There are two species that hold the whimsical title of “Fried Egg Jellyfish”: Phacellophora camtschatica and Cotylorhiza tuberculata though the two are quite different from each other in all aspects beside appearance.
Phacellophora camtschatica is a huge jelly that prefers colder waters. It’s bell can reach up to 2 ft across and its dozens of tentacles reach over 20 ft long! If you don’t think this floating egg creature looks very menacing, you’d be right. It has a very weak sting and many small crustaceans take advantage of the jelly by riding on its bell (breakfast to go…?) while snatching up extra food.
Cotylorhiza tuberculata is a much smaller jellyfish that hangs out in warmer waters. It only reaches about 35 cm in diameter, so don’t go for this Fried Egg Jelly if you want a big breakfast. Unlike most jellyfish, C. tuberculata can swim on its own, without relying on the currents for movement. It’s sting (if you can even call it that) is so feeble that it has very little to no effect on humans at all. I mean, it does look like a breakfast food, after all… how powerful could it be?
okay look weird ocean shit is my Entire Jam but i am drawing the line
I just started writing a post that began “unpopular clown opinion:” before I realized that all of my opinions about clowns are unpopular.
Well, I have a few. The post I was going to write was basically just going to say “clowns should be seen and not heard”. There are a lot of different types of clowning, some of which involve speech and improvisation and whole theatre troupes, but at its core it’s about physical humor and storytelling through movement and expression. If you haven’t already had the fortune to see a good circus clown perform, you probably don’t believe they exist. But look at Buster Keaton (or Charlie Chaplin) – slapstick is very much an art that takes great skill and grace. They make falling over timelessly hilarious. Sure, they did so on the silver screen rather than the center ring and therefore had new tools to work with, but the idea’s the same.
Like, "scary clowns” are a product of the late 20th century, when the greasepaint and wigs and red noses became more important to the concept of “clown” than anything else, including actually being funny. Party clowns are just embarrassing. I don’t see the point of sending a clown to a hospital unless they’ve actually got an actual act beyond “balloons” and “bad jokes”.
You know what’s not upsetting? Someone in goofy theatrical makeup doing impressive physical slapstick comedy as part of a performance, possibly with banter with a partner, interacting with their environment in farcical ways and/or telling a story. But someone in greasepaint offering balloon animals and telling kids not to drink their bathwater? Fuck that guy! That’s not clowning. No one likes that. That’s someone cosplaying a clown, nothing more. Clowning is PHYSICAL. Clowning is not standing around at PBS Kids in the Park and handing random children balloon animals and saying “Hyuk hyuk hyuk, don’t drink yer bathwater!” Fuck you! That’s not even a joke!
Anyway now I need to go watch some Buster Keaton short films until I feel better.
It took me many many tries to read through this bc I kept interpreting the line about sending clowns to the hospital in the like, euphemistic mobster way, & was like, “idk isn’t thata LITTLE extreme”
Me, sitting at an Old West saloon bar, firing a revolver at a party clown’s oversized shoes: “CLOWN, ya yellow-bellied bastard, CLOWN!”
me making eye contact: oh no……. this feels wrong….. this feels very wrong………. but this is what normal people do right?? right????? is this polite? no this is far too intimate. i feel so intrusive. am i doing it wrong??? am i doing eye contact wrong?? oh god i can’t hear what they’re saying anymore i’ve just been thinking about staring them in the eye for 5 minutes straight. im dying
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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