greyshadowquestionsbeing:

thebibliosphere:

sophies-sideshow:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

Also, to any men reading my posts who are horrified and want to know how they can help—offer to go with your female friends and relatives to appointments. Explain to them you’ve been reading about medical neglect towards women and let them know that if they ever want emotional support, you are there for them.

No, really, you have no idea how differently doctors react when there is a man in the room. Some female doctors will give ETD the side-eye and try to find ways to ask if I am okay (which, bless them) but once they are made aware that he is there at my request for emotional support, they are perfectly happy to have him there, and don’t talk to him unless I need them to. 

Male doctors? Whole other ball game. They spot him sitting there and their whole demeanor shifts, and if they do talk over me to him, he quickly sets them right and doesn’t engage in their misogynistic comments, he just stares them down and steps in if he thinks I am being gaslighted, words and phrases like “is this the usual treatment for symptoms like this?” forces the doctor to explain usually what they’d do for him, at which point I am able to ask “so why am I not being sent for XYZ testing/why am I not being prescribed pain treatment?”

But also remember, you are there to be my ally, not to tell the doctor what you think is wrong with me, but to make them pay attention to me. Direct the conversation back to me, and if it’s not working, repeat exactly what I am saying and make them listen.

It’s entirely fucked up, but your mere presence could mean the difference between misdiagnosis and proper medical treatment.

And just because I am seeing it in the tags “#this shit doesn’t happen with female doctors” oh it absolutely fucking does.

Misogyny in the medical world is fucking ingrained. It’s in the very teachings of modern medicine.

Some of my worst gynecological experiences were at the hands of other women who thought I was bullshitting my pain levels when it comes to certain procedures and illnesses. 

I’ve been told to “stop making a fuss” while I have screamed on the table from a speculum insertion (by the way, HUGE warning sign there is something majorly wrong with your muscle walls, pain upon insertion is not “normal” do not accept it if they tell you agony is normal upon insertion of anything) for a “routine” exam. And to give you some idea of my pain tolerance levels, I’ve had two root canals without anesthesia (cause 

anesthesia doesn’t work for me) and I breathed deeply through them. I left nail marks in the chair and had to tap out a few times for a rest, but I’ve never screamed and shot out the chair like I was being murdered.

I’ve had female doctors tisk at my medical file and tell me I want to “get myself together”, like I’m having an autoimmune collapse for funsies. I’ve had female doctors tell me I “just need to have a baby” because that will “calm me down” and also “what does your husband thing of all this?”

Which speaking of, I’ve also had female doctors turn to my husband and say “wow you sure are good to be coping well with this” like eXCUSE YOU, HE’S NOT THE ONE WHOSE BODY IS EATING ITSELF ALIVE???!! BUT OKAY, SURE, I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO “BE MORE POSITIVE AND TAKE A TYLENOL”. OKAY THEN. 
(also as an aside: if they do ask your male friend/loved one to leave the room to ensure your safety and you aren’t being controlled, remember to ask for him to be brought back in. Sometimes they “forget” and you’re left on your own again)

And all of this? All those things I posted up there? Those apply to white women as well. 

Women of color and women with disabilities, are more likely to be neglected and gaslighted than cis white able bodied women are—and we (I use the term losely when it comes to able bodied re: myself, heh) already get the short end of the stick when it comes to appropriate medical care. Be aware of your fellow women (all your sisters, not just your cisters) and if you are in a position to offer help and go to appointments and sit in on exams, know that it would be greatly appreciated. 

And again, remember, it is not your place to talk over your friend, this is not about you or what you think is wrong.

This is about you using your privilege by your mere presence alone, to make sure your friend is going to get adequate medical care, whether it’s pain management or diagnosis. 

Be a witness and hold those in the medical industry accountable for their neglect and actions against the vulnerable. Because by gods no one else will.

@thebibliosphere, are you aware most doctors won’t allow someone else in the exam room?  Sometimes even spouses?  Even if the patient specifically and verbally allows it?  At least, that’s how it works where I live, in the south-east USA.

Besides that, though, good advice.

Oh they can tell you they’re not Allowed but they’ve no legal leg to stand on. If you want someone in there with you, you are absolutely legally allowed to do so. If you explain why you want your spouse in the room with you (you don’t need to say “I don’t trust you” just “I want someone else here to remember things/I get nervous”) and they downright refuse to let your partner in with you? That’s a huge red flag to me.

The only doctors who downright refused to let ETD in the room with me were the ones who ended up being dangerous and abusive in their behavior and I stopped the exams to demand someone else be allowed in the room with me as is my legal right. They might not be behind the curtain with me but they are absolutely allowed to be in the room by US law, regardless of state.

If a medical professional pushes for someone to leave, that is a massive red flag and I will walk out. Any professional worth it wants their patient comfortable – and the only professionals who ever asked someone to leave with me have ended up being assholes.

The last time I agreed to send someone out of the room and be alone, I was then held down and sexually assaulted not a minute after they closed the door behind him. And all involved were women. I still remember in full them talking and laughing about having taught me a lesson and the shocked look on J’s face at the amount of blood on bed. Every case of medical abuse and neglect I’ve dealt with involved women professionals. At minimum for check-ups/tests with nurses/lower risk situations, I let them know I have someone in the waiting room that I may bring in if I feel I need help.