flotsamandptsd:

temptation-revelation:

flotsamandptsd:

because your understanding of the way the world works is built on the belief that you are utterly worthless as a living thing. And so you’ve spent your life, desperate to earn the right to still be alive. You’re left with this fundamental belief that if you haven’t worked yourself to the bone for something, you don’t deserve it. So when you’re down, when you’re at your worst and feel sick down to your soul, when you absolutely need self care the most… you have a lifelong narrative saying- no, you earned nothing today, you did nothing to deserve this food, this sleep, this consideration, this rest. It’s backwards and you know it’s not true, but it’s so ingrained that literally just taking care of your base needs feels like cheating.

the sad part is usually when you try so hard to get over this- and when you start to make progress, you are called selfish for self care.

This is true, and a thing. People in your life will be used to you expecting nothing and constantly foregoing your own needs at the drop of a hat, so when you start taking steps toward actually… putting yourself somewhere near the top of the list, there will be an adjustment period. The decent people will be happy for you, and be understanding during the admittedly rocky process of learning how to trust in and fight for your self worth. The shitmongers will throw tantrums, and try to guilt you back into submission, and so should be kicked to the curb for collection at your earliest convenience.