I rememeber as a kid whenever you get mad about being treated “like a kid” and they say “you’ll understand when you’re older”.
And yeah as far as a few times in my teen years that was true but those cases were specifically more like “let me do whatever I want with no supervision” like no 16 year old me, you PROBABLY shouldn’t try to drive 45 miles to try and get into a bar to see a band alone, that is stupid.
But the majority of things? No I still don’t understand why you would teach a 10 year old like they don’t UNDERSTAND what they want or feel or that being upset was unreasonable. I’ve held some grudges this whole damn time from when I was like 5 because something did damage. I could feel the mark it left. My seething angry distrust from doctors in fact, is largely because when I was like 7 a doctor told me I was just a kid and didn’t know the difference between hot and cold and my feet were cold actually. I am still angry that was 21 years ago.
You can treat people like people, actually listen to their feelings, not automatically dismiss shit you disagree with or think is stupid, and still not let them sneak onto a bar because of rock and roll man. It’s not that hard. Kids aren’t stupid they just haven’t learned shit yet. You are the grownup stop teaching you bullshit.
PSA: terfs are not and nor will they ever be tolerated here
(All caps removed for accessibility)
[First image is of a tweet by Stonewall (@stonewalluk) that reads, “There is no place for violence in our movement, as a form of attack or retaliation” It’s been retweeted by moth dad (@innesmck) on 9/17/17 with the comment, “Your organisation is named after a fucking riot,” in all caps.
The next images are more tweets by moth dad continuing on that thread, “friends, this is fucking exhausting”
“It’s important you know why LGBTQ+ charity Stonewall made a statement condemning violence today, and why that is so innapropiate [thread]”
“So, last week in London, several well-known TERFs and transphobes organized a public ‘debate’ on trans gender recognition”
“The fact trans people are continuously subject to debates undermining our existence is ridiculous, exhausting and dehumanizing”
“And in this case the speakers really just wanted a platform to misgender, vilify and promote violence against trans people, especially women”
“So, various people attempted to prevent the even ahead of time, but when it went ahead anyway, some went to protest in person”
“The end result? A trans protestor being held by a TERF in a headlock. There’s video footage. There are police statements. This happened.”
“After and as a result of this, one of the speakers is hit by a trans protestor.”
“And this is what we’re now arguing about, now condemning: trans people defending themselves from violence.”
“I hate violence. I hate aggression. I think anyone who knows me would consider me a quiet, peaceful person. I do not revel in conflict.”
“But look at the ways in which violence is constantly inflicted on trans people, centering on the most marginalized of us.”
“Look at the statistics for assault and murder, especially of trans women and femme people of colour.”
“Look at the suicide rate for trans people, from childhood, especially those without adequate support. Look at the lack of help.”
“Look at the systematic erasure from public life, the difficulties in finding employment, healthcare, mental health support.”
“Trans people are hurting and they are dying. This isn’t an abstract. My friends are dying.”
“So how can an organisation claiming to support us ignore all of that, and instead condemn trans people who choose to defend themselves?”
“How can they choose straight cis respectability over standing up for a community member now?”
“How can an organisation named after a riot believe we should just lie down and accept the violence enacted against us?”
“If you’re an ally, if you want to support trans people, have our backs when it gets messy and not just when we’re docile and polite.”]
You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.
You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?
You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”
He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”
This one wins.
It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up. She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out. First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.
Clark’s introducing her around. “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”
You blink, and take a step back in fear. You’ve never seen an 11 before.
Long story short: The science is solid enough that at this point it is completely reasonable to state unequivocally that spanking is a bad idea. It does not produce good outcomes, it does produce bad outcomes. It produces antisocial behavior and slows development. It is bad. It should stop. We are out of good excuses for believing otherwise.
i was possibly the sole exception: a single hard swat on the butt was the best way to reboot me when i was having a meltdown.
that’s not exactly spanking, though. that’s more of a glass-of-ice-water utility.
That’s more “surprise” rather than “hurt”. Shocking somebody’s system in order to break them out of a feedback loop is LOADS different from corporal punishment
well, my parents thought it was corporal punishment at the time, is the thing. it was the 70′s. we didn’t know why i’d get stuck in freakout mode and have to be restarted via sharp whack like a faulty engine.
but my parents were good parents and didn’t do it to express their anger feelings. they did it because it worked. it didn’t work on my brother, so they didn’t do it on him. and we were all really open and communicative about this – when my brother was out of control, he was sent to the quiet corner to look at houseplants for ten minutes. spanking only hurt and upset him. me, if they sent me to the quiet corner, i went into a weird escalation spiral, unable to stop demanding attention with worse and worse acting out, but a good hard swat blanked me right out and then i could calm down. i much preferred it to time out. it had to be hard enough to sting, to work properly, but it wasn’t really painful.
anyway, the reason i brought it up wrt spanking is because it’d be hard to draw a clear line between it and spanking. some kids are rough and sturdy and prefer a swat to a talk or a time out. but i agree it’s an absolutely lousy default.
Something I haven’t seen addressed (to be fair I don’t plan on having kids so I haven’t exactly been looking hard) is the best way to deter kids from dangerous behaviour without smacking? In my household smacking was what happened if you ran in front of a car – it taught you that running in front of cars meant pain, with the convenient advantage of being non fatal. It’s always struck me as a really logical shorthand, though since smacking is now illegal here it obvs doesn’t happen anymore. I just don’t know enough about kids to know the best way to teach them not to injure themselves?
my parents didn’t punish us for that, they treated us like we’d had a close call. like if i’d run toward the road in front of a car, dad would’ve grabbed me and stopped me, going like “whoa, whoa, there’s a car! did you not see the car? jeez, that was close. you gotta pay attention!”
but dad being an engineer, and a lot of our bonding time being spent with power tools and on boats and with hunting gear and so forth, safety was a prepare thing, not a react thing. we got drilled on safety protocols. and if we ignored one, like if we didn’t buckle our life vest before getting in the boat, or aimed a gun downrange while someone was switching targets, we got scolded and quizzed. but not punished.
when i grew up i discovered that he was treating us the same way you treat students in a lab or trainees in a workshop. if a student doesn’t turn off their bunsen burner before walking away, you don’t spank them, you point it out and make them go back and fix it, and explain what they need to do differently next time.
anyhow, it worked, we’ve both got all our fingers and eyeballs to this day. 😀
I feel like the biggest issue with anything involving child abuse is the fact it has “child” on it somehow makes it magically different then if it didn’t.Treat children like PEOPLE for fucks sake.
Like spanking is bad because it is ASSAULT. Something like a reset smack or a “danger out of the way” smack will not get you charged with assualt or hit back if done to an adult usually, because in context it is not just being violent. It is basically an emergency situation and it’s unlikely to result in the person it being done to being particularly upset you did it.
“Treat like students” is really probably the best approach in general. Kids are not stupid. They are ignorant. Teach them. Assualt teaches no one anything but fear.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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