slashmarks:

onewordtest:

gingerautie:

tygermama:

so it’s official, my eldest has been diagnosed with autism

there’s a lot of talk about different supports that I will be able to access, it’s all in the air at the moment, I’m still processing

basically I’m ‘well, now we know for sure and can direct our efforts appropriately’

part of me is worried about these ‘social skills classes’ though, I follow enough autistic people to know that these programs can be sketchy, I don’t want him to be abused

I’m trying to respect his sensory issues, which at this point are – needs something for noise as needed, doesn’t like how lotion feels on his hands but he’ll let me put it on him (dermatitis), he needs a new bed probably because the loft bed is squeaky and he doesn’t like it, doesn’t like hugs so when he does hug me, it definitely feels like he’s doing me a favor

he has dysgraphia, so we need to work on fine motor skills and his gross motor needs work too

baby steps, though

I need to get both my kids Alphasmart Neos, they really like the ones the program has

any one have any suggestions how to help him wash his hair better, I dunno, he’s 13 and touchy about the subject

Re dysgraphia: “working on” motor skills isn’t likely to do much. If the bit of his brain that does that doesn’t do that well, then practice won’t make much difference. 

With stuff like handwriting, he probably already practices it lots, and any extra practice (even like an hour a day) isn’t going to make a significant difference if there’s already 3-4 hours of writing built into the school day. 

Even large improvements aren’t likely to bring his handwriting up to “typical” levels. The 3 requirements here are 1. speed, 2. legibility and 3. endurance. If you can’t write at a reasonable speed, readable to most people, for long periods, then you haven’t reached the minimum standard for handwriting.

My handwriting is either illegible, slow, or painful. I can choose one out of the 3 requirements. So I get a computer in exams, and I can take notes on a laptop. Being pulled out of lessons to practice handwriting for hours on end made no difference, accommodating me so that my handwriting didn’t affect my exam results did.

Re: hairwashing: It really depends what the issue is. If it’s sensory, depends what the specific sensory issue is. Could also be difficulty adjusting to how fast your hair gets greasy during puberty. Dry shampoo might be useful. Explicit instructions on how you’re supposed to do it (eg. lathering) might also be needed, we sometimes miss stuff.

Agreed on the dysgraphia. My handwriting is bad, but I have a note taker accommodation in college, and I get on fine.

Re: hairwashing, etc – it definitely depends what the issue is and in that regard, thirteen is probably old enough to start developing some good self-awareness and self-advocacy as an autistic person. So I would encourage him, even though it might take a while to emotionally adjust to being newly diagnosed, to explore his being autistic and take ownership of the experience. There were so many things I had difficulty with, that I really didn’t understand why, (showering being one of them), that once I was diagnosed and explored all the things about autism from other autistic people, I was able to figure out and change for myself. Plus, it is an embarrassing subject to talk about with your parent at that age, so even if you know you are having trouble, you are likely to want to figure it out on your own. So if he can become even more familiar with things like sensory issues and executive dysfunction, and ways other autistic people have dealt with these things, he can begin the lifelong process of navigating being autistic on his own self awareness and strength, and advocating what he needs.

This is going to sound silly, but I suggest you ask your kid if it hurts
when he writes, and if he says yes, how much writing it takes for his
hand to start hurting.

Handwriting problems in autistic people may be because of physical problems in the hand, not mental stuff. Hypermobility is really common in autistic people for reasons that aren’t well understood, and one of the things it can cause is loose finger joints that lead to poor control of the pencil and severe pain when you write – which autistic kids often think is normal, and which screws with your handwriting.

I never complained to an adult because I assumed writing hurt everyone and I didn’t want to whine, got marked down in grades for illegibility all through K-12, and was diagnosed with a physical disability in college. Now I get a laptop in all of my classes. Right after I was diagnosed, I told my sister – who was at the time almost thirty years old and in the hospital after delivering her second child – that handwriting isn’t supposed to hurt, and she was shocked. She has the same condition.

If this is the case with your son, practicing more may result in worse handwriting, because the problem is that the motions of handwriting put too much stress on fingers. There are braces that can help (I use Oval-8 splints when I have to do something like draw a diagram or write a check) but much of the time it may be better to avoid having to hand write in the first place.

Excellent addition. I have the same hypermobility issues with handwriting, with nobody recognizing these things might be connected until I was over 30. When it is a fairly common problem. I was amazed when a friend was urged to try ring splints, and learned that writing isn’t supposed to hurt. I didn’t know it could not be painful, either.

(Which also extends to some other tasks which involve repetitive careful control of tools, like prepping and cutting vegetables. Even though a lot of those would be less relevant yet for a kid.)

Growing up, practicing more did just cause more pain and make the results less legible. It was probably frustrating for everyone involved, not knowing what was causing the problem. It definitely did not help the situation at all.

Good suggestions there, if this might be relevant to your son’s dysgraphia. I still haven’t tried ring splints personally, and mostly just use some type of keyboard whenever possible. I’ve found that a touchscreen keypad tends to cause less strain on the joints than a physical keyboard, though of course that may be different for someone else.

The best of luck figuring out what’s behind the dysgraphia and how best to address that, regardless!