If you’ve been following me for a while, you more than likely know what’s going on, but for those who don’t know: I’ve been in an extremely toxic, abusive relationship for the past 6 ½ years with my son’s father. We have a 3 year old together. While I did leave him last year, I (stupidly) came back in March under the promises of “things would change” etc etc. He has been emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually, and financially abusive. I am cooperating with the state in applying for all kinds of state assistance I am eligible for. I have an apartment and have our most basic needs covered. I need help with covering rent at the end of the month as I can’t do it by myself (my rent is $936), I have no consistent means of transportation (there is no bus/public transit in the city I live in) and I really realllyyy don’t want to have to allow my abuser into my home just to help cover these bills. I can manage on my own, but I need help getting on my feet and establishing my independence in the time being.
Any resources, encouraging words (I have virtually no support system), or other help is so much appreciated.
My PayPal is c.newago@yahoo.com, or PayPal.me/bizaanideewin
Please please don’t send anon hate or criticism, I cannot stress how hard I am struggling with my own guilt and self-blaming right now
Miigwech
I’m having a sale on my website, if donating isn’t your jam.
Bringing this back, with an update: I wasn’t able to survive on my own so I had to let him in. Lo and behold the abuse continues. Today he punched a hole in the bedroom door. My dad is going to cosign for a new apartment for me back in my hometown, as long as I cover the costs he is going to help me move. I’ve already got a rental application submitted. I’m done I’m leaving I’m OUT. I have tangible proof and I can break the lease without repercussions through the domestic violence clause in the lease.
I just need help with the intial moving costs and initial housing costs- the apartment I applied for is $645 a month, security deposit same amount. First months rent and security deposit due at lease signing. Moving costs are around $400 (it’s a 300 mile move so it gets expensive fast)
*drinks from small sample cup of coffee, sets it down on table*
*suddenly something is dripping on me. I look up. It is not from the ceiling. Coffee is dripping from the fringe of my bangs. To the best of my knowledge the cup has not touched my head nor gone above the level of my nose. I am an adult in my early thirties*
I try to dribble a basketball. I wave my hand desperately, but it does not come in contact with the ball. The ball has struck me in the face. What propelled it in that direction I may never know.
You drop something by accident and think that if it bounces or lands off kilter, you can still grab at it. No problem right? What the object actually does is immediately gain its own volition somehow and ricochet off everything in the room in such a fashion that after witnessing it, you’re pretty damn sure the laws of physics are actually mere suggestions
there are bruises on your hands there are bruises on your arms there are bruises everywhere
where did they come from? when did they first appear? will they ever stop appearing?
i’m a star soccer player. i see the whole field at once. i weave between the vectors. i am the ball. nothing gets past me. i know the moves you’re going to make before you make them. he takes a goal shot but i’m suddenly there – return to sender, motherfucker.
“good game,” the coach says afterwards.
“thanks, you too,” i say, tripping over the bench and faceplanting in the cooler.
Somehow, it’s 90% of the time easier for me to spontaneously do something (if I have the spoons) than to spontaneously not doing something I was prepared to do.
So I wondered… how is this for other autistic people?
Reblog and tell me about it!
It’s similar for me. I think it’s because the underlying problem is changing plans. If I was expecting to be doing something, and then all of a sudden I’m not, plans have changed, expectations are broken, and I don’t know how to deal with it. If I’m spontaneously doing something, often what that means is that my plan was, in a sense, “I don’t have a plan, and am just going to roll with whatever happens”. While that’s more stressful than having a well defined plan, it’s way less stressful than having a defined plan that falls apart.
You actually put it into words! Thank you. How executive dysfunction affects me in detail is something that I can’t really grasp yet.
This is one of the most bizarre things about executive dysfunction I never knew I needed answered…
There are people who are still alive today who worked as teachers in Residential Schools. People who will probably never face any kind of punishment. It makes me so sick.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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