Oh wow. I think it’s time to stop trying to catch those few male Endler babies I spotted for tonight.
Just had a terrible accident. As I probably mentioned before, the babies like to swarm in whenever I’m doing anything at the tank, in case there’s food or something else interesting going on. So it’s hard to catch just one of them. Even a small net just isn’t workable unless I want to scoop a bunch of them out.
Well, for the first time one of them managed to dart in just as I was moving the little catching cup to trap one of the boys against the front glass. So that her head got caught. Stunned or maybe dead đŚ
And back in dense plants. I’m still too shaken to investigate much, and there’s nothing I could really do to help. Hoping for the best, but I don’t know.
Hard to see how that could have reasonably been avoided, but I can’t stop crying.
Not even going to try to catch anybody else tonight. Eventually going to have to, but maybe I can come up with something safer. Not right now though.
I’d forgotten about the burrito thing.
And there I thought it was strange enough when one meat counter guy cut a turkey into a front half and a butt half.
When turkeys were on sale around the holidays, my mom would sometimes get at least one extra and have the meat department saw them in half for the freezer. Cheaper than chicken, and half a turkey at a time was a more reasonable amount for regular use.
Usually cut the other way, though. That guy’s boss was also impressed at his problem solving there, and was the one laughing about turkey butt for dinner.
Speaking of ways to nadstamp a burrito, this bit of prose has been firmly lodged in my mind for the last four years.
Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito:
Have you ever been to Earth?
On Earth, we use the word âburritoâ to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and Iâm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
Youâre an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burritoâs end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you donât stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans canât usually dislocate their jaws, and Iâm not a fucking pelican. But you must think thatâs how itâs done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably canât guess anything, because Iâm pretty sure youâre just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, hereâs what:
Humans also donât eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS IâLL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITâS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IâM IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE ITâS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And donât even fucking think Iâm about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATâS HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THATâS BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
Whatâs that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONâT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DONâT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
Youâre the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
Did you like this post? I made something else I think youâll like more.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID âJUST EAT IT WITH A FORKâ:
A fucking fork?
I DIDNâT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
Thatâs like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKERâS GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. Theyâre called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I havenât cried since I was six, but Iâm fucking sobbing now.
me when i see a cat: CAT! cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat
Fun fact: when I see cute animals, I forget English and automatically revert to my native Hungarian. I donât know what bystanders make of me, reciting guttural gibberish to rabbits.
But the real question is, what are you SAYING to the rabbits? Is it âRABBIT! rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit bunny bunny bunny awww cute bunnyyyyyâ?
Well, I usually say the Hungarian equivalent of âbun bun bun lil bun look at your tiny spoon-shaped ears awww bun brave little lawnmower bunâ, but sometimes I say âhey rabbits, my sisterâs gonna go to med schoolâ because I think everyone should know.
I live in Japan, and I always revert to English to talk to small animals, and I was cooing at this tiny little fluff machine of a puppy in baby english like âhello youâre so cute such a cute hello hello yess youâre goodâ and the 70 year old Japanese lady that was walking him started to *translate the baby talk english into Japanese* for her pup. She wanted to be sure he understood it too.
Once I met a Swiss family that travelled all the way to Argentina with their dog, and they brought her to the winery because (CLEARLY) they werenât going to be leaving her any time soon. And I saw her and immediately my brain jammed in full Spanish. âHOOOLA! QUĂ BONITA HOLA PRECIOSA MI AMOR QUĂ MUMITA! QUĂ PELUDA, TAN MUMITA QUIĂN ES UN PERRITO VIAJERO? MH? QUIĂN? VOS! SĂ, VOS!â and it was hilarious because yeah, this post is 100% true because I refuse to talk to any animal if not in my native tongue.
There was a petting zoo visiting the nursing home yesterday. The people love the visit. This farmer brings the animals every year, itâs his business. That little kid goat up top was only 8 days old. Fancy ducks and chickens, small bunnies, one pot belly pig and many goats, and three dogs to help out. That other white goat (bottom left) is scratching his back under a wheelchair, other assorted small goats and rabbits were resting under the chair for security feels. Only one wheelchair in the pen, the guy was severely disabled.
When itâs over, the farmer calls and the goats all walk out of the building in a polite herd, right into their truck. Thatâs amazing to see.
staff i am BEGGING you to let me reblog this fucking ad
Lmao they are getting weirder. Also i so want the link for this ad. There was one targeted local saying everyone in this province needs one of these⌠and had a photo of a lightsaber. The site was boring. Sold extra bright flash lights.
White Supremacy is this nationâs oldest pyramid scheme. Even those who have lost everything to the scheme are still hanging in there, waiting for their turn to cash out.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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