mentioned above.
Same with allosexual. Everyone threw a fit over that.
Every time someone says “you don’t need a word for that” to a term like this, this is why.
This is quite a shocker. I didn’t think it could get worse ,but it did.
Wow
Yikes
This makes me wonder, and reminds me of something we call “Shroedinger’s Immigrant” back here in my country – if black people are getting college for free, how are they all uneducated and getting jobs while being unqualified? I mean, they got college for free???
I now know firsthand that going to a car dealership is…an experience.
I went going exactly what car I wanted and I imagine that if you don’t know that much it’ll be easier for a dealership to screw you over when you get there by feeding you misinformation about a car, manipulating you into buying a more expensive model, and etc.
I had already done all my research online so I knew what I wanted. Down to the color. (Green is my favorite color!)
So boyfriend and I went (I followed Tumblr’s advice about bringing a man lol). And I test drove the car and loved it just like I knew I would. And THEN the real dealership experience began.
The bottomline is that I knew my credit score and so I knew what kind of interest rate (APR) I should expect. I also knew the manufacturer price of the car (MSRP) and I knew how much they were selling for on average in my area ($3k less than MSRP).
So I knew what I was going to pay and I had already decided on that in my head.
So dealer #1 (a white guy–this is relevant to mention lol) brings back the first set of numbers. He cushions it with making small talk and flattering me on starting my PhD in August. He also chats up boyfriend.
The numbers were bad. I could tell looking at it. Although they didn’t say the APR, I knew that my monthly rate shouldn’t be that high based on the number of months I’d be paying it. Also they only gave me $2k off MSRP.
I noted that the sticker price was too high because I can go to another dealer and get it cheaper and they knocked off another $1k.
And then I asked him what the APR was. He was very evasive and kept telling me to look at the monthly payments because that’s what “really matters.” No, what really matters is what I’m paying for the car overall which is the sticker price + state fees (unavoidable) + interest rate.
Dealer #1 finally told me the APR and it was 3x the rate I knew I was eligible for. I told him that’s not gonna work. He turned aggressive and said that I’m a first time buyer and I can’t expect better and that I’m being unrealistic to expect a lower rate and etc etc.
So I said that my bank quoted me a rate half that much and I’ll just go through them and buy later (at a different dealer). Because I want the car but there’s 2 other places I can go to get it in my area.
Then all of a sudden dealer #1 could get me a better APR. His next offer was 2x what I wanted to pay. I said nah that good enough.
Then they brought out dealer #2, who was a Black guy. He didn’t sit down and instantly start talking about the price. He said a bunch of small talk and said some stuff about being Black lol. Tryna be chummy chummy and connect with us on a racial level.
Then he tried to push the same numbers as dealer #1. I said I know I’m young and I don’t have a math background but you’re charging me way too much for this car and I’m not going to buy it at that price. Period. I said: get the APR down and I’ll buy the car. He kept telling me it wasn’t possible and I said okay…I won’t buy it.
But then he was like wait…lemme run the numbers. And ta da! He came back with the right APR. Also zero down. And payments lower than my target.
This whole process took 5 hours.
Moral of the story:
– know as much as you can before going to a dealership so you can focus on the numbers
– know your credit score so you know what your APR should be
– get approved through an independent bank for a loan so you have leverage to negotiate with a better rate from the dealer
– don’t focus on monthly payments. Times that by the amount of months so you know what you’re REALLY paying
– threaten to walk because stuff magically happens at dealerships when you do lol
Listen, I work at a car dealership, and all of this is 100% accurate.
Bottom line: the better deal you get on a car, the less money that lines their pockets. A LOT of the time, they’re just being greedy.
Definitely do your own research. Knowledge is power. If you’re young or have anxiety, take a Seasoned Adult with you to help out. (I always take my mom. Always. My mom gets shit done.)
And if one dealership isn’t giving you the results you want, you can always go to a different one.
Don’t let them gaslight you, because they will absolutely try.
Contradiction to that otherwise excellent post from Nicole Cliffe: if you are fat, short, tall, or anything outside of the average height and weight for a US Army recruit*, test drive the car. I have often been excited to drive a relative’s car only to find out the seat isn’t big enough or the seatbelt buckle digs in to my thighs.
*fun fact most design for chairs and car seats and other things uses the average measurements from the military, bc it’s data with a large dataset that’s freely available. It is not actually reflective of many people, though, since lots of us don’t go to bootcamp. Source: http://99percentinvisible.org/episode/on-average/
i worked for an auto finance company for years and had to deal with the finance guys from dealerships all day every day. they are exactly as, if not MORE awful than the stereotypes.
This is why I think acknowledging a lot of evil comes from people’s consciences and not from the absence of them is important when considering things like abuse and neglect.
Because I run into this scenario a lot… where people want to help disabled people… but they can’t deal with the fact that a lot of the things their boss is asking them to do are hurting those people… so they make up reasons why this is actually “good” for their clients. Or why it’s somehow the client’s fault for not being able to work in their system, rather than questioning whether the system works for them. And how an entire office full of well-meaning people who think they’re saving the world create systems of extreme neglect that kill half as many disabled people as they help.
Some particular versions of the self-image of “Goodness” stuff seems to be a big problem there. Abusive systems in general.
Too easy to come up with justifications and double down on the harmful shit once that cognitive dissonance rears up
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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